Is it normal to be so in love, but develop strong feelings for someone else?

68% Normal
9 Comments

I've been with my fiance for almost 18 months. He is turning 21 this year, and I am turning 19. He's always been so wonderful and I love him more than anything, but lately I have to do everything for him. He's becoming lazier and lazier the more I spoil him, and he complains like a child whenever I ask him to do something for himself, or do something for me. Even if it's the smallest task.

My best friend is also a guy, and we've been talking a lot. I've started to develop these very strong feelings for him, and they won't go away. He also has the same feelings for me. He's very similar to my fiance, except he is more caring, genuine, sweet, and willing to wait on me hand and foot, if I were to ask. We've been close friends for nearly a year, but we just recently poured our hearts out to each other. Unfortunately, he lives a few states away, and the only way I can see him right now is on webcam. He wants to visit me some time, but I'm afraid that would lead to cheating on my fiance.

I am not a cheater, nor have I ever been. But I've never had feelings like this toward anyone else, except my fiance.

My question is:
Is it normal to develop feelings for another after you've already committed your life to someone? Does it mean I was never in love to begin with? Did I make the decision to be in a committed relationship too early in my life? And what do you think I should do? I don't want to lose my fiance, or the love of his family and friends, but I want to make the other guy happy, too. I need help, please. I can't talk to anyone I know about this, because it could be disastrous.

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68% Normal
Based on 38 votes (26 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • joybird
    11 years ago

    Sooo many questions. Yes you were in love with him but his behaviour towards you is slowly switching you off, like a dimmer switch. You are far too young to be planning to get married - especially to someone lazy. It's not too late to change your mind - my dad told me this as I walked up the aisle with 200 guests!!

    Whatever you do - please please please do NOT try to fix this doomed relationship by getting pregnant :o((

    You need to think like an adult and not a child. Forget about making anyone else happy, make yourself happy! Do not go out there to please any man, fiance or webcam guy. Men are like buses - there'll be another one along in a minute but you must get out there and meet them. You will not meet new people while sitting in the house catering to your bf's needs.

    Forget about the love of his family etc coz in 10-20 years time you won't even remember your fiance's name, or any of their's either.

    Stop worrying unnecessarily but get out there and find Mr Right coz this one turned into Mr Wrong :o(

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    TO LONG. NO. FUCK YOU.

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  • Captain_Kegstand
    11 years ago

    If you are developing strong feelings for other people now, do you think that will change when your married? Answer is no, it wont. You are most likely not ready for marriage, or at least not ready for marriage with him. It will be much worse if you wait till after your married to make this decision it will be much worse.

    Sorry to hear this, for both you and your fiance. Love is a fickle beast!

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  • Thebend
    11 years ago

    Marry in haste, repent at leisure. Most married people do not stay "in love". It is therefore very important that you find a man who loves deeply, and to whom your happiness is vital. You in turn, must respect him enough to never allow a "friendships" with another man to become inappropriate. Betrayal and divorce are bitterly painful and to be avoided. Your fiance does not sound like a man, but more like a pet. If you want something to boss you around, get a cat. Get guidance before you get married, saves a lot of time, money and tears.

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    • blaster
      11 years ago

      I like the in turn bit , what so she doesn't have to love him deeply and worry about his happiness too, just respect him and never screw around !

      op , sorry to say but it sounds like he's the wrong man for you. Temptation this early in , not a good sign.

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    • Justsomejerk
      11 years ago

      I laughed at the cat bit but you are so right.

      Best of luck OP but you are not ready to get married.

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  • Phishy
    10 years ago

    Pretty normal, I'd say. But let's be real, you either love your fiance, or this friend of yours. If I was your friend I'd back off and respect your relationship. Maybe cut all the boyfriendy stuff he might say. Eh. idk im a guy

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  • buttons
    11 years ago

    please don't get married just yet. wait till you're ready!

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  • bananaface
    11 years ago

    I'm not sure how helpful I can be since this is such a difficultchoice for a person to make, I can't even imagine how hard it must be.

    Firstly, I definitely believe that it is possible to love more than one person at the same time, you can't help the way you feel. So please don't beat yourself up about it!

    In my opinion, 19 is waaay too young to marry, but that's just my opinion. If you are having doubts as big as these, then you need to seriously question how the rest of your life will be. You may live another 60 or 70 years with this man, that's a long time, so it really is a huge commitment. Of course divorce us an option, but nobody wants to end up at that point. On the other hand though, there are couples who marry at a young age and have long happy marriages spanning decades:)

    Perhaps postponing a wedding until you feel sure about what you want to do, you really don't want to be impulsive. And I strongly suggest that you don't cheat, it's reckless and harmful. Most people end up regreting it.

    Most importantly, talk to your fiance, and let him know that his behaviour is damaging the relationship. Either he will get his act together which may help your decision,or he won't, in which case you shouldn't have to be the only one working for the relationship.

    I know you want to make the other guy happy, but you need to make yourself happy. You shouldn't live for other people, do what you want! It's your life!

    If I were in your situation, I would probably go for neither, and just be by myself for however long I wanted. That way I get to think without the pressure of having to make an immediate decision. Also, being alone with your thoughts is helpful, and often people find that they enjoy having that freedom and realise that they aren't ready for anything big,. However, it's easier said than done.

    I hope this helps, and just make sure you think carefully and take as much time as you need. Good luck, I hope it all goes well:D!!

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