Is it normal to be disappointed in your bf when seeing how he is with friends?

67% Normal
27 Comments

I got to know my boyfriend's friends and when they're together in a group, I get so disappointed in 'people'. They talk dirty, do and say the most disgusting things, make mean jokes about each other or people who aren't there, are incredibly rude. I'm a very sensitive person and just was with them 3 days in a row because of an event, and I've been in tears 11 times!!! I even ran away a few times or locked myself up somewhere I could be alone.. :$ My bf says it's just for fun that they make fun of each other and I shouldn't see this as sush a big deal. Btw, my bf's brother cheated on his gf who was on vacation (his gf is a close friend to all of them though)and I was shocked, but my bf and his friends where just lauging and making jokes about it. It feels like they are heartless or something, and my bf even seems a different person when he's with them. Is he only playing a role when he's with me? Is this normal or am I such a weak hearted person or something?

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 58 votes (39 yes)
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Comments ( 27 )
  • dom180
    11 years ago

    I think it's not weird that he changes depending on who he's with (*everyone* does that even if they don't realise it), but it's weird that he changes to quite that extent. It doesn't by any stretch prove he's putting on an act though.

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  • Ldizzy1234
    11 years ago

    I think you should dump him. If he hangs around people that act the way his friends do, and if he thinks that his brother cheating on his gf isn't a big deal, then he's probably just the same. Birds of a feather flock together. And I agree with what Mando said. They didn't even care about your presence or feelings. You could tell him how you feel first, but if he doesn't bother to care, just leave him. He sounds like a jerk anyway.

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  • Mando
    11 years ago

    You should judge your bf by the company he keeps and the way he behaves. You find them obnoxious because they are. They had no respect for your presence or feelings. Be happy that you have normal standards. So go find a guy who isn't stuck in early adolescence with his fellow dorks.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    This is why females shouldn't even listen to men when they are with their friends, because you just make it awkward.

    If yo udon't like it, don't socialize with them.

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    • VioletTrees
      11 years ago

      I talk to my fiancé and his friends all the time.

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  • Ryan556
    11 years ago

    This is normal I do this all the time it's fun to pull there leg my gf says to stop being mean to each outher so im on the same boat but mail

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  • IrishPotato
    11 years ago

    Boys will be boys I guess.
    I'm not like this but...I guess most guys are?

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    • Ryan556
      11 years ago

      You guessed right

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  • forever_anon
    11 years ago

    Yes, it's normal. I feel the same way about my husband's friends. They're not quite as off-color as your man's friends seem to be, but when my spouse is with his friends, they don't bring out the best in him. So I choose not to socialize with them. It's a good solution: both of us get what we want and it saves a lot of strain on our relationship. But if they made comments that condoned cheating and my SO agreed with them, I would be concerned.

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  • Wüstenfuchs
    11 years ago

    Men normally do this. Pray he doesn't work construction, because this is the kind of thing we do all day long. If it were anyone besides my coworkers that were to talk to me the way we joke around all day, there'd be murder-suicide in the news. We're horrid to eachother and everyone around us. But we have camaraderie amongst ourselves, and we are nothing like that one-on-one, even with eachother, outside of the group. O.o I don't know if this helps, but it's a male's personal experience.

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  • myboyfriendsbitch
    11 years ago

    At first I thought you might be over-emotional as it's common for friends to make fun of each other, as long add they're not hurting your feelings directly. It's also common for guy friends to feel no remorse for cheating if they feel that the person might have deserved it-it's some wired way of supporting one another emotionally, perhaps. However, if that is not the case, your boyfriend might not be who you think he is and there is a possibility of you being cheated on while he laughs about it with his guy friends. He may feel more comfortable around his buddies, but his personality shouldn't change too drastically.

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    • IrishPotato
      11 years ago

      How do you make out that he's cheating out of this?
      You are so distrusting.

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      • Mando
        11 years ago

        Dear Mr Awesome - do you or do you not hang out with people who share the same or similar values, beliefs and attitudes? Case closed.

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      • myboyfriendsbitch
        11 years ago

        I didn't say he was cheating. I said she risks being cheated on since they don't care that the other girl was cheated on. That is like the worst part of this post and the main thing the OP should be concerned about.

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        • IrishPotato
          11 years ago

          Cheating because a gf or bf cheated, is quite stupid if you ask me.

          And I think she should jut let him be who he is, with his friends.
          If she dislikes them, and the way he is around them, don't hang out with them.

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          • myboyfriendsbitch
            11 years ago

            No doubt.

            If he thinks it's ok for his bro to cheat he may not see the problem in doing it himself and these two should not be together.

            On the other hand, i would not give two shits if my bf's brother cheated on his gf because she's aho. I wouldn't joke about it, but I wouldn't stand up for her or anything. I don't know OP's full story, but there are situations when guys find this subject an acceptable thing to joke about.

            My bf and his friends say all sorts of horrible things, but they generally don't encourage or condone cheating.

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            • plum6
              11 years ago

              If I'm correctly interpreting what you are saying I agree with you, cheating obviously cannot be condoned but making fun and joking about such a thing happening to others is not directly bad or supporting said behaviour.

              Also, I think that you should not relate or make assumptions based on other people in your BFs life (even if they are directly related) and just assume he has similar tendencies.

              Guys are different around their friends and that will probably never change. It is ok to find it dumb and immature but I think you should not let it affect the relationship that you two have. To him it is most likely not related at all.

              Also, think about it from a different perspective for a sec: the fact that he actually feels that he needs and wants to change his behaviour in a positive way when you two are together seems (to me) like a sign that he respects you and wants to treat you right.

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            • IrishPotato
              11 years ago

              Joking about cheating?
              How is cheating funny?

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