Is it normal that my wife refuses to work?

35% Normal
11 Comments

I recently got married to a divorced woman who comes from a good family. Both parents are medical doctors who do well for themselves. Her parents each divorced when she was young and got remarried.

My wife is pretty and smart and enjoys bringing up the fact that she has an undergrad degree in biology and an MBA. However, she hasn't worked the entire time we dated up until the point at which we got married last month.

We're both 40 and she does not have kids, so she cannot use children as an excuse for not working. I've told her a number of times throughout our relationship how important it is that she be working, which she has acknowledged, but nothing has changed.

She's also materialistic to a certain extent and it just astounds me that she doesn't work as I think she'll eventually run out of money. When we first started dating, I thought that maybe her parents had given her a trust fund and that was why she wasn't working, but that isn't the case.

I have told her that I was ok with her not working if we were able to have a child, so that she could stay home and raise the child. However, I have also told her a number of times that she should be working up until that point.

FYI - she owns her own condo outright (she got it from her ex-husband in her divorce) and also had around $400k in liquid assets as of a year ago. I have a mortgage on my condo, although I have more in liquid assets. We currently live separately until I can sell my condo and buy a bigger one in which we can both live. We only live one block from each other in a big city, so it is easy to stop by to see each other. She hasn't cooked for me and has not done any housework for me. I'm not supporting her lifestyle right now, although I suspect I will have to at some point in the near future after we move in together in a new place.

It also embarrasses me to a certain extent because my family members and a number of friends periodically ask what she does for a living, how her job search is going, and what she does all day if she isn't working. Unfortunately, I don't have a good answer to those questions as she essentially lounges around watching TV all day.

I'm at my wits end and am unhappy about this. I cannot imagine what it would take to actually motivate her to work. Her parents have had successful careers, so I don't understand her attitude toward work. Every time I bring this up, she gets defensive and feels hurt.

Is it normal that my wife refuses to work?

Voting Results
35% Normal
Based on 23 votes (8 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 11 )
  • mysistersshadow
    7 years ago

    This was a problem to work out before you got married not much you can do now.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
  • The sailor is dead
    7 years ago

    You made a poor decision marrying this woman. Get out now before she takes you for half your assets just like her ex !! Theres a reason she isnt working, she knows she can just take from men until the day she dies !

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Steve_5
      7 years ago

      I wrote the post. Just an FYI, she stands to inherit quite a bit of money from her parents, particularly on her father's side. I would be surprised if she inherits less than $5-10 million. Of course, it could be 20 years before than happens.

      If I didn't have that knowledge in the back of my head, I probably would not have cut her so much slack.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • The sailor is dead
        7 years ago

        The money (which by the way you can never prove she will get until you see it yourself in a bank account) should not matter. What matters is what kind of woman you marry.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        2
        2
      • Ass_gas
        7 years ago

        Bad move, Steve-o. She has always been a kept woman and it appears that you are not shallow enough to enjoy having a sexual princess that watches TV.

        Better talk to a lawyer about how to start hiding assets.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
          -
        • Ass_gas
          7 years ago

          As I consider your predicament in more detail, I think it would be best to file for an annulment right away. An asexual like you should be renting women, not owning one. Rent a cleaning lady for $9/hr; frozen food in the oven is cheap and good; reasonable prostitutes are a mere $100 a trick. If she doesn't have an attractive face, just bend her over the kitchen counter.

          Take heart man, it's not rocket science.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          1
          1
  • Ellenna
    7 years ago

    Unless you live in a huge mansion which creates enough housework to keep her busy all day, she does sound somewhat lazy.

    Who does the cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry and so on? If she's doing all that with no help from you, she's not "watching TV all day", she is in fact working for some of the day, just not in paid employment.

    Does your insistence on her working outside the home include an offer to take your fair share of the housework? Surely these were issues which would've been better resolved BEFORE marriage?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Leonard_Hatred
      7 years ago

      The OP says,"She hasn't cooked for me and has not done any housework for me."

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      -1
      -1
        -
      • Ellenna
        7 years ago

        Sorry I missed that bit, read it too early. Sounds as if he hoped she'd change with marriage, but when did that ever work?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
  • IMissMary
    7 years ago

    So no flags have gone up...obviously you are blinded and pussy whipped into stupidity ie love.

    Go ahead and sell your condo, make sure she knows the exact amount of your liquid assets and in about a year or two she can divorce you and get your for alimony, siting that YOU provided a lifestyle for HER that YOU must maintain.

    She seems to selfish for have kids [don't want to share the wealth].

    On second thought reading from your other posts it seems that both of you are money grubbing so perhaps you make a perfect match. No doubt you will both be each others undoing.

    Enjoy!!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Jujudog
    7 years ago

    Does she have nice boobs?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0