Iin, this hopefully is not normal

23% Normal
9 Comments

my wife and I were married 34 years ago, this year she started looking for a place to move to. Earlier she wanted me to go with her. Then she found a place and decided she had to be in her own place alone. She needs her space. So instead of building on our farm, she's renting another 40 acre farm. She's 56 and just had her depression meds changed when this all started. She's taken everything of hers out of the house and won't come in unless I answer the door for her. Two things: is this suppose to be normal and Is it not normal for me to still love her? Cuz I do. Maybe I'm not what she wants anymore...

Voting Results
23% Normal
Based on 47 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • myboyfriendsbitch
    11 years ago

    Hey :)

    I just came across this and it made me think of your situation. This paragraph kind of goes with what i was saying.

    2. If you love her, let her grow. Most people develop and change as they get older —but according to Bizzoco, this often comes as a surprise to a spouse. “Often we get so wrapped up in the relationship and think we know someone so well that we don’t allow them the freedom to be anything more than the person they were when we met them,” Bizzoco says. But embracing these changes can be extremely beneficial to a relationship. So if your husband wants to take up golf or your wife wants to return to school for another degree, encourage them to follow these interests (your spouse will appreciate the support).

    Here's the website if you want to read more:
    http://m.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/1011/six-things-a-marriage-counselor-would-tell-you

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    • JustDave
      11 years ago

      WTF is a Bizzoco?

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      • myboyfriendsbitch
        11 years ago

        Some dude i guess.

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        • JustDave
          11 years ago

          Well that changes everything.

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  • myboyfriendsbitch
    11 years ago

    I don't think it's so weird that she wants a place of her own. She probably just needs to find herself, her identity, something she may not be able to do at your current home where she is constantly burdened by demands, routine, and the pressure to fit a narrow role that suits you and the rest of her family.

    Since she is taking depression meds, I am guessing she just doesn't feel completely satisfied with her life right now. Maybe she just needs things to go her way and her way only for a change.

    Don't fight her decisions as that will only make things worse. Support her in whatever she thinks is right and giving her freedom and respect of her choices will make her love you forever, which I'm sure she already does.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    yep i do think your right or she got burnt out

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  • Jeaneathean
    11 years ago

    No advice from me, sir, but I wish you all the very best. I hope there is a good and happy solution for you both.

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  • pambambam
    11 years ago

    how sad! sounds like menopause to me. :/ she obviously lost interest.

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  • Moonbow
    11 years ago

    It's normal for women that age to realize that things aren't going to change and so they make the change. Obviously, though unknown to you (it's always "unknown" to men), your wife wasn't happy with you or the life the two of you were leading together. If she had been, she wouldn't have made the change.

    Yes, it's normal for you to still love her because she's always been there and you don't know what to do without her. However, you're going to have to learn because if she's actually rented a farm, she has no intention of returning.

    Additionally, I don't think those "depression meds" had anything to do with her decision. More than likely, it's menopause and the fact she isn't taking hormone replacement drugs (i.e., Premarin). It's very difficult for women who choose not to take HRT to carry on with a relationship the same as it was before. Had she been on HRT, there's a possibility she wouldn't have left. But that's something else "unknown" to men.

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