Is it normal that my mom takes my sister's side?

8 Comments

When I started working I took my parent's car to work. This was like 5 years ago. I started paying for insurance and maintenance (annual service, etc) of it. I used it for 2 or 3 years.
Then I got a job I could walk to, but still kept paying those just to keep the car "usable" and use it on weekends. After a while my sister started using the car to go to college (she's studying art and has a lot of stuff to take there), I kept paying insurance and maintenance, and used it on weekends if I needed to.
Now I'm about to start a job I'd better drive to, and my sister asked me what we'll do about the car, if we could negociate an arrangement. I told her I don't know yet if I can go to this new job any other way, and that I'll know once I start. And that maybe I could find another way to get there when she has lots of stuff to take and we'll see.
She said she needed to know and that it is NOT FAIR that I'd assume I have priority just because I've been paying for it. My Mom just sat there and said nothing. I said that if anything it was fair that I had priority to choose, that I could be understanding about her having to take lots of stuff and we could try a solution, but I don't feel she should try to tell me it's unfair for me to want to use something I've been maintaining all these years now that it will really come in handy to me.
Am I being selfish?

The car isn't yours, it doesn't matter who maintains it. 1
You should have priority. 10
Why did you keep paying for it in the first place? 3
Sum up all the payments and tell them to pay you back. 2
They are right, it's not fair, you paid because you wanted to. 0
You should let her use it, but not because it's fair but just to help 2
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Comments ( 8 )
  • joker69676
    8 years ago

    Stop paying for the car, save up the money you were using to make payments, and buy yourself a car. done and done. you should be able to stop paying whenever you want to, since its not even yours and youre not really using it. they should be able to handle it just fine. if they cant, they better start asking YOU to use it. becuase NO ONE would be able to without you thatd mean, if no one else can pay to have it except for you. and you seem extremely nice and reasonable about this, which concerns me to a degree, because nice people get manipulated sometimes. make sure theyre being fair to you and if not, change something.

    Also, even if you quit paying and plan to get a car but need one for the time being, you should be able to use it and have first dibs since you invested so much money into that car. and because you seem to be the one most maturely handling the situation, the one that was trying to help everyone win instead of just saying its not fair and crying to mom. youre the one thats been paying and then someone else stepped in and wanted in on the use. And i guess if they want to be assholes, then let em. Leave early and walk, or call a cab or ask a friend whos going the same way or an understanding friend that you can return the favour for later. Continue to save your money, and rise above.
    Good luck :3

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Thanks so much for your kind words and thoughful advice.
      I have talked separately with my Mom and sister and things are more clear now.
      It would have been nicer to not have to explain myself to them, but they kind of apologized (not really, they explained their reasons and excuses... but, anyway... at least I think they understood.

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      • joker69676
        8 years ago

        No problem :) hope it works out for you. just reading your post infuriated me a little, imagining the situation.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    8 years ago

    I'd really like an opinion from RoseIsabella, if you read this, let her know :)

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  • Arm0se
    8 years ago

    As long as you live under your parents' roof you don't "own" anything.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Yes, you are totally right. That goes without saying. Even the car itself I didn't buy and of course I don't think I own it.
      But does that mean it's no fair for me to expect to have priority over something I've been paying for even when I didn't use it?
      I'm willing to share or work something out 'cause I really understand how tedious it can be for her to take all the stuff and everything. But I really don't feel it's ok for them to tell me it isn't FAIR to want to use it if i need it. It really hurts me that my Mom wont' see my point, and it really makes me not want to start thinking of alternatives to help.

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      • Arm0se
        8 years ago

        Okay, I was just waiting to see your reply to make sure you weren't a dick.

        If your paying for some of it and she isn't, you should get more time with it. If you don't get treated fairly stop paying for it all together.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          8 years ago

          Glad I passed the test :)

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