Is it normal to be overwhelemed by someone who tries to get too serious quickly

26 Comments

Is it normal to feel overwhelmed when you first start seeing someone casually and after a couple of days they start talking about wanting to be together for years?

I felt guilty for feeling this way, but I asked them can we no talk about years, but take things casually day by day and they continued to talk about years. It ultimately overwhelmed me and chased me away. is it normal that this made me uncomfy or overwhelmed or should I have just been appreciative that someone wanted to be with me for years?

Normal to be scared off by this especially since the guy didn't listen	26
Not normal, should have been glad someone thought about me seriously	3
Other	2

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Comments ( 26 )

Ellenna

7 years ago

That's way too soon: he's either a bullshit artist or very needy and desperate. Whatever, I'd feel uncomfortable too, especially as he kept it up after you asked him to stop.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  You're right I was having trouble getting perspective of why I felt so uncomfy. It was either bullshit or needy/desperation. You hit the nail on the head. Literally it all started with him saying lets have something casual and we'll both see other people and I said great sounds good and a few days later he was talking about us being together for years and wanted to know where I was all the time. I told him you said you wanted something casual lets take it one day at a time and he just kept going. I think it was some kind of needy desperate possessive thing. Sometimes it's hard getting perspective on a weird situation that you're in when it's upsetting you. Thanks!
  
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ilovetoteabagsally

7 years ago

More likely a serial predator .

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Maybe. So far he's left me alone when I told him this wasn't what we agreed on and broke it off. I hope he continues to leave me alone
  
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  - ilovetoteabagsally
    
    7 years ago
    
    Hoping it all worked out for you!!
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Thanks he started communicating with me again and no matter how many time I tell him it's over he tells me I'll change my mind... it's creepy
      
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xfg43

7 years ago

Women often run into this problem when meeting nice guys who aren't using them for sex.

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- Ellenna
  
  7 years ago
  
  And often with not nice guys who are using them for sex and know that some vulnerable needy women will fall for this bullshit and give them whatever they want ........ for a while anyway.
  
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  - Murun
    
    7 years ago
    
    &@XFG43
    Both of the above do happen.
    
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  The first day of the relationship it was a mutually agreed on causal sex relationship, so supposedly we were using each other for sex
  
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MR.mr

7 years ago

yah that's way to quick, I dated a girl and after 3 months she was talking about marriage, and even after 3 months it still made me a little nervous, 3 days is way fucking too soon.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Thanks for the perspective. Things were getting so weird and intense so quickly, it was hard for me to figure out if my feelings of being uncomfy were justfied
  
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sandnigga

7 years ago

I mean yes, its nice that he finds you attractive, whether its personality, looks or whatever.

But no, you are completely fine for feeling like he's rushing you.

Relationships usually take time to build, depending on how well you two get along and all that.

But yea, if you dont feel comfortable right now, then you dont. Then he might have to wait.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  I think I felt complimented that he liked me so much. Thanks for your response. It was hard for me to gain perspective because I was so upset. Yes, feelings take time and I was way uncomfortable. I broke it off with him a little before I posted this. I was just having trouble figuring out why being liked so much upset me so much, but yes you're right feelings take time and I was so blindsided by all of this since it started off on day 1 with him saying hey lets to something casual and we'll both see others and me saying great and then him a few days later talking about us being together for years. I appreciate your response!
  
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  - sandnigga
    
    7 years ago
    
    Upset over what? haha
    
    He likes you :)
    
    And you mean *complicated?
    
    He can still be your friend :)
    
    I mean yea, thats why 7 year friendships with people seem more valuable than a guy you just met, and dont really know that well.
    
    Yea no problem! :) Glad you can see it now ;P
    
    Unless you want a 1 day relationship lol
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      I was upset over how he told me he wanted something casual, which was all I wanted and the next day he was planning our life together and telling me he loved me. It was disturbing. I do want more than a 1 day relationship with the right person. With him we both agreed to casual and that's all I wanted. Maybe if he would have gotten so possessive so quickly other feelings could have developed? I don't know.
      
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      - sandnigga
        
        7 years ago
        
        Yea obviously thats not casual. And thats not what you wanted.
        
        So yea, if he cant stick by what you want, then bye bye to him.
        
        It has to be mutual. Both have to agree.
        
        Oh yea you definately couldve got feelings for him. You still could.
        
        But if he isnt following what you want, then I doubt it haha
        
        Did this happen after you possibly had sex with him?
        
        Cause it would make sense. For him to then get a feeling of closeness to you. In his mind anyway.
        
        But hes gotta stick by an agreement. Well its good your not confused now :)
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        It happened the 2nd time we had sex... the first time we had sex he was still talking about keeping it casual and seeing others.
        
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Jayemen

7 years ago

Hell, yes..I dated a woman only a few weeks. First time she was my house..The very first time, she mentioned how her son would love my fenced-in yard WHEN they moved in. This is the first, and, only time, I took her to my house.

Another, whom I dated for a few months, was with 10 days, when she said "So, why don't we get the big ring?"...While I did like her, there was no way we were going for the big ring after a week and a half..

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Jacob_Zuma_783

7 years ago

Were you his first relationship? It's normal for newbies to think their first love is "the one" - their forever true love. Do him and yourself a favour and dump him. You'll hopefully find someone more mature and he will learn a much needed lesson.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  He claims to have been in way more relationships than me
  
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Tealights

7 years ago

You're smart, and listen to your intuition.

Quick involvement is a bad sign. Real love takes time and patience, because you have to get to know the person.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Thanks. I have low self-esteem and I'm not used to being so admired by someone, but yeah it couldn't have been real, because like you said real love takes time and patience. I certainly didn't love him (we had a brief friendship before and I was fond of him but that's about it)and he was obsessed with me it seems the more I think about it.
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to be overwhelemed by someone who tries to get too serious quickly