Is it normal that my husband and i are emotionally out of sync?

5 Comments

When he's up I'm down. When he's high I'm low. When I want to sit at home he has somewhere he wants to go. When he wants to be near me I want to be alone. And vice versa. I can't go on.

It is exhausting. We are rarely on the same level. I feel like he's sucking me dry of my energy because I try to meet him halfway, but he is impossible to please with the way things are between us. He makes vague attempts to meet me halfway and if he does happen to do so you would think it was killing him. Instead of lifting one another's spirits it seems we just take turns being happy. Even if I am in high spirits, by the time I've done all I can to make him happy I am drained. Since he is so rarely happy, it seems he wants me to save my positive energy for when it suits him best, but I don't work like that. I have a positive disposition most of the time and I refuse to suppress my negative emotions that must occasionally surface. We aren't even on the same page when it comes to things like hunger, desire for sex and bedtime. We are off balance and I don't know if this is normal for a marriage.

He keeps talking about suicide and dying from his health problems, but I'm only becoming more apathetic because I don't see him trying very hard to help himself in any way. I feel like he uses this to get what he wants.

p.s. He has pain and anxiety and takes painkillers and occasionally anti-anxiety meds.

It's his medication 1
He is using me and only cares what I can do for him 1
He is severely depressed 3
He is an energy vampire 2
He is a psychopath who is uncapable of love 1
He's just an egotistical jerk 2
We are operating at different vibrational levels 2
There are things we can do to balance our needs 4
We need to move on from each other. 3
It is my lack of understanding of his issues 3
I am being selfish and should take better care of him 0
I am just a cold hearted woman 4
Other notion 2
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Comments ( 5 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Marriage isn't supposed to work, its just for making kids.

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  • Sog
    10 years ago

    I was going to say well this is all normal marriage stuff until you got to the part where he talks about suicide.

    When someone talks about suicide, you don't write him off. He's very sick and needs your help right now.

    Go to the doctor with him ASAP and talk about the medications he's taking and his depression. They may refer him to a therapist or maybe you could even see one together. Of course he may be resistant about seeing a doctor, but you need to be forceful about him going.

    If you care about him, you need to make sure that he gets better because people who are depressed have trouble taking care of themselves.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      He's seeing doctors and is supposed to see a therapist but skipped out on it. He absolutely hates going to the doctor and it took forever just to get him to go to a regular doctor, but I really do hope he sees the therapist soon. I don't write him off but i can't help but feel he's trying to manipulate me because he mostly talks about it when he wants something.... Can depression/suicidal thoughts make a good person act like a really bad person? I don't know who he is anymore :/ Thanks for your response.

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      • Karmasbitch
        10 years ago

        I am responding to your question there 'can depression/suicidal thoughts turn a good person into a really bad person?' And I can say from experience, yes. When a person hits a certain low, (the level is different for everyone but it sends the same message) he or she feels desperate, is angry at the world because he/she doesn't feel they have a place in this world and their head becomes filled with negative thoughts that just cycle through your head and so when everything feels bad, your going to react in some way. Your husband hasn't found the right way to channel his anger and depression. He also needs a new routine everyday, I highly suggest a drastic change, something big enough to get a spark in him again, for him to see the light, so-to-speak. Because therapy is helpful, but it's only 20%, 80% is at home. So if things don't change at home, he is going to continue in his ways.

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  • green_boogers
    10 years ago

    You need emotional distance to protect your psyche. Move into a different bedroom if possible. Join a club, or activity to get out of the house frequently.

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