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New bf feels uncomfortable when I ask him to talk dirty to me. Surely it's okay to ask him to do this? I like to get verbal during the act - ask him to tell me what he wants to do or wants me to do. He gets weirded out which is a turn off for me. Is it not normal?!?!
| Only sometimes | 11 | |
| No never - it's offensive | 5 | |
| It depends on... | 21 | |
| All the time - talk filth | 20 |
Well it's great for you but obviously it makes him uncomfortable. I know that's not your intention but if you keep pressuring him he'll never want to do it. Make a compromise, say if you do this for me then I'll do something that you like. And start slow. I think if you ease him into it will become more "normal" and he'll start to enjoy himself. It sounds like he's just a little scared of something he doesn't know anything about. :)
You certainly make some valid points here. I am keen to try your compromise plan - but where do I start? With one word? A sentence? Picking one day of the week? Maybe 'anything goes Tuesday'? I don't want to apply pressure at all however the fact he seems to believe the idea is 'abnormal' is baffling. It's really starting to worry me.
That's a good question... How would I do this? Umm...ok I guess I would start with a quick conversion. Keep it brief. Men tend not hear anything past a couple minutes. I'm not even being sarcastic men are not born communicators like women are. I would just say this is something I really enjoy and I would like to explore it more,is there anything you want to explore? Ask him to think about it for a bit, don't put him on the spot. When he comes back with something, most importantly, don't laugh, but do it. Try to make him comfortable. I think just getting him outside of his comfort zone will make him more susceptible to want to try the dirty talk again. Show him that there's nothing wrong with experimenting a little. That it's healthy in the right environment. You just have to show him how good it can be.
And everybody has had different experiences with sex. I would venture to say that his haven't been as open as yours. Nothing wrong with that. Don't be worried. If you care about him just be patient and try not to get frustrated with him.
It took me many years to fully embrace my sexuality and I think everybody moves at their own pace. Don't give up. He'll come around. Come. Hehe.
You clever girl! Took your advice asked him the question 'is there anything you would like to try?' Apparently so... he seems to have a couple of kinks I can work on. I don't think I'll get my dirty talk for a while but I did receive a dirty text and it's going to be a hell of a lot of fun in the meantime lol. Thanks again for the clarity!
I'd love to meet a woman like you!
I love dirty, disgusting talk during sex. It adds to the excitement.
Agree totally. We've only been together for a short while but I am very fearful of heading down the road of 'library sex' ssshhhh! Lol
makes me feel like im some sleazy greaseball in a shitty porno movie
also breaks my concentration
Yup my guy seems to think any dirty talk makes him a deviant. As for breaking concentration - seriously?! We're supposed to be having fun exploring our sexuality not diffusing land mines
'yall wants dirty talk? yall shoulda seen what a fuckin mess that coal pile made'
im glad yalls life is so fuckin free & easy but mine aint i guess cause i wants my woman to have a good time and that shits work too despite what breezy fantasies yall gots
Thanks making the effort :) I do so love my 'fuckin free and easy life' aww drats now I've just spilled my piña colada everywhere and these leather limo seats are a bitch to clean - pull over James right beside that coal pile!
I think is very important to verbalize during sex...how the hell would you partner know what you like or dislike otherwise?
Saying things like "fuck me harder" or "fuck me faster" or "turn me around and fuck me from behind" are things that I find very sexy...the more verbal my woman becomes the more I want to pleasure her!
Lick my clit now you useless fucker is something that gets me harder than a rock and hornier than a jack rabbit!
Suck my dick bitch and pull my scrotum whilst you down there is another of my favourites!
It sounds like you both may have better sexual matches out there. It's great to love to talk dirty, but if he doesn't like it then that's okay for him and maybe you two should find other people if this is a deal breaker? If it's not a deal breaker, then great too.
Not so silly after all eh? :) I think you may be spot on. While the sex is good (and it's only early days) I don't sense he's the kind of guy who's on a journey of sexual exploration. I separated with my ex last year (relocated with work) so we parted as good friends. He reminded me not to give up even he required some 'extended training' in the early days lol. Only time will tell if it's a deal breaker I guess.
People have all different ways of viewing sex and stuff so hes probly just feeling like thats not how he wants to experience it. I had guys that wanted me to say certain things and it made me feel like they were just using me as a prop in there fantasy and the intimacy wasn't even about me or really even intimate as I end up just shutting down and letting them do what they want until they finish and then I just bury my face in a pillow so they won't know I'm crying. Thats probly no help and I'm sorry for that but maybe you can see another side of this. I think its ok you ask and I think its ok hes not into it what you do about it is really the question I hope you figure it out so you canboth be happy.
Thanks so much for sharing your views. (As a female I am really saddened to hear your experience was so emotionally hurtful and disconnecting). You are right though - we do need to figure out what works for us. If only he would communicate on the subject instead of making me feel weird for asking.
I think anything 2 people want together is ok I don't judge anyone on that tho sometimes I wonder what makes them want it usually like the flogging or real rough stuff. I am so bad at relationships you should never ever listen if it sounds like I'm giving advice becos for sure it will kill whatever you have I'm toxic like that. But maybe if you can talk about it outside the bedroom and tell him why you want it and how it would make you feel hopefully theres something really positive about it and you can make that the point. I don't think a trade system would work where you do this for me I do that for you cos then you have to keep score and I think keeping score is a bad road to go down.
If I can ask what do you want him to say or express? Maybe I can think of a way to put it that will put him at ease. I'm thinking he probably puts you in a special place in his heart and that what you want isn't compatible with that.