Is it normal to be a little put off knowing your partner's been with others?

71% Normal
27 Comments

Now, I've had my share of partners (both male and female) so I'm not new to the game. However, I recently started a relationship with another girl and for some reason, just knowing that she's had sex with other people before (and hopefully not at the moment) just kind of puts me off.

I still really like her and I don't know if you'd call it a dirtiness... It's kind of an awkwardness. I only knew three of the people she's slept with. One was a great guy, the guy who took her virginity, and one was a flaming douche one-timer that she extremely regrets. Actually, her telling me that he was the one who took it really bugged me because now I want to hit him for starting it all (but that's probably just me being a jealous lover a bit haha).

I know she's clean (no STD's, STI's, or anything like that) and she doesn't actually sleep around a lot. She just has had a lot of relationships (a lot of people can't handle some drama she's had in the past).

She's really sweet but for some reason just knowing that she's only 20 and she's already been with at least 5 guys that I know of is kind of... a put off.... I don't know. It's not jealousy, really, because I knew she wasn't a virgin. Hell, I don't know. I guess I want to see if this is normal or not. Haha.

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 92 votes (65 yes)
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Comments ( 27 )
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    "Now, I've had my share of partners "

    Right there is where your problem may be. You've been with others... yet you can't get over the fact that she's been with others too?

    That sounds a bit hypocritical.

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    • ILikeToPickMySkin
      11 years ago

      Wow. Thank you Captain Obvious. That's why this is confusing to me. And I haven't felt like this with other people.

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        11 years ago

        Just because it's obvious doesn't mean it cannot be stated.

        In fact sometimes that's the best reason TO state it... people get so sidetracked by little aspects they often forget - or try to overlook the main obvious issue.

        In your case it's the fact that you're letting her past affect you when it's not your business and rather hypocritical.

        Perhaps it's time to start concentrating on that, rather than focusing on imagining others touching her.

        After all you cannot change the past... so what good does it to do dwell on it? Unless of course your goal is to drive yourself into a self-made bad mood... in which case, congratulations on that.

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  • plum6
    11 years ago

    I think it's absolutely normal as well. My girlfriend has quite a sexual history as well (especially when compared to myself) and I hate to think about her 'giving' herself and her body to someone and having been intimate with others, but these feelings are just a part of caring for a person!

    You simply want to be the only one for them and you feel like the previous partners 'defiled' her in some way. Especially with women who in my opinion get fucked (to say it bluntly) while men seem to be in control in such a situation, so there is less of a vulnerable situation from the male perspective.

    Me and my girlfriend have naturally discussed it, but I prefer just not thinking about it at all. I also feel that it helps me that I do not know and/or have seen any of her previous partners, it creates some sort of a distance.

    You should not let it affect your relationship though, just be happy you are the one that is with her now, you cannot turn back time anyway. I honestly think it is a true sign of caring for your girlfriend though!

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  • joybird
    11 years ago

    Young people constantly make the mistake of telling their life story to their new partners. There are some things it's kinder if they don't know.

    Would you all stop talking / asking about their pasts and live for the moment?!

    Your current relationships will probably add soon enough without throwing jealousy into the mix.

    I've been with the same man for over 25 years and have never once asked who he dated / slept with before me. There are some things we are better not knowing - Yuck!!

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  • ready2rumble
    11 years ago

    I don't like it either; it's a big turn off when a girl tells me about her past relationships. Those are the type of things that people should keep to themselves.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    Sounds like a bit of after-the-fact-jealousy. Maybe you feel as if those other guys defiled her in some way. You DID mention that they couldn't handle her past. Personally, when I think of my husband's shitty ex girlfriends, I feel the same way. It's not so much about the sex. It's about them giving themselves to someone and being hurt by them in the end.

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    • scumfuck
      11 years ago

      yes i agree with this if she still has contact with those people it's normal to feel jealousy especially the guy who took her virginity they can never forget that one even if it's a douche

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    • ILikeToPickMySkin
      11 years ago

      That could very well be it.

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  • Caryopteris
    11 years ago

    I don't feel upset by hearing about past relationships as long as he is over them and there are reasons he moved on. I find it all very interesting. I like to hear about relationships. Very interesting. Sometimes I think I do not understand other women any more than men do!

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  • jucedaguy
    11 years ago

    I honestly don't care how many partners she has had. As long as she is happy, healthy, clean and carries no hang ups about it. Everybody has sex, everybody enjoys sex and it is a natural instinct to have sex. Society is to blame for the stigmas if today, if all this judgement and jealousy stopped. Psychology would be almost redundant. Get out there and root who you want to root, I doesn't bother me... Just be safe and don't let anyone make you do things against your will.

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  • OheyKayree
    11 years ago

    YES!!!! I am EXTREMELY put off! Thank god I'm not tge only one. In this day and age where having sex with anyone and everyone is more acceptable, its not uncommon for people to have had multiple partners by their 20's. My boyfriend had been with 5 people (at eighteen!!) before I got to him, little miss virgin found it very displeasing. I really just try not to think about it.
    More to the point it's the callibre of people he's been with. One has a full beard and moustache yet bosoms the size of basketballs. Ick.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    Of course there's also the irony-angle here.

    Something to consider before holding a woman's past against her.... do you want her to stay?

    Cos if you hold her past against her, that's a great way to encourage her to leave. And to find someone else who is less judgmental.

    in which case her past history of being in someone else's arms and bed might just become a very CURRENT reality.

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    • ILikeToPickMySkin
      11 years ago

      I'm not holding it against her outwardly. This is all in my head. She doesn't know how I feel about the subject and I don't bring it up because I know it's hypocritical. And she's not a cheater. In fact, she usually refuses to break up with someone herself. She distances herself from them until they can't take it. I've been her friend for a while before we started dating. I know how she works. I almost wish I didn't so I wouldn't have to think about all of this.

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        11 years ago

        oh i never said she'll cheat... i simply said she might leave you. which isn't cheating. that's just breaking up.

        but even if it's in your own head only... perhaps it's time to start conditioning your mind. it's possible you know. every time you start thinking about it, remind yourself that she's with you now and to "stop it"

        might do you some good

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  • PalestinianGuy
    11 years ago

    I'm waiting till marriage, so only my wife will have the privilege of experiencing my cock inside her, so of course I'd hate it if I knew she slept with another man.
    But in your case, you said you banged both males\females, and like Jusin Timberlake said : "What goes around, comes around".

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      You are probably missing out on fun time's for yourself, that the person you are going to marry one day is having themselves.

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      • ILikeToPickMySkin
        11 years ago

        I never had plans of getting married. And technically, I can marry a woman if I wanted to. Please keep your bigot views off this story. No one cares that you don't like bisexuals and homosexuals.

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        • [Old Memory]
          11 years ago

          Kindly point out in my original post where I bashed homosexuals and bi-sexuals. And it was even addressed to you.

          Serves me right for offering advice though. Its totally normal that you expected her to sit in her room waiting for you AND ONLY YOU to come along and seduce her. Totally and completely normal. Life is just like those romance novels and romantic comedy movies.

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    • ILikeToPickMySkin
      11 years ago

      So you have a problem with me being bi?

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      • PalestinianGuy
        11 years ago

        Where in my post did I mention that I have a problem with you being bisexual?

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    • GuessWho
      11 years ago

      ^ Agree 100%

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  • Pandabear16
    11 years ago

    It's normal, I also had the same dilemma as you, but you'll Soon forget all about it and you'll be more focused on her

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    It's not a pleasant thought, that's for sure. I don't think anyone likes to visualize their current love being with other partners, even if it happened well in the past.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      I'm actually wrong here; some people do enjoy visualizing their lovers being with other partners (eg. cuckholding). It's just not something that I personally enjoy doing.

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  • arshkia
    11 years ago

    western girls really sucks

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    • jucedaguy
      11 years ago

      What do you care about girls anyway. Don't hate on other people dude, especially using your superior indoctrinated views. I respect you have your own views, but hating on people you don't clearly know and have been fed rubbish about since you were little, goes against any known faith on this earth... Sadly it is often these " faiths" that spread the hate through indoctrination.

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