Is it normal that these guys are "teasing" me or whatever you call it?

69% Normal
5 Comments

This is a bit long, so, if you can't read it, please, don't even bother answering.

The thing is, I'm a very ambivalent person, so instead of reacting to things as soon as they happen, I start thinking about the whys of it, so that my position with respect to the issue is not always clear to others.

And well, I have been going to this store, and the guys working there are kind of teasing me. I didn't mind having the younger one (in his early 20s) being flirty and all. But the thing is, this Punjabi boy and the others seem to be relatives AND come from a very conservative, macho male-oriented culture, so unlike a Westerner, they might take any passive reaction as a "sluttish" invitation they could take advantage of. I'm not 100% sure; I don't know them that well.

What I do know is that I didn't have any problems with them nor heard anything weird from them until one day the guy my age (in his mid twenties) got all mad and jealous when another customer was trying to flirt with me. (Perhaps, out of jealousy he has badmouthed me?) After that, I have had the younger one (who I had not seen before) always trying to flirt with me, but by his subtle attitudes, I could notice he doesn't take me seriously. But I didn't mind it as even though he has taken many liberties with me, I think he is just an immature boy who is harmless and his advances have never gone beyond verbalization. Sometimes I have even smiled/laughed at his attempts to act all macho with me.

The problem comes when the older man (who may be their father or uncle) enters into the picture. I have no idea what's up with him. He has sometimes approached us and talked to them about how serious I am and how I rarely smile. After this, the guys acted a bit more serious.

But, as I keep smiling (seldom, when I am in a good mood) at the younger guy's attempts to flirt with me, I have seen some changes in the older man's attitudes. I think he is like trying to see what chances HE himself has with me so he seems to be "testing the waters" or something like that. Now he doesn't simply limit himself to observe how I interact with the guys. He comes and asks me repetitive questions (why I'm so serious and quiet; why I do not smile; why I do just go there, buy and leave) and the other day he extended his hand to me while saying hi (the younger guy had extended his palm to me before, which I ignored and even got mad at)!!

The main problem is that, despite the jealousy impasse, I kinda like the guy my age. He has never been disrespectful to me and whenever he looks at me, there's a spark in his eyes. But, before the older man started commenting about how serious I am and and how I don't smile, he tried to hide those things in front of him. And I know that in Indian culture, the parents' approval is extremely important for making decisions. So, how could I ever have anything to do with him when the father/uncle is acting ambivalent towards me?? What could I say so he can stop asking me so intrusive questions that have nothing to do with a customer? I want everything to be as it used to, when I had no problems with any of them.

NOTE: This might be irrelevant, but for those who assume it, no, I'm not white. I could easily pass for an Indian woman and no, I'm no ugly by any means. I have plenty of guys hitting on me.

Voting Results
69% Normal
Based on 32 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • MissyLeyneous
    11 years ago

    Hm. You'd be better off asking someone who's culture matches the men's/boy's culture. Then they could explain it to you. Find a woman of that culture, and get her opinion. You might have to do some asking around, so until then, you might want to avoid the store. Maybe send someone else there in your place?

    I'm of western culture, and if I we're in your place (or if it was my country) I would cuss the older man out ant tell him to stop being such a creep! But, that probably wouldn't work for you, since you like the young guy. However, you don't even know if the older man IS or ISN'T actually family with the young man or not. You might need to find that out first.

    Or you could make things much simpler. You could just give up on the young man and stop going to that store anymore and never go back. If I have problems with any store in my country that doesn't give me fair and good service, I give them a piece of my mind, inform them that they have lost my business, and I never go back.

    That's the best I can do for you. Find a woman of the guy's culture to help you with the rest.

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  • Wyomingite
    10 years ago

    I say the young guy is the same as any other guy - if you're interested, investigate! Flirt back, smile at him more, etc. If it turns out you two aren't compatible after all - because of his family, beliefs, or anything else - simply walk away.
    Stay away from the older dude. He sounds creepy, and even if he means well, it's better to be safe than sorry. Also, your instincts are usually right, so if you think he's interested in you you're probably on the ball.
    Also, I have had similar experiences with Latino gentlemen. Certain cultures have different age considerations for romance, so I have been hit on by forty-year-olds. It does happen. I have also often found that my feminism does not mesh well with common Latin-American machismo, even when I'm with dudes my own age. Not a judgment, just an observation.
    Good luck.

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  • fullhouse
    11 years ago

    I am an Indian and my gf is Punjabi..
    I seriously doubt the father is hitting on you..Indian parents usually try to talk to youngstes to figure them out..may be he knows his son is interested in you so he is checking if your "good girl" according to him.
    In my culture Parents consent is very important..

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      That's what I thought at some point, so I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. But I don't think so anymore. The guy my age used to try to conceal his excitement when the older man was around. How would the older man even notice he liked me? And the other one is too daring, and I would even think his behavior is inappropriate by Indian standards, isn't it? Why would the older man think he's interested in a girl whom he treats like that? Now I think they all were messing with me and are disrespectful people, so I'll teach them a lesson or two.

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  • emilydoll
    11 years ago

    If someone is making you feel
    Uncomfortable avoid them or tell them upfront... I can see myself in that position hmmm

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