Is it normal to apologize just to make up?

64% Normal

So my bf and I had a long argument the other day and we haven't talked since then. I'm not a fan of "not talking to your bf/gf for a week or more" when you fight. What's the point of being in a relationship if you guys aren't talking? But I've learned to give him space so thats what I've been doing. It's been like 3 days only and thats enough for me. It's time to suck it up, make up and move on. The only problem is I'm not sorry about what we fought about. If anything we're both in the wrong and in the right. So I just wanna forgive him so I can have a peace of mind and we can move forward. Plus, I think this fight and make up will make us stronger. I don't know how to apologize or forgive him without actually saying it. How can I make-up with him without saying sorry?

Serious answers only please. I want to get this over with.

Voting Results

64% Normal

Based on 11 votes (7 yes)

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Comments ( 12 )

CountessDouche

9 years ago

There's nothing wrong with a little time apart after an argument, IMO. It's a lot better than saying a bunch of destructive and hurtful things to one another just because you're angry.

Unless one of you is being a total cunt, most arguments involve wrongs from both people...and a failure to understand where the other person is coming from.

Use your time apart to think things over; figure out exactly why you were hurt and upset, and, most importantly, look at things from HIS perspective. When you're ready to communicate how you feel (without blowing up) and LISTEN to his side of the story (without blowing up), then you're ready to talk things over calmly and resolve your shit. Until then, just let it be.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Well the reason why I'm ready to move on is because I do see things from HIS perspective. I get where he was coming from and I feel bad but that doesn't mean he was right and I was wrong. Like in my post, I think we're both even. So I'm ready to get it over with. Is he? He probably is but he's not going to bother contacting me especially when he thinks he's right. He's expecting me to say sorry. Well I can be the bigger person and make-up but I definitely don't want to give him the idea that he was right and it's okay.
  
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  - CountessDouche
    
    9 years ago
    
    It's not a matter of winning, nor is it about who's right and who's wrong. If you'd rather be in the right than listen, then you still aren't approaching things in a constructive way.
    
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TrustMeImLying

9 years ago

There are two ways to go about this

One is you just strike up a casual conversation and forget about who was right or wrong. I can't speak on behalf of all guys since I don't behave like a typical guy in everything. But this is most likely to work as males generally don't hold grudges. So if you were to forget about the argument and just approach him casually and break the ice, given that it's been 3 days for tempers to cool, he should follow suit and move on. The part where you say he's expecting you to say sorry, is that based on your past experiences or you're guessing that's what he wants? .

Your only other option is consider the big picture and apologize. I don't get people who are so reluctant to apologize when they're right. It's as if doing so will immediately label them as a doormat and they never again have any assertion on anything. Admitting and accepting undeserving fault only hurts a poorly formed ego, not authority, value or anything like that. Why should you take the initiative and not him? Because we can be big babies sometimes.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Thanks for this !
  The strategy I was gonna go for was like your first option because you basically answered one of my most desired questions; how do guys fucken work!? And I wanna say he is pretty typical as in he doesn't hold grudges and just wants to be stress free which is probably also why he's not talking to me. Not saying I give him stress but in terms of our argument.
  Yeah I think he's expecting me to say sorry based on both. He's always been stubborn and confident that he knows he's right.
  I already feel like the big person trying to be the one to contact first. But I def don't want to apologize when my side of the argument is reasonable. Unfortunately not everyone is like you and I don't think he's going to see my apology as the way you see it. He's gonna be like "see we could've avoided all of this if u went my way." Ugh so I was planning to just contact him in a casual way but not like nothing ever happened. Maybe send him a meme or something that explains how I feel but not too serious.
  
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  - TrustMeImLying
    
    9 years ago
    
    I lol'd at "see we could've avoided all of this if u went my way." Douchey. That ought to grind anyone's gears. I will definitely use that the next time someone unwillingly apologizes to me. He he
    
    The meme sounds like a good plan. In the end only you know him better than anyone else.
    
    If all else fails, text him that the only way to settle who's right is a wrestling match. Loser puts out.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      So you think he'll be happy to hear from me first since he didn't have the balls to do it first so secretly, he's hoping I make the first move? Plus, if I send him something casual/funny, he'll be even happier.
      
      What do you think? I don't want to say he's your average douchebag but I'm afraid, he has some characteristics of a douchbag. So with that being said, what I described above, is most likely to be true right?
      
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      - TrustMeImLying
        
        9 years ago
        
        I think you're overanalyzing now. I'm also beginning to wonder if the argument was over something trivial or important. Important meaning is it likely to come up again and so needs a resolution or is it something negligible/silly.
        
        There is no black/white answer here. It's all a judgement call because everyone's tastes are different. A casual text has always worked on me. If nothing, the least a nonchalant text will do is test the water.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        It was basically about showing each other how much we mean to one another instead of just saying it. But maybe you can answer this...everyone expresses love in a different way and I'm guessing that most guys express it more verbally? And it doesn't mean that he doesn't mean it if his actions aren't proving his words. Actions don't always speak louder than words. So I guess his way of expressing how much I mean to him is by giving me words of affirmation. Every time I give him shit for not proving himself he looks innocently confused like "what else do I have to do to prove to you I care about you and like you?"
        That's also why I think just sending him a meme or casual message is enough for him to feel relieved and ready to move on. If he sent me a meme, knowing him, that would prob make me feel better cause thats his way of making up without getting all emotional.
        
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Fall_leaves

9 years ago

I would hold off on speaking, let it blow over before you make your next move. You might be ready to move forward and put the argument to rest but that doesn't mean he is. Be patient and when he's ready to talk, talk about the argument and find a resolution.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I think he is but he's not going to contact me first because he thinks he's right so he's expecting me to say sorry to him. I do see things from his perspective which is why I want to move on but I don't want him to think that he was right all along when both sides were understanable.
  
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RoseIsabella

9 years ago

It depends on what you're fighting about.

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Is it normal to apologize just to make up?