Is it normal to ask my parents to help me break up with possessive boyfriend

79% Normal
9 Comments

I've been dating a guy who has slowly gained control over my whole life. I'm done. He is possessive and needs to know where I am, what I'm doing and who I'm talking to every second of every day. I've tried breaking up with him before, but he turned into this shell of a man. Crying, self harm, not eating, he promised change and trust and I gave in after a few days. Nothing changed, I'm still miserable and I know this needs to end. I get panic attacks thinking of how I should break up with him, gently but firmly. My parents are cool, really cool. They understand, what about asking my parents to force a break up? I'm desperate

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 38 votes (30 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • la_uva_mojada
    9 years ago

    Yes, tell your parents and have them help you.. but DO NOT change your mind and go back to him after your parents help you!!

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    I think it's really important for your mental well being that you do this for yourself.
    He sounds like a really childish individual and you need not be concerned with his well being after you break up with him. His actions are his own, not of your making, so you have no responsibility for them.
    Protect yourself first, in this situation. Just tell him you can't be with him any more and then stay as far away from him as you can. No discussion, crying sessions, phone calls, texting; NO CONTACT at all, period. It is cruel to stay in touch, because he will always hope for a reconciliation, which you obviously do not need.
    Be strong and tell him good bye, and mean it. You won't get him to change, I assure you, so make the break for real.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Don't have your parents do it, but you should do it yourself. This guy sounds manipulative and is using self pity to make you feel sorry for him. It's actually really pathetic. If you're that concerned you should have him commited to a psych ward and tell them he is suicidal. I had a roommate once who I kicked out for stealing and he tried pulling that shit on me with the suicide threats and I had his ass sent to the looney bin. I knew someone else who actually went through with suicide and he did not make any threats or seek attention, he just did it without warning.

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    • cupcake_wants
      9 years ago

      if she wants her parents to help her, it might be a good idea bcuz otherwise he might manipulate her or even hurt her. Plus if she goes missing or something in the future the parents will have a better idea where to start looking for her body

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        Makes sense.

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  • Short4Words
    9 years ago

    I'm sorry that sounds like a complicated situation. I'll do what little I can to help this get approved but you are doing the right thing by being cautious with him. I don't really have any other advice of my own but maybe someone else can help you out. It's not an easy thing to do.

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  • Freedom_
    9 years ago

    You need to punish him.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    He sounds like a sociopath, which I hear self harming and similar behavior is something sociopaths do to keep control of their partners, to punish them for behaviors. Ofcourse, it's not exclusive to sociopaths, but his controlling behavior somewhat suggests it.

    Anyway. Just leave him. You have him his second chance, he didn't change, now you move on. He self harms and cries? So? You are not obligated to be in his life if you do not wish to be.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    No way. You got yourself into that mess, you have to be strong and get yourself out. It is totally ok to rely on their support afterwards and use them to make sure you don't give in to that guy again, but I think asking your parents to do it for you is a bad idea. Are you talking about, like, having your dad call your bf and say "hey, you and my daughter are not allowed to date any more"? That is bad. While it seems like the easier option for you, your boyfriends depraved madness will then involve your parents, and I think he will seek you out in person to seek some closure.

    Don't use your parents to do it for you. It makes them targets and it doesn't give the guy the exact closure he should get. I think he needs to know that you are breaking up with him because of reason 1,2,3,etc and then you leave. Get the deed done and be done with him.

    Be wary of the emotional blackmail. He has done it before and will likely do it again to make you feel guilty for leaving him, so just know that what he does after you break up with him are his choices. That's where your parents can help you...they can help you stay strong and resist the manipulation he tries.

    Personally, my dad wouldn't break up my relationship, he would break the guy's neck.

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