Is it normal that my husband won't let me go?does he want to be a polygamist?

32% Normal
6 Comments

My husband left me and moved to another state. He still wants to be a part of my life and my kids lives (they are not his kids, but he raised them from the time they were teens).

Instead of selling the house, and splitting any profit down the middle like every divorced couple does, he wants me to keep the house and pay him monthly payments until I have paid off his portion. He wants to come on frequent visits and help maintain the house.

It seems like he still wants to be married, but then I know he has a girlfriend where he lives, and doesn't seem to want to be sexual with me. (at least yet).

Is he trying to be a polygamist with many women in his life?

Voting Results
32% Normal
Based on 38 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • jeebley
    9 years ago

    You wrote "he wants" 4-5 times in the question, so what do you want? It seems like you're not really asserting your own needs very well.

    The financial arrangement; you paying off the house in installments seems like something that would end up on The People's Court or Judge Judy. It just sounds dodgy.
    Have you got some kind of contract drawn up?
    It seems like at some point he may decide "he wants" to sell the house (hence him maintaining it) and that may not be convenient for you. He may well think that half the house is his until you pay it off. So figure out what's actually going to happen and draw something up.

    If you're happy with him being in your and your children's lives, that's fine. If not, sever ties. I don't think he has any legal right to see them.

    So you're anticipating he'll try and re-initiate a sexual relationship at some point? I can't say if he will or not. Decide well in advance if that's what you want. Do you want a polygamous relationship? I strongly advise against it, but it's up to you.

    I just think for your sake you need to have clearer boundaries and a cleaner break so things aren't so messy.

    tl:dr, Probably. Forget what he wants, look after yourself.

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    Sell the house and pay him off, so he has no right to enter your home w/o permission. Start divorce proceedings YESTERDAY. Get this loser out of your life ASAP.
    If you don't then you deserve whatever shit comes your way, and I foresee a great deal. Protect yourself and your children first, and let him make a new life for himself, far from you.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    9 years ago

    The kids are 30 years old and never were his kids legally. They are not small children, so In this case most couples do sell the house.

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  • funkedup
    9 years ago

    Consult a lawyer.

    Most couples do not sell the house and split the profit. More often one partner keeps the house, especially if they have custody of children. You may be in a good position to keep the house and not pay him every month, which might explain his desire to keep visiting to "maintain" the house, as perhaps a way to keep some form of control over the property, or "earn" his monthly payments.

    Do not let him back into the house for any reason.

    Consult a lawyer, or at the very least tell him that you won't pay him every month and refuse his offer to come back into the house to "maintain" it. If something needs to be fixed do it yourself or hire someone.

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  • green_boogers
    9 years ago

    Yep. A clean break - act now.

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Whatever he wants to be he sounds rather controlling.

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