Is it normal that our best friend is doing this?! (long post, sorry)

11% Normal
9 Comments

My boyfriend and I have many mutual best friends, but this one (let's call him Timmy) was always one of our favourites to spend time with. Our time with Timmy was always very enjoyable. Him and my boyfriend would go out and drink and my boyfriend would buy him drinks at the bar when Timmy didn't have a job, because he was just one of those genuine people you wanted to do nice things for. He attended all of my birthday parties, was always there when I needed to talk and constantly provided positive and humorous light on various situations (and vice versa, we were VERY good friends to Timmy).

The last time we saw Timmy we went out. When my boyfriend and I dropped Timmy off we were literally laughing at a joke he made and the whole night itself was super fun! There was no drama (there was actually never drama with Timmy around), we all goofed off with each other and it was quite apparent that everyone enjoyed themselves. I told him we were going to the museum the next day and I'd text him to see if he wanted to go.

Saturday morning rolls around and I text Timmy and received no answer, which was fine, because we had been out late the night before and I figured he was sleeping. My boyfriend and I decided to wait until 3 in the afternoon before we went and still received no reply from Timmy, so we went alone. I expected a phone call or some sort of response from Timmy by the end of the day and got no such thing. I went to his house on Sunday to invite him out for a walk, his mother answered the door and told me wasn't home. Once again, that was fine!

My boyfriend and I periodically tried to contact Timmy to see if he wanted to hang out, he never got back to us. Once he got a job, we tried every week on his day off (Sunday) to contact him to hang out, not once did he ever reply. We came up with the notion that maybe he broke his cell phone, so we called his house. His mother picked-up and acted a little weird and when we finally convinced her to bring the phone down to him, he told her he was playing video games and he would call us back. We waited for about an hour for him to return the call and he didn't. So, we went to his house. We knocked on his door and no one answered, however when we looked inside we could see Timmy at the bottom of the stairs talking to his mother. He looked directly at us both RIGHT in the eye and walked out of the room.

After that ordeal we decided to just leave him alone. Then, on New Years since we knew he had the day off we decided it would be fun to invite him to a party I was having! We went to his house, down to his room (where he was sleeping) and tried to stir him from his sleep. He didn't respond to us, but my boyfriend pointed out that he was smiling as we were nudging him. We finally got him to say something to us, but all it was, was, "go away."

This behavior isn't normal, is it? When I dropped him off the last time he was happy and laughing and we were all having a good time. Now, he won't even talk to us...wtf?

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11% Normal
Based on 27 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Freedom_
    9 years ago

    It sounds like something is wrong. Maybe he's going through something that has nothing to do with you that he's not ready to talk about. Keep at a distance but let him know you care and you're thinking about him every once in a while without pushing him. Maybe he'll come around eventually. Have you tried asking his mom about it?

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    • Spankz
      9 years ago

      We haven't been pushing him as of late. We've distanced ourselves, but not too much as we're both hoping he will come around. We have talked to his mom, but she never mentions anything. We've asked what's wrong and she just tells us that he's tired from working night shifts and sleeps a lot. Understandable, but he could at least take 2 seconds when he's awake to fire us off a text. When my boyfriend contacts him on Facebook it always shows him as reading the message, but he never replies. It's just very odd behavior.

      His mother's boyfriend did recently get kicked out, but Timmy always hated him so we don't think it has anything to do with that.

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      • Freedom_
        9 years ago

        Hmm. Maybe Timmy is upset about whatever his mom's boyfriend did to get himself kicked out. If it was really bad that would explain why neither of them want to talk about it. How long has he been avoiding you guys?

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        • Spankz
          9 years ago

          Well, he got kicked out because he was basically a piece of shit. Went to work, came home, ignored the family and just did whatever he wanted. The reason he got the boot was because Timmy's mother got a teaching job and no longer needed his income to support the household. She was tired of dealing with all the grief, so she just eliminated the problem.

          I would say it has been since mid-September 2014 that he hasn't talked to us.

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          • Freedom_
            9 years ago

            That is a pretty long time. I would back off at that point and let him make the next move if he's willing. That situation would drive me crazy too, not knowing what the hell happened to the friendship but it sounds like he just wants space. I might write a well worded letter asking for some peace of mind or an explanation and letting him know what the friendship meant to me. By the looks of it he wouldn't respond, but it will give you a bit of closure and establish what terms you're on now.

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  • Ipooprainbows
    9 years ago

    This is very sad and confusing I bet.
    I feel for you as I was in a similar situation many years ago. One my close friends who meant the world to me randomly stopped talking to me. She ignored my txts and when I went to visit her and her dad , she didnt even say hi.
    I was so confused a nd distraught about it all and I ended up leaving her alone.
    Turns out she was jealous of the friendship I had with her dad and 4 months later she rang :) We never spoke about why but I knew through people that told me this . When I confronted her about it she lied and gave me an explanation that didnt make sense but I knew the truth. It just goes to show that sometimes we think we know someone when we often dont know everything. There are many layers to someone and usually they will feign feelings to make eveything seem okay. So who knows what "Timy" is going through. Perhaps he is going through personal issues such as but not limited to; depression or anxiety or grief , jealousy etc. It could be to do with you/es then again it could not be. If I were u id at least write or leave a voice message asking if I have or we have zone something to upset you and that I would at least like an explanation to why u are avoiding us and we miss you. Hope this helps and good luck.

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    • Ipooprainbows
      9 years ago

      *done not zone lol

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    • Spankz
      9 years ago

      We've tried every possible way to contact him and to no avail :( We've just given up on this point. We have done our part and now it's his choice to come around or not.

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      • Ipooprainbows
        9 years ago

        Im so sorry, I wish I could help more but all u can do is contact him in all ways such az ring, fb message, txt and write a letter and put it in his letter box. Then its upto him when he wants to get in touch , if he doesnt then he never was a decent mate because anyone who cared the slightest would make a courtesy call to explain why

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