Is it normal to ask someone to test for std's with you during a first date?

32% Normal

Hi, I'm a 24 year old girl and because I'm horrified of getting STD's (Like HIV and Herpes) I now ask every man I go out with to go with me to a Clinic to test for STD's on our first date. Some men didn't respond well to this, and some have even brushed me off during our first contact. It can get frustrating.

The way that I see it, if you are an honest person and if you have nothing to hide, then why hesitate? I'm sure there were some guys who didn't have any STD's and were just uncomfortable with the idea. I can understand the discomfort, but it's not like I'm asking the person to test alone. I'm volunteering myself to test too, as a show of honesty and good faith to my potential partner.

What do you guys think?

Voting Results

32% Normal

Based on 84 votes (27 yes)

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Comments ( 29 )

[Old Memory]

12 years ago | pl

On the first date is extremely presumptuous, no wonder guys have had a problem with it.

Maybe it would be better if you ask them once you know them a bit better, or when there is actually mutual intentions of physical intimacy.

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- Lynxikat
  
  12 years ago
  
  THIS.
  
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disthing

12 years ago

That is a terrible, TERRIBLE idea for an activity during a 'first date'. Not only does it imply you think you're definitely going to have sex at some point, which is pretty forward and presumptuous of you, it is also weird and not an entertaining / romantic activity.

I would find that bizarre and off putting.

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- Leviathanel
  
  11 years ago
  
  i don't get it... if i'm going on a date with somone it's because i want to fuck them. i'm not going to date somone i'm not attracted to. if a girl made it sound like we'll have edventual sex i would NOT be offended.
  
  why pretend that we're not attracted to one another? everyone is trying to play cool and cold and it's fucking lame and stupid.
  
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  - disthing
    
    11 years ago
    
    Most people go on a date because they want to see if a romantic relationship develops. Sex is only one aspect of a relationship, and just because someone looks good doesn't mean that person's personality, lifestyle, aspirations, interests etc. are compatible.
    
    So, whilst the assumption the other person is physically attracted to you is fair if they accept your offer of a date (or you accept theirs), it's not a reasonable assumption you are definitely going to have sex at the end of the night. You might find each other irritating, with totally different interests, you might turn out to be totally wrong for each other.
    
    If you just wanted to fuck, then you probably wouldn't go on a date, would you? Not a REAL date. It'd be inviting them over to your house with a thinly veiled excuse like 'oh we can watch a movie, get a little drunk...' hint. Or in fact overtly saying you want to fuck.
    
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    - Leviathanel
      
      11 years ago
      
      very well said!
      
      i'm just tired of everyone acting like we're not driven by sex and then turn around to do something driven by sex.
      
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Avant-Garde

12 years ago

Don't have sex on the first date. Wait to get to know the person. See if he's truthful. Once you've taken time to wait, ask.

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suckonthis9

12 years ago

Personally, I would not be offended to be asked to be tested for STD's on a first date, but not everyone is like me.
As a rule: I generally do not engage in sexual intercourse on a first date. My reasoning for this is; we should consider eachother to be worth the wait.
I would not make it a strict rule to ask a prospective sexual partner to be tested for STD's on a first date, however. I would recommend to 'test the waters' first, so to speak. Find out if they are comfortable talking about sex that early in a relationship. If they are, by all means, ask. If they are not, I would wait, if I figure she's worth the wait. If your prospective sexual partner is reluctant to talk about sex and/or being tested for STD's, but is eager to have sex; this would indicate a habitual promiscuous and risky sexual behaviour. I would absolutely insist that they are tested before sexual relations occur, in this event.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  You wouldn't be offended? That's so rare. Most guys I've asked are immediately offended, lol.
  
  I am so afraid of getting STD's because I have a few friends who are my age that made the mistake of not asking their dates to test, and now they're stuck with HIV, Herpes, etc.
  
  All of them told me to not be afraid to ask the person I'm dating to test, because I shouldn't make any decisions I might regret later, especially since STD's are permanent (Until a cure is found, which I doubt will happen soon).
  
  I just don't want to end up like my girlfriends :(
  
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  - Leviathanel
    
    11 years ago
    
    honestly i wouldn't give a rat's ass if my date asked me this. in fact i think it's a good thing to have a healthy sense of paranoia. it's the reason we have these genes that we may pass on.
    
    unfortunately it's too late for me i have herpes. along with about 80% of the world's population. yup, you most likely already have it and just don't know. go look it up if you don't believe me.
    
    could have HPV too, my girlfriend's mother has it and if she transfered it at birth then well i have it to.
    
    talking about that disgusting cunt she just got out of a three week relationship and i know for a fact they had a lot of unprotected sex and i'm sure poor ol' richard doesn't even know he has HPV yet. so yeah. the best way to stop STDs is to educate everyone.
    
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- Avant-Garde
  
  12 years ago
  
  You seem very level headed. It's a shame most people don't think like this. If they did, Then there would be more responsibility and probably less risk of contracting something.
  
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RinTin

12 years ago

IMO first date- get to know them and have fun. Don't ask questions like that. It destroys the mood when a date's going good and all of a sudden you get hit by a question like that.

I just think that's way too soon to be asking...even if you have sex right off the bat I don't think you should ask on the very first date.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  If you were in my situation, exactly how long would you wait? Would that depend on how well you'll get to know them first? Would you ask them to do it if they wanted to have sex?
  
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  - RinTin
    
    12 years ago
    
    I suppose when you feel like taking your relationship to the next level but I agree with Random-BS too. You could probably do it after a few dates. I don't think I'd wait too long either or else you'll feel like you wasted your time with that person if they say no.
    
    Here's a story I read a few weeks ago
    
    http://isitnormal.com/story/is-it-normal-im-having-sex-with-my-bf-even-though-i-have-hpv-118801/
    
    Just in case I'm sure you already knew that though. :):)
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      12 years ago
      
      Okay thanks, I sure do appreciate it :)
      
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[Old Memory]

12 years ago

You seem worth it. I'll test

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ccjigsaw

12 years ago

Might I suggest not asking on the 1st date? Hold out on sex with them until your sure you really like them, keep going out and make sure it's worth both your time. Then later on when he initiates sex, stop him and tell him about your insecurity. I'm sure at that point in the relationship he'll be more willing. To be honest, hearing you say that you do that on the 1st date makes you sound a tad psycho n.n; I'm sure your a wonderful girl, but that's an honest outside point of view on the situation. Good luck to you :)

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myownopinions

12 years ago

Whoops, I voted yes until I saw that you meant on a first date. Unless, you plan to have sex after the first date, you'll probably turn a lot of guys off by doing that...

The reason why some of them brushed you off is probably cause they think you are taking your relationship too seriously for a first date and get scared or just weirded out of the commitment.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Oh, don't worry, I won't ever have sex on a first date. Sex is something that I want to develop on a deeper level by getting to know someone a little better first. I'm gonna start asking my date to test only when he brings up the subject, rather then making it a routine for a first date.
  
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GuessWho

12 years ago

First date, no.
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Test before you plan to fuck. (unless the first date counts for this)
That way, you cause less discomfort for your partner, but this does have the disadvantage of your wasted time and effort in pursuing them if they do test positive.
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Otherwise after 2 or 3 dates, explain your situation calmly in a similar manner to how you have here.

Something like, "There's something that I need to tell you before continuing with what could possibly be a long-term relationship: I'm terrified of STDs, So I would appreciate it if you would get yourself tested before I put any more effort into this relationship. I'm willing to be tested too so that you can also know that I'm clean."
Feel free to write it down and improve on it if you can think of an even less harsh way to break the news.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Thanks for the advice. I've thought this over a lot and I've decided to ask them to test with me right when the subject of sex is brought up, not on the first date (Even if sex is asked on the first date).
  
  I never have sex on the first date because personally for me, I want to get to know someone better first. I treat it as a really personal thing.
  
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  - Its_Called_Love
    
    12 years ago
    
    What I do, which I think also might be a good idea for you is if the topic of sex comes up on a date, just say you don't have sex with anyone before testing for STIs. That way you are putting it out there, and you aren't forcing them to a clinic. Just make them aware.
    
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    - Leviathanel
      
      11 years ago
      
      good advice. make sure they know that your asking because you have a phobia, i don't know why anyone would get offended. how are you asking?
      
      "hey are those open sores on your face infectious? let's not have sex untill you get tested."
      
      eh.. guys are sensitive we don't like to be critized, critize your own fear instead of making it look like they may be diseased.
      
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webjock

9 years ago

Gotta protect yourself somehow, even if you have to know the cold, hard Truth; that's the way I see it.

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Lynxikat

12 years ago

Personally, I would be offended if someone on the first date asked me to get tested for an STD.

Wait till you get to know them more, and if you're really positive you want to take the next step in your relationship and be physically intimate with them.

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- Leviathanel
  
  11 years ago
  
  why would you be offended? it's not like they're saying "you look like the type that would likely be infected" anybody could be infected even teeny tiny babies.
  
  maybe it's a good question to ask on a first date to make sure you wont get a significant other with a short fuse and a tendancy to over-react... oh god i wish i were gay.
  
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  - Lynxikat
    
    11 years ago
    
    I would be offended because it's like they're saying I'm a slut, and I'm the type of slut that doesn't use protection; THAT'S why I would be offended. Asking your partner to be tested for an STD is a question to ask once your relationship gets to the next level, when you've actually talked to your partner about having sex. Asking someone to get an STD test on the first date is basically saying, "Hey, you look like someone's who's had a lot of unprotected sex lately".
    
    And look, I've never dated anyone in my life, but even I know that you don't ask on the very first date to get a STD test, because you have no idea whether or not you're going to go steady with that person. Hell, you might even offend them because the person you asked to get an STD on the very first date might be a virgin, and you're basically saying, on the very first date, that they look like someone who might have had a lot of unprotected sex, even though they're a virgin.
    
    By the way, gays can get STDs, too. And no matter what someone's gender or sexual orientation is, they would still probably react similarly to being asked on the very first date to get a STD test.
    
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ready2rumble

12 years ago

I understand your concerns and believe me, a lot of people goes through the same, but I think asking every date an STD test is extreme. I think it would be easier to use condoms even though it's not 100% safe.

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Brickinit

12 years ago

Fucking crackers you sweetheart, first date getting a swab rammed down ya japs eye! Not likely... Good luck though yeah :) meepmeep!

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Is it normal to ask someone to test for std's with you during a first date?