Is it normal to be socially awkward and is it something people have to accept?

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my profiles everywhere and how i come across in various social media sites does not paint an accurate picture of how i am in person. i need to be around people who "pull me out of my shell" in order to feel comfortable speaking and engaging others in a crowd or even 1 on 1. if i am with someone who is quiet and not very communicative, i don't know what to do to get them to speak. When i was single i have had many silent dates, which invariably end up ruining my time and their time together, and i don't know what to do about it. Now that i am with someone, i guess it doesn't matter as much, although it makes for me being much more clingy than i should be. Clingy, even under the best of circumstances, is not good. I also feel as if, at the age of 42, learning social skills is too late. Maybe i need to accept this? But i have an intense yearning to be around others, to be a social butterfly....i know somewhere, beneath all this insecurity, is someone just waiting to be less awkward.

- end rant

p.s. this writing and my thoughts on all of this are brought about because i want to do more than just, have a quiet dinner with my girlfriend at New Years Eve.....but the thought of us going somewhere, where neither of us knows anyone, terrifies me into settling for staying home.......

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80% Normal
Based on 30 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • eccentriceel
    9 years ago

    I can't be bothered to read the whole rant in detail, so I have skimmed it.

    If you don't like your social media profiles, delete them.

    You've got a girlfriend, and there's nothing to be ashamed of if you stay in on NYE, most people do.

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  • Society_is_Strange
    9 years ago

    You just gotta learn to not give a shit. Are you a good person who doesn't go out of his way to hurt people? Good, that's all that matters. Life's too short to let what assholes think of you get you down. Just speak up, be yourself. It's not as big a deal as you think.

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  • ThisGuyHere
    9 years ago

    You sound like me. Then I got awesome and stopped being awkward. Try it. It works! :)

    Now for real:
    I learned awkward doesn't exist, just weird. I'm very weird so I just spew words out of my mouth until I get a response. I CAN act normal (but normal is boring) because I've observed how other people act in conversation, but I like weird better! And as I've learned so do most people :)

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  • pastor_of_muppets
    9 years ago

    You should drink. Get tipsy. Your true personality will burst out shining brightly.

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  • CountessDouche
    9 years ago

    I don't think being introverted and socially reserved is the same thing as being awkward and lacking in social skills, AT ALL. You seem to be socially adept enough to identify the type of person that can draw you out of your shell, and that's a good first step.

    I think it's fairly common for introverted people to get on well with extroverts- see Meyers Briggs pairings. I'm an extrovert, and a lot of the people that I'm closest to are introverted...although I'm always surprised when they tell me that they're usually very quiet because apparently I'm easy for them to talk to...mostly because I tend to ask people a lot of questions about themselves and I have no problem filling conversational dead space.

    It's good to be aware of what you need in a social relationship. It should help you seek out attributes in others that can help you to open up. Also, if you do find yourself having a hard time with lulls in a conversation, you can always ask people questions about themselves. Most people LOVE to talk about themselves...I find this is especially true for introverted people, as they usually hold it in ;)

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    • pastor_of_muppets
      9 years ago

      That is the exact same advice I give to people:

      "People LOVE to talk about themselves"

      It's the best way for an introvert to try get a conversation going and, the more the other person talks and asks questions back, the easier and more relaxed the introvert feels

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    I would think by now you have learned that if you want something, there are ways to get or achieve it.
    If you give up before you try, well then, you are shit outta luck, aren't you?
    At 42 you have probably convinced yourself that you'll never be the person you'd like to be, but that just isn't necessarily true. People can, and do, change. You can become the person you would like to be.
    At 42 you should be affluent enough to afford a therapist, and if not, you should know the system well enough to get some help through social services. That's what you've paid all those taxes for. All you have to do is decide that this is something you want badly enough to do whatever it takes to achieve it.
    So make this your new year's resolution and do it this year!

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