Is it normal to be at peace but unhappy at the same time?

I am going through a breakup and its so hard that people just never seen me this vulnerable and down about something before. I mean I really love him and we're still open about getting back together but I dont know how or when. He makes me happy but I'm starting to get this weird sense of peace without him. It's like I'm at peace but I'm unhappy without him. If he were to give me a ring and I saw his face on my phone pop up, I would be like "omg get away from me" but at the same time why? He makes me happy. But this is why I feel at peace, because it was a really toxic relationship. It wasn't that he was a bad guy to me but he didn't exactly treat me like he should've. I had anxiety, insecurities, desperation, etc, I was usually trying to make the best of it,and was never satisfied. I was just really crazy about him that I wanted everything to be perfect and sometimes his behavior didn't help. So that's why I feel really peaceful right now without him but I'm unhappy. Yet, if we were to talk again, I'd be the happiest ever again but there's probably gonna be some drama and I'll be back to being anxious. I just always cared about how he viewed me which is funny because I always tell myself just be you, he's the one who made the first move so he was obviously attracted to me when he first met me, when I was just being myself. Perhaps if I let him in again and I try my hardest to be myself and not care, things will work out?