Is it normal to be mature minded but not act mature?

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5 Comments

I know all the right things to do its just I don't do it. Either because I'm incapable of doing it or because I think its too much/tacky/extra. For example, my potential bf drove up to see me and we planned going back to his home together. I wanted to drive us going back cause that was just the right thing to do since he already did his turn. However, I'm just learning how to drive even tho he expects me to know alreadg which makes sense. So I didn't drive us back and I feel like sh*t because if only my confidence level was higher I would've done so. I just wanna take care of him but some things I'm incapable of doing. Its like that saying "I don't have anything but I hope my heart is enough" or something...that's like my case. Other times are just common courtesy cases where I'm not sure if what I know is right will look like I'm just trying too hard to look like a good person and it just looks tacky. So a lot of the holdbacks I have from actually acting mature makes me look clueless and basically immature when I'm not. Its pretty annoying.

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78% Normal
Based on 9 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • zoffix
    9 years ago

    Not driving because you suck at driving... What does that have to do with being mature/immature?

    To me it seems like you have some sort of distorted picture of what everyone's supposed to be doing.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I feel like that is a good example of being immature or mature. Tell me why not, enlighten me please
      And I think I kno what u mean with " distorted picture" but explain cause you might be right.

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      • zoffix
        9 years ago

        Maybe you're not using words mature/immature correctly, which muddles up what you're trying to say; I don't know.

        If you tell me someone's immature, I'd imagine someone who thinks fart jokes are the pinnacle of humour, someone who can't take basic care of themselves, someone who puts others down based on their looks or disabilities, someone who gets pissy and pretends you don't exist when you have an argument, instead of having an open conversation. Essentially, someone who plain and simple acts like a 12-year old kid.

        What you describe, however, is bailing out of driving, because you're a new driver and don't have enough confidence, and then feeling bad about it. But driving is just a skill. Would you feel bad if this guy had cooked you a meal, but you didn't cook one because you are a poor cook? Would you feel bad if this guy had drawn you a picture, but you didn't draw one because you suck at drawing?

        To me, being mature has nothing to do with whether someone knows how to drive or has some other skill. It's basically all about emotional intelligence and personality.

        As for distorted picture... Well, if I had driven to your house, I certainly wouldn't expect you to drive us back to his place. In fact, it would be kind'f weird, unless you wanted some driving practice, since you're new. I wouldn't be thinking you immature for not "pitching in" and driving us back. I'd be thinking whether or not I'd be getting laid tonight, which I bet he was thinking about too :)

        The other thing you mention is not knowing whether the stuff you do to "look like a good person" might look tacky. Let me ask you: to your mind, *are* you a good person? Then you shouldn't even worry about what you do. I follow a very simple rule to being a good person: "Don't be an asshole." I don't do anything an asshole would do on purpose, and if I do it accidentally, I apologize. Simple.

        "Taking care" of your boyfriend doesn't necessarily mean doing equal share of driving or having some other skill that you say you don't have. You can simply provide support, believe in what he's trying to accomplish, offer advice when asked for, and just listening to what he's got to say.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          I would feel bad about all those things lol especially cooking. I can cook but I think I have high expectations for myself to do for him that whatever I do is not good enough.
          But based on what you said being mature is I guess I am mature. But like I said I'm definitely mature minded so that includes emotional intelligence and personality for sure but my poor actions are not necessarily immature.
          In terms of distorted picture, yeah I do sometimes think the wrong things and that's not even what's going on or what should happen so I've been working on relaxing and not believing everything I think. However with the driving, he had said "OK so should I drive first hr and you sec or vice versa?" So it was like he was expecting to do that cause it was he right thing to do. I bailed by pretending to fall asleep lol and it worked but I still felt bad.
          He does know I like taking care of him and I do all those things in terms of giving him support. But I know i can do more which i thought was to be more mature or I should just lower my expectations for myself?

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          • zoffix
            9 years ago

            Haha, well pretending to fall asleep is certainly a bad and kind'f immature thing to do. I wouldn't say it really "worked" because he might have been a little upset by you falling asleep, when you two first decided you'd drive the second half. You should have simply explained to him that you didn't want to drive and why. That's how adults handle stuff; not by hiding from each other by pretending to be asleep.

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