Is it normal to be surrounded by a massive number of just bad friends?

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5 Comments

For some reason, over the past 3 years or so, all of my friendships have turned bad. I mean friends from college and people I been close to turning their backs on me and really treating me badly kind of stuff. I have no friends. I wonder if it is normal, if i am expecting too much or if everyone would expect such behavior from their friends and i am just being unrealistic. Here are a few examples:

- one friend used me when she needed to find jobs in CA and to have her resume and writing sample reviewed. She was also single at the time and loved commiserating with me. She'd call me 10 times a day to talk. The moment she got her 90k job and her man, she called me at midnight, left me a message saying she could no longer be friends with me as i "bring her down" and never contactd me again.

- another so called close friend actually told me that she could not hang out with me in person but rather "only in groups" and that only every 3 months or so because she is so busy. She is religious and considers herself a very good person of course but somehow the fact that she would say something so hurtful to a friend doesnt occur to her as hypocritical. She actually said if I was not ok with this arrangement, then that would be the end of our friendship.

- after my dad passed away, which is the most painful thing I have gone through, my best friend from college send me a text saying "oh that sucks, call me if you wanna talk." When I didnt call him because I found his response rude and supremely unkind, he just ignored me. Until this date (my dad passed away 8 months ago) he has not send me his condolences, nor has he called me up even once asking how i am doing. Did i mention he is my best friend from college (and i just graduated 2 years ago) and whom ive known for 10 years now!

- another friend, who first was all "let's travel together, come and visit me" etc totally forgot about me. Not once did she ask me how I am doing.

I dont get it. If the parent of a friend died, I could not imagine treating them like dirt as my "friends" do.

I am puzzled. I have always been kind and loyal to these people. I am not saying I never made mistakes, but certainly nothing that would warrant such behavior. I just dont get it. So my question is, is this normal? Am I just having too high of expectations? Should I not expect friends to remember my birthday or be there for me when a PARENT DIES? If I cant expect from friends, then what CAN i expect? I am 30 but i feel like I am just now having to define friendship again.

Confronting them hasnt done anything. Even doing it nicely resulted in them just ignoring me more. One friend from around here, whose roommate doesnt like me, flat out told me he wasnt interested in seeing me after i sent an email telling him I was lonely and could really use a friend. People are so cruel.

I wonder now if they have ever been real friends and what my expectations should be.

Voting Results
33% Normal
Based on 18 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • nobody_
    13 years ago

    my gf had that same problem! every single friend of her had turned their back on her! she can be kind of annoying sometimes but she is a VERY LOYAL friend. she gives a lot to her friends, and they tell her horrible things and they all walk away. she has some troubles believing that true friendship exists. and it is very hard for her to really trust in people after all that she's been through. why is people so mean?

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  • geek_god_101
    7 years ago

    I believe some people don't understand what it means to be a REAL friend. I sympathize greatly with the OP here as some people are so negligent in friends in which they must not care about themselves let alone other human beings.
    I do believe that Facebook has destroyed the meaning of friendship entirely as I believe TRUE friendship means spending time together in order to learn about each other and as a parent dying would be one of them.
    This is a post that I hope every Facebook user reads because this MEANS something. People have emotions and lives outside one another's self-centeredness.

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  • jensapa
    13 years ago

    U sure haven't had much luck with people. It's hard to meet decent people these days with the same standards and values as ourselves. I hope u meet some one nice soon.

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    • Moonlighting
      13 years ago

      What I am seeing is below just mere "not being decent". These so called friends of mine are worthless human beings, rotten to the core. How can you treat someone whose parent passed away? I am stunned these people walk around patting themselves on the shoulder for being good people - one of them is an avidly religious person reciting the bible and god. These are not people lacking decency, these are people lacking humanity.

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  • rawr123451
    13 years ago

    U rlyyy need to pick better friends, that's horrible... Try moving??

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