Is it normal to be really uncomfortable with your bf hanging out with girls

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11 Comments

So recently my long distance boyfriend told me he doesn't know if he'll stay with me. Of course, it was really hard to be told that from my boyfriend of over a year who I've grown so attached to and had been my best friend prior to us dating (and still is). He's going to be moving soon, to a different city in his state, but to somewhere where he has friends and knows people already.

I was really happy to hear this, since he has literally no friends where he is right now (most of the people are either stuck up or just assholes in general).

I'm an incredibly clingy gf, especially since I've never ever opened myself up this much to anyone before and he's practically the only thing that helps me with my severe depression, since I'm unable to get actual medication for it.

I'm so afraid of him moving, though. I asked him if he could please refrain from going places alone with one girl or even bringing her to his house alone (activities I believe should really only be done with the person you're dating or a member of the same, or opposite sex depending on your orientation, aka someone who is clearly no risk to the rwlationship). He told me he mostly makes friends with girls, which made my worrying worse, and thinks I'm being unreasonable for not wanting him to hang out with one girl alone. The biggest reason I'm scared of this is because I had my last long distance boyfriend make friends after a long time, then get super attached to them and eventually cheat and leave me for one of the girls he'd met.

Since our relationship has been really rocky lately, I'm really scared he's going to leave me, and I don't even know if I can deal with anything without him. He's really my only friend right now and I won't even have someone to talk to without him.

Is it normal for me to be this worried? Before he told me he wasn't sure he was going to stay with me much longer I was worried from my clinginess and past experiences, but now I'm flat out terrified.

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88% Normal
Based on 16 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Tealights
    8 years ago

    I'm going to give you some harsh advice.

    The relationship is going to end. You being possessive, emotionally dependent and clingy isn't a cute little quirk people have to accept. No. It's a problem no one with a healthy self-esteem wants to deal with. You can't control who he hangs out with or the friendships he make. You can't tell him how to spend his day. All those insecurities you're pushing on him will just make him run from you.

    I've suffered from depression and I have anxiety, so I know how difficult it can be to open up and deal with life day by day. However, you can't use your mental illnesses as an excuse for how you treat people. You shouldn't allow depression (or any other illnesses) to define who you are, because all you're doing is making yourself miss out on opportunities to make friends and grow as a person; you trap yourself in an endless loop of, "I'm too depressed..." or worse, "You know I'm clingy/depressed/etc, so why do you do/say this!"

    I'm sure your boyfriend isn't perfect and have faults of his own, but this is about you. You need to straighten up, or you're going to find yourself in a bunch of relationships that end with the guy leaving or cheating.

    My advice, work on your self-esteem. Read self-help guides for your depression (Believe me, they're out there and easy to find, because I refused to take medication). Eat fruits, and get full 8 hours of sleep. Search for coping stills for stress, and meditate or do yoga. All this works if you're serious about becoming a healthier you. However, do this when you feel ready to, but don't make your problems other people's responsibility.

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    • GreyHulk99
      8 years ago

      ok tealights: i'm not the OP(original poster) but i have to respond to your comment anyways. i completely disagree with everything you said. it's almost like you're some jealous girlfriend trying to break them up. i don't know what kind of relationship you think people should have, i'm glad you made a long detailed comment but you're judging this girl and her boyfriend so authoritatively it's laughable. i love clingy girlfriends and WISH any of my gfs were like that. unfortunately, all of mine have sounded more like you which is basically summed up as "boyfriends are a dime a dozen".

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      • Thorolf
        8 years ago

        You don't want a clingy girlfriend bro.

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      • Tealights
        8 years ago

        Basically, you're the person looking over the fence and thinking the grass is greener on the other side.

        Until you experience someone who is extremely insecure and always making it your responsibility to manage their own insecurity, you have no idea what you're taking about. Clingy, insecure partners are the worse, because they don't know how to love themselves, so they expect you to boost their self-esteem with the relationship. This can lead to controlling your friendships, extreme jealousy, multiple emotional outbursts, guilt-tripping, and emotional abuse that start so innocently and playfully, that you don't even see how serious it is at first. Then it snowballs into something so stressful that you get buried in it, which leaves you the choice to dig yourself out or stay and freeze.

        If you really want an insecure girlfriend and experience all this, why not talk to the OP after her relationship ends? Isn't she just what you're looking for?

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  • Thorolf
    8 years ago

    You have every reason to be worried, I hope things work out for you two but I'm not confident that it will. But keep in mind that if he cheats on you then he's not worth it anyway. Try talking to him about your concerns, he'll possibly be less likely to break up with you or cheat on you if he knows you're actively concerned about that happening. It's not guaranteed but having conversation with him is the best advice I can give.

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    • skysey
      8 years ago

      Honestly, he just gets annoyed when I do
      It's impossible to talk to him about it, though I've told him how I feel

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      • Thorolf
        8 years ago

        That's a bad sign. If he says that they are just his friends, then I'd suggest to trust him because you don't want to seem overly jealous. But I wouldn't want to put too much hope in a guy who's impossible to talk to on certain subjects though, so be careful.

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    You are powerless over what he does period.

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  • mysistersshadow
    8 years ago

    Sounds like its all but over. Sorry.

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  • xfg14
    8 years ago

    I always feel better when I cut.

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    • kittycatrelle
      8 years ago

      Class?

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