Is it normal to be offended when people reject your efforts to be friendly?

72% Normal

I generally like people and try to treat them the way I like to be treated. I have a feeling of good will toward people and I try to treat people in a way that validates them as a person and makes them feel like they matter.
If somebody speaks a different language and I know any words in that language I try to use them once in a while when around that person.
I also usually speak to people the first time I see them each day when we're coming in to work; good morning, or hello Chris or Tom or whatever, and most people can accept that and respond in kind.
The problem is there are some people who won't answer, and when those people get used to the idea that I'm going to say something to them, they don't even look my direction anymore. It's like they're thinking if they don't see me I won't see them and then everything will be OK.
I have a free gift for anybody who can accept it. It's my feeling of good will toward them, with no obligation . Most people turn toward me like a flower turns to the sun and respond. The ones who don't, well I think to myself "piss on you then, you're on your own".
Anybody else feel that way?

Voting Results

72% Normal

Based on 18 votes (13 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 16 )

TrustMeImLying

8 years ago

One of my favorite quotes "Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same"

Comment Hidden ( show )

5

5
- gloryholeflasher
  
  8 years ago
  
  Yup, I've figured that out. It's a delicate balancing act trying to treat people right. The criteria for determining "right" seem to be pretty fluid.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  2
  
  2
noid

8 years ago

Some people don't enjoy routine exchanges of pleasantries with acquaintances or strangers. It feels meaningless, shallow and annoying. They prefer to be left alone in these circumstances. Someone who is not a morning person and whose day doesn't usually start well may not want to be told good morning in a cheery tone. A person who is not feeling "fine" may get tired of being asked how they are and expected to say that in return.

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
- gloryholeflasher
  
  8 years ago
  
  I understand what you're saying. I take that into account. I don't try to engage people in conversation unless they're the talkative ones.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - noid
    
    8 years ago
    
    Good
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
CountessDouche

8 years ago

Isn't that the biggest human flaw lol? You always assume that people are in the same frame of mind as you; that they will understand your intentions, and that you will understand theirs...it's always a struggle to communicate, even in the most basic of situations.

You're assuming they just want to shun your friendly gesture, but who the fuck knows...maybe they have horrible social anxiety and they just can't handle a hello, and find it a hassle; maybe they just watched their own mother get run over by a bus and still showed up to work like a boss; maybe they were raised in a plate licking household devoid of common courtesy; maybe they interpret your hello as a terrifyingly innapropriate come on; or maybe they be crushy and want the D and can't bring themselves to look in your handsome brown(?) eyes....or maybe they fucking hate small talk and niceties...I myself find small talk to be a burden sometimes.

Who the fuck knows....

Point is: you have no idea what's going on in their heads. If you have the best of intentions and are trying to be friendly, carry on, but people not returning the gesture is no reason to be pissy.

You may fail to understand them or they may fail to understand you. Happens every day.

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
- gloryholeflasher
  
  8 years ago
  
  I don't treat anybody "pissy". I said "I think to MYSELF well piss on you then. I understand people have a bad day once in a while, sometimes the dog just got ran over by a truck, etc. I make allowance for the possibility that women might feel they're being hit on and they don't want to encourage it. It's been my observation that work tends to bring out the worst in people.
  There's a woman at work who looks down at her feet sometimes and I get a barely audible hi out of her when we pass each other in the aisle every morn when I say "hi Sharon". The only thing I ever did to her was ask her name when she was standing next to me at the vending machines the first week I started there a dozen years ago. She answered me very coldly, so after that I never tried to go beyond a simple hi or good morning. She acts like she's never gotten over that one incident.
  But, one day as I was walking toward the door at the gas station she came out the door, flashed me a big smile and said hi. That's the ONLY time she's ever showed any civility. I figured I caught her off guard and she recognized me and said hi before she remembered who I am. Next day at work and ever after she's back to normal, a barely audible hi, IF she even looks my way. About half the time she's not looking my way because she's busy looking at the block wall on the other side of the aisle as she walks past.
  There was another woman who came in on the next shift and walked past me at my press every day. My press faced the aisle and she was my union steward, so I should have been able to say hi or good morning. After a few years of her not responding I thought well maybe she just wants to be left alone, so finally I quit speaking to her. After a couple days she began to turn toward me every day when she passed by like she was waiting for something. At that point I felt like I was being very rude to not speak to her so I started saying hi again. Then it was just like before. Sometimes looking the other way at a skid of boxes or down at her feet.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - CountessDouche
    
    8 years ago
    
    I didn't mean treat people pissy...sorry for the confusion. I meant BE pissy- as in feel angry (on the inside) about it.
    
    I've worked in offices before, and I was sort of amazed at how childish grown adults can act in that type of environment. It's difficult to navigate the little social web that people who've worked together for years seem to establish.
    
    Anyways, it seems like you're just trying to be friendly, and even if you feel as if the people you work with are being rude, it's better just to stay out of the drama and continue being friendly, regardless of whether others reciprocate...even if they are being cunts, theirs no point in sinking to their level.
    
    My only point was that there are many reasons for people to act the way they do. It's not good for you or them to assume the worst. There's no point in getting angry if you have good intentions.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    3
    
    3
    - gloryholeflasher
      
      8 years ago
      
      You're right. I don't ACT offended, it just irritates me on the inside where they can't see it. I have won over a few people just by being patient and giving them time to figure out that I'm no threat and I'm not after anything.
      Anyway, thanks for your comments and perspective. That's what I was looking for when I posted my question. Obviously I can't ask the people who aren't talking to me.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
  - reginaFalangi
    
    8 years ago
    
    This other woman you mention, who expects you to say hello apparently, that's wierd. Like she won't bring herself to say hello but still knows you will. If i were you, just out of curiosity, I'd try not saying hello again for a while to observe her reaction.
    
    I've been in the not responding side myself, i was just used to keeping my mouth shut and didn't realize how good it would be (for me and the other person) to answer with a smile.
    I had had a very boring chilhood and a not very nice time at primary school, suffered a bit of bullying even. So all this social things weren't even in my radar, now that i come to think of it. My default expression was seriousness.
    I guess if you are used to people ignoring or being mean to you, people who are friendly out of nowhere kind of puzzles you.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - gloryholeflasher
      
      8 years ago
      
      The aforementioned "other woman" got fired for excessive absenteeism, so she's no longer an issue.
      I was an unsociable loner until into my forties when I finally opened up, so I can somewhat understand some of the reasons people might not be social, but even then I would respond to people who showed themselves to be friendly, even though it stressed me out a little just to do that much. Sometimes I even changed my route in order to avoid meeting them.
      So, on my good days I just keep on keeping on trying to make allowance for people like that. I think to myself, what if I'm the only person being friendly to them? Should I stop?
      I remember a Mexican girl that worked near me for several months. I always called her by name to say hello. She never had anything to say beyond answering me with "hi". Sometimes I wondered if I was annoying her. Then she got terminated for excessive absenteeism. Several months later I saw her in the post office and said hi to her and asked how she was doing. She acted like she was happy I spoke to her. She said I was the ONLY person that was friendly to her when she worked by me, that I always said hi, and she hated that job and was usually half drunk just to get herself thru the shift and told me about her failed relationship and how she now had a guy that treats her with respect. She was bubbling over with enthusiasm and personal information, and it made me glad I never gave up on her because it obviously it mattered to her that she mattered to me, even though she didn't show it at the time.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
thegypsysailor

8 years ago

I consider it their loss if they don't want to be my friend. I generally have a lot more to offer my friends than they have to offer me. After all, how many of your friends have and free cabin on their yacht in the Caribbean, when it is -20 degrees and snowing where you live?

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- gloryholeflasher
  
  8 years ago
  
  I imagine you have a waiting list for people who want to be your friend.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - thegypsysailor
    
    8 years ago
    
    Mainly when it's -20 and snowing where they live.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

8 years ago

scammers muggers and rapists is often real friendly at first

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
Arm0se

8 years ago

It makes me angry.

Comment Hidden ( show )

-1

-1

Are You Normal?

Is it normal to be offended when people reject your efforts to be friendly?