Is it normal to be attracted to/in love 2 years absolutely unrequited?

What I'm mostly asking for here is #1, apparently, that you could read (skim?) a novel-long post, and #2, for feedback on my "dealing with it" ideas (listed at the end).

I am a female college student, generally intelligent, level-headed, and focused on ideas and my work.

However, over the course of two years, I have been, at various stages, intrigued by, attracted to, and finally in (unrequited) love with another student.

I consider my sexuality ambiguous and undefined, in the interest of being open minded and on the grounds that I have never before been attracted to anyone.

This student is male, and one of the first people I have ever felt akin to in terms of personality, lifestyle, interests...

However, even though he has a history of 7 different girlfriends, one which he had sexual relations with, this individual went from self-describing as "bisexual" to "homosexual."

BOOM. There goes any hope of resolution from my happy new ability to, you know, have sexual feelings toward somebody I actually know.

Before people start making assumptions, I have absolutely nothing against any form of sexuality, including homosexuality. This individual has zero stereotypical gay characteristics (not that I endorse those either), and I have nearly no "typically female and/or gay" interests, so this is not a Will&Grace/faghag situation, sorry. I like being down-to-earth, as 'unfabulous' as possible, and have a dry, not campy, humor. Same as him.

My current ideas for dealing with this include:

1. Writing a manifesto on how sexuality should be open in every single person and dependent on the whims of a moment, and not the labels of a lifetime, to blow off some quasi-intellectual angst and rationalize the two years I somehow expected his sexuality to not be set in stone.

2. Work really hard to mentally regard this individual as a "brother" to move him outside of the sexualizable realm. This would also allow me to still love him, but in a less depression-forming way when those kind of feelings aren't reciprocated. We are very close so him seeing me as a sister wouldn't be that far outside possible.

3. Explore my sexuality outside of the context of this one fictionalized relationship. This doesn't mean I'm going to go look for a boyfriend or girlfriend desperately, just keep an open eye, maybe go out to social functions once in a while.

4. Return more focus to my work, interests, and visions for the world. Getting stuff done, basically.

Thoughts? Or TL;DR?

Voting Results
59% Normal
Based on 17 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • MrJusticeXD

    That... Was the most eloquent prose i have ever read.... Partaining to libido and love interest... You did something awesome for my soul today... Thank you.

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    • AtaPhen

      I'm very glad! Thank you too. I was half a second from axing half of it because I thought it would be TL;DR...but I suppose it's good I didn't.

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  • adam69

    He most likely doesn't give a shit abt you or he would have noticed

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    • AtaPhen

      I would be inclined to agree, except (1) he is seriously oblivious to all social cues, I have observed this, and (2) I didn't really respond to my feelings in any way which could not be simply the actions of a close friend, or which were normal or stereotypical enough to get connected to 'oh, I guess she likes me *that* way'...its also true that given his sexuality its 100% likely that its beyond his capacity to view me that way.

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  • rsb12

    Why don't you just tell him how you feel?

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    • AtaPhen

      Thought about it...might still do that...I'm not a very open person though, so perhaps in 20 years. From now til then, though, I'll just rely on the adversarial aspects of our relationship to keep up the appearance that this surface-side to it is all there is. Being a very asocial (and at times anti-social..) person, that should just be natural for me. Thank you for your advice.

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  • Womp nuggets.

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    • AtaPhen

      Indeed.

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  • DavidS.

    Who cares what you do...I hope you suffer enough to keep writing about it...we could hopefully follow your long tortuous life...because you have an awesome mind and are a great writer...Seriously though, unrequited means unavailable...emotionally , physically and otherwise...you have the right to get your needs met..once a person indicates they are not there for me I lose attraction to them...don't you? As far as what you should do is keep being yourself...you have a great creative mind..hopefully yo will find someone who appreciates you.

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    • AtaPhen

      I guess I do lose attraction for someone who doesn't appreciate me, but that's what made it more difficult: he did, and does appreciate me, a hell of a lot. Just not physically, in the end, even though he always does these small things that kept making me question, and think that just maybe he did.

      However, I get the common sense in what you're saying, and am going to try to follow both your and my own advice to myself.

      Thank you for your compliments, as long as they weren't sarcastic, in which case, I also appreciate and love the sarcasm ;)

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  • myownopinions

    A combination of three and four. You could also always just ask the guy out to be absolutely sure if you have a chance of dating him, but beyond that, it's out of your power and there are plenty of other guys out there.

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    • AtaPhen

      Yeah, writing it out really helped, and now I'm thinking 3 and 4, pretty much. If I were to do those, 2 would probably just fall into place, and 1 can be for the free-time I'll never have. Not a big fan of dwelling on things, but sometimes writing can just really 'resolve' something for me, and then I don't need to think about it again.

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