Is it normal to be scared of being friends w your ex?

83% Normal
10 Comments

My ex and I still talk and actually hang out like we never had nothing. I think we are professional exes lol like it is possible to be cordial w your ex if nothing dramatic happened between you two. I mean things happened between me and him like tears, cheating, depression, and we did go through a phase where we hated each other especially him hating me, which obviously was right after we broke up. So we kept our distance and no contact AT ALL until I believe it was him who contacted me first and just said hi. You can say I was the one to break up w him so when he would contact me, I made it clear to him that there was absolutely NO CHANCE of getting back w me...but we can be friends. I think what me and him had was really special and although I broke up w him, I consider him as a really good friend and so grateful to have met him. He makes me feel good but there was no passion, love, attraction, or chemistry.

However, for him, it was a different story. He really loved/loves me I guess that as much as I want to be almost "best friends" w him, I'm scared to get that close w him again because I'm afraid he's going to fall in love w me again and think that there is a chance. Right now, I have a bf and he knows how much I am crazily in love with him. But I'm pretty sure that once he starts feeling intimate w me again, he's not even gonna consider my relationship and go for it. I mean its a bummer cause I would really like to be close to him as friends but so far Ive been keeping it very casual and always reminding him that I have moved on. He's been doing a good job as well though. He's cordial, distant, and like i said before, we act like nothing ever happened.

But I knoe that deep inside, he would want to hold my hand when we walk next to each other. He told me on our sec outing tht he felt like leaning to kiss me I was like omg nooooo get over it, I'm sorry but its not like that. Thats another thing, i wanna straight up tell him I want to be almost like best friends so he doesn't get the wrong idea when Im getting close to him emotionally. I don't want to lead him on and I want to avoid awkward shit as much as possible.

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 6 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • VinnyB
    9 years ago

    You are leading him on, even if it is not intentional. It does not matter what you tell him. If he is interested, than he is hanging out with you looking and hoping for a chance. If you truly care about him as a friend, you will cut him off completely. Letting him move on with his life is the best thing you can do for him.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Yeah it sucks. He's just a good friend and I wouldn't want to lose a good friend. If anything, I regret being in a relationship w him and wish we could've just stayed as friends.

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      • VinnyB
        9 years ago

        Yea well you were in a relationship. You have to lose the friend, otherwise you are not a very good friend. It would be selfish of you to string him along just cause you like having him around. If you care for this person, do the right thing.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          And I did. I broke up w him and let him go.

          Its not just me though, we both like each others company so in the end, if I were to bring this up bout being good friends and he says he won't be able to do it then I'll totally respect that and leave him alone. But if he says he's in a better place where he thinks it won't affect him, then okay we can try.

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          • VinnyB
            9 years ago

            I think that was a wise decision. I understand that you both enjoy each others company, but he enjoys it for completely different reasons in a completely different way. If you know that, and you provide him with that company anyway, you are leading him on.

            You should not bring this up in the future, just let him go. There are millions of other people you can be friends with. If he wants to be close to you, he will lie to do it. If you wait a month or two, he is moving on, then you call him to hang out, he will see an opening and take it. He will tell you, yea sure, we can be friends, but he will try to make it something more. Isn't that pretty much what happened this time. You decided to hang out as friends, and next thing you know he is wanting to kiss you.

            It is your life, and you can do what you want. But the right thing to do is more on and let him do the same. That is what a true friend who cares more about what the other person wants, than what they themselves want would do.

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  • Faceless
    9 years ago

    lol

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      what?

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  • Brownblowout
    9 years ago

    Nice novel

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  • noid
    9 years ago

    Doesn't sound like this will work.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I haven't asked him if he's okay with us getting closer as friends so who knows, maybe he'll be okay with it. Plus, he's a guy and guys tend to get over things a lot faster than girls.

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