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My mother died when I was 12 years old. I was very close with my father until age 14 when he married an evil woman and then they both became abusive to me.I do my best to treat others like I want to be treated, but no one has ever loved me or stayed...that includes family and friends. I feel unlovable and disposable.
I'm sorry. I feel the same way, but for different reasons. I think it helps at have a lot of friends. Also, I think it helps to have an internal resourceful attitude. Why don't you go to YouTube.com and search for things like how to make friends, or how live alone. Stuff like that. Please be gentle to your own heart. It helps to help other people like yourself.
Life is rough, man. My dad was abusive and my mom has dementia. I know she loves me, but she can't do much to show it, and I've had to introduce myself to her multiple times. Then there's this shallow culture we're all trying to get along in. We all have access to so many people in so many ways, and it does make it easy for us to simply dispose of each other.
Tinder for example, swipe swipe swipe, and every time you swipe you're permanently saying "maybe" or "no" to every other single person in your area. I've never personally used Tinder but that seems pretty fucky to me. The potential love of your life took a bad photo so you swiped left and never met. It turns out you have great chemistry, you're both interested in all the same things and have the same values. If you had met at a dinner party through a friend you might be married by now.
Friends from work, has anyone else fallen into this? I fall into it constantly. A couple of the friends I've made at work are real, lifelong friends but most of them are just trying to suck more work out of you, and the minute you switch jobs, they're gone and you never hear from them again. I'm currently putting most of my social efforts into meeting friends outside of work because work-friends are so pernicious. I don't want to feel tied to a bad job forever because leaving would upheave my social life.
I think these days, it's normal to feel disposable, but that doesn't make it any less fucky and that doesn't mean you can't find ways around it. For example, I moved my ass to a rural community where people actually give a fuck about each other and I know my neighbors' names. A lot of my neighbors are weirdos, but I'm a weirdo too and we're all stuck in here together. :) That's kind of just how humans are, messy and weird once you take off the Instagram filters.