Is it normal that my girlfriend invites other guys over for sleep overs?

10% Normal
40 Comments

For starters, im 18, almost 19, Male, Australian, virgin.
My Girlfriend is 19, female, Australian, not virgin.

So, tonight i found out that my Girlfriend (For just 2 weeks) invited my best friend (of about 12 years) to a sleep over tomorrow night after we all cought up after a few drinks (Alcohol is legal for 18+ in Australia)

Im not happy about this at all becuase in the past, this thing has happened to me before, and things happened.. Leaving me feeling like my heart had been ripped from my chest (Note: it was my first serious relationship and i was dealing with depression at the time).. so i have some serious trust issues when it comes to this stuff.

After finding this out, i call up my best friend, and make him Promise me that nothing would happen, so he did (as expected for a 12 year old friendship).. So then i ask my Girlfriend to promise me that nothing will happen, and she told me it was annoying that i even had to ask her that. So, i ask her again, reminding her about what has happened to me in the past, and why i have serious trust issues about this. She tells me it's insulting that i need to ask that a second time.. and never promised me that nothing would happen.
After this, i explain things like 'how am i supposed to trust you, when you cant even promise me nothing will happen' and 'i need a promise becuase we've only been going out 2 weeks and i have serious trust issues'

After saying all of this, i decide, its better to break up with her.. if she was willing to have a sleep over with my best friend (im sure nothing would have happened, becuase i know him), this means she would with another guy i dont know.. and thats where the major issues start (that i shouldnt even need to be dealing with this early in a relationship)
So i break up with her, to save myself some possible heart-ache of her possible cheating in the future.

So what i want to know is -
is it normal that she wants sleep overs with other guys just 2 weeks into the relationship?
Feel free to comment your opinions, and what you think, if me breaking up with her was the right decision or not?

Thankyou for reading this much. This is my first post on this site (i've had it for many months though)
And im sorry if i have made any spelling errors/grammar. (im not very accademic)

Voting Results
10% Normal
Based on 157 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 40 )
  • TerryVie
    11 years ago

    I agree with your decision.

    She would have made you feel uncomfortable, and it's not really her place to invite YOUR friend over for a sleepover.

    Also, if you are a virgin, she's been withholding sex from you, obviously.

    Seems like this would have been quite bound for disaster...if not know, then possibly later.

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    • RapidRat
      11 years ago

      Well, it was only 2 weeks into the relationship, and we both agreed not to have sex until at least a month, and when we trust eachother.. but im happy i didnt lose it to her.
      Also, i stayed at her place one night and some stuff happened, but not sex.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    I'm glad you ended it, she sounds like a slag.

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  • PurrrKittyCat
    11 years ago

    That's not normal at all. It doesn't matter how new the relationship. Having YOUR friend sleep over her house is just plain disrespectful, and shows how cheap she is to be honest. Me and my boyfriend don't even let eachother talk to other people of the different sex. Now, imagine if he had one of my best friends sleep over his house. Yeah. I would do the same thing you did. Dump his ass. She has no reason to be having YOUR friend sleeping over at her house. Why not have you sleep over too at the same time? Because she's obviously up to no good. Yeah. You made the right decision. Go find someone that will only want you, and you only.

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    • Lynxikat
      11 years ago

      Wait, wait, wait... you and your boyfriend don't talk to people of the different sex? Why? What's the harm in talking to someone of the opposite sex?

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      • RapidRat
        11 years ago

        Im assuming they are worried about their partner accidently flirting.. thats the only reason why i could 'understand' it.. other then that, its too far.. haha

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    • RapidRat
      11 years ago

      Thankyou for your support :'D ..i wouldnt go as far as not talking to the opposite sex though.

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  • nightmare28
    11 years ago

    This day and age you can't be too sure when your girl invites other girls for sleep over, if she invited your friend she probably just want him rather than you.

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  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    2 weeks? serious relationship?

    I am about to die. thats the kind of shit i said when I was 14.

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    • RapidRat
      11 years ago

      I was talking about my previous relationship.. not this one..

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    Well...

    For one, I think you sound paranoid. I have people, male and female stay over all the time. There's nothing unusual about that, I don't even see why it would be a cause for suspicion unless you're that painfully innocent.

    For another, you can't just walk into a brand new relationship and throw your baggage on another person. Your trust issues are *your* problem, not hers. Maybe you should deal with that before pursuing a relationship.

    You probably scared her, and insulted her because you wouldn't trust her. I mean, 2 weeks man? That's no time at all and you're already starting arguments over something that probably would have never been an issue.

    I don't think that she's the problem here.

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    • RapidRat
      11 years ago

      Thats your opinion, however, thats not how i see it at all, yes, i have trust issues, but having sleep overs with other people so soon into the relationship.. the warning bells went off!
      In the past, this type of thing happened, and stuff did happen.. so why should i trust her so soon into the relatuonship.. i would rather leave before she cheats, and find another girl, that see's things eye to eye with me.

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      • shade_ilmaendu
        11 years ago

        Look, You can downvote me all you want, I'm just trying to help. I think in this situation, with her barely knowing your friend, you had every right to dump her and be suspicious.

        But the point I was trying to make is that you cannot project your trust issues onto another person. Why should they have to make special allowances just because you're essentially comparing them to your ex, assuming they'll do the same thing?

        And I had a sleepover with other people probably 3 days after I got into my newest relationship (a year ago now). I'm an adult, I live on my own. Friends come over as they please, and often they stay. If it was one of *her* friends rather than yours, would you still be as suspicious? If so, then that's a problem that you need to work on your own.

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        • RapidRat
          11 years ago

          Becuase of my past, yes, i would be suspicious with anyone.
          I see what you are saying, but i told her everything about my past, and she understood why i have these trust issues.. but she still ignored them. Thats not somone i want to be involved with.

          And i dont downvote anyone for a matter of opinion. That is yours, and i respect that.

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        • Dad
          11 years ago

          I re-upped your vote shade', because you're absolutely right.

          True though RapidRat you are still quite young, so there's no blame intended either on you or your Ex, only advice to hopefully helping you.

          But the 'trust' issue is only yours, this girl may have been the most trusted person you'll ever meet, or maybe not. When we start a relationship we don't immediately look to the end and see the faults. We build and learn together. You never know, this girl may have helped your 'trust' issues, by being sociable and open, and basically accepting and respecting others whatever they do. ie What if your wife (a long way off from now) needed to go on a business trip to France? Or a girls only holiday to Queensland? You continue to trust and accept her the way she is, if she cheats on you, then you accept it and THEN decide what to do, but NOT before it happens (if ever!)

          I read you had a long distance relationship with a girl in Scotland?
          What if THIS girl decided to come stay with you? The same applies. Your Gf would need to accept you and trust your actions. If you cheat, then she would need to accept that and THEN decide on the next move.

          Your virginity and trust issues, do not give you the right to control her social life, with your friend sleeping over, or someone you don't even know! That is her, and you are you. And you accept her the way she is.

          I think you missed an opportunity of great social interaction at an excellent age of 18 with your trusted Gf. It could have lead onto some fun times together. A Gf is NOT your possession and this is what you MUST accept forever.

          Next time be a bit more open minded, without any demands. Hopefully this will allow both of you to grow together, for the duration of your Gf/Bf relationship. As someone mentioned earlier, you are not 14 anymore, adults do whatever they want to do, irrespective of any conditions you would prefer.

          If you are still confused about what I and shade' are trying to enlighten you on here, please ask again, and I'll try to be more brief!

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          • ehhhhh
            9 years ago

            Hey dad, can I sleep over at your wife? I uhhh promise not to seduce her by being younger and more successful than you.

            Honestly I think what you have to say is a load of ****. You forget the fact that unfaithful events do happen even if a neutral sleepover event is possible.

            Each individual is different. If you can trust your gf with whatever she does, then do it if it makes you happy. If somebody is jelous about their gf having sleepover, who are you to tell that their feelings are wrong? Perhaps after I am done with your wife and you are furious, I could tell that you are wrong to be furious, because me and your wife had such a great time together and if you accepted that everyone would be happy :D

            It's really the same thing. Emotions are emotions, and what part of reality they relate to is irrelevant in relation to the value of the emotions themselves.

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            • Dad
              9 years ago

              I agree that emotions are not logical, and therefore no one (not even me) can say what is fact and what is not, when it comes to love.

              But your example is not ideal, since its not the outsider (you) that can make or break a relationship between two other people. It is only the people within the relationship that can do that. ie If you asked my partner (hypothetically speaking of course) for a sleepover, although a tad rude, it is up to my partner to accept or decline, and only then does the trust/mistrust begin from the partner NOT you.

              In saying that, with a little more wisdom you probably could eventually provide a more in line example that may stump me. I suppose in that case, most if not all relationships between 2 people should never fear others, if they are honestly in love.

              'Jealousy is a curse'. What this means is that if you (generally anyone) is jealous, that is NOT the other partners fault. Think of jealousy as a sickness within the person who is jealous only. Your faithful partner does not need to prove themselves or make any change whatsoever to a jealous spouse. The jealous person themselves should try to control this illness to not allow it to manifest to their partner (or publicly) ever.
              They can never cure jealousy as it is a 'curse' ;)

              By the way, I've just responded to your reply, I haven't even re-read this topic, I hope it was still relevant to topic? But thanks for replying to my reply made 2 years ago :D

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    • TerryVie
      11 years ago

      I agree to an extent...but as said above, the main problem I see is that she is inviting HIS friend, not a mutual buddy...aside from that, I still stand by a relationship end as the best course of action...dude has issues, but at least he knows...I doubt it would have any chance of working out between them.

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      • shade_ilmaendu
        11 years ago

        Yeah, I do agree that's a big weird... unless they were friends for a bit too? O.o

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        • RapidRat
          11 years ago

          They knew eachother for 3 days before i started going out with her.. so i wouldnt say they were friends.

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    • thinkingaboutit
      11 years ago

      i feel like they are both problematic. they will hate each other for no reason in the end.

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  • robbieforgotpw
    10 years ago

    I manured myself laughing

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  • Falcon120367
    11 years ago

    Hey brother, your girl WANTS TO HAVE A SLEEP OVER WITH ANOTHER MAN? 1. she wants to experience you having a bisexual relationship with your buddy. 2. She's extra kinky and doesn't care about your feelings or 3. She wanted you to end the relationship for her to be doing your friend! Either way CONGRADULATIONS for ditching her. She just seems like desperate trash and two weeks isn't a relationship it's only a short vacation or a long party. Find your true love and I hope everything works out for the best.

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  • snafu
    11 years ago

    fuck her and your friend off get new friends and as new girl

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  • FrancoisDillinger
    11 years ago

    I'll be honest. I've been in a similar situation except I was the guy "sleeping over".

    My good friend's love interest started making out with me.

    We were drunk and rolling, so she came on real strong. It took EVERYTHING I had not to do anything.

    They weren't even dating yet, but I knew how he felt about her.

    If he knew about this, I'm sure he wouldn't trust that nothing happened. I would say don't trust your friend, but it's possible he did the same as me.

    They ended up having a child together.

    It's a tricky call, but you did the right thig.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Why would your friend agree to having a sleep over with her?. You did the right thing. You felt anxious for the right reasons.

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    • RapidRat
      11 years ago

      Thankyou.. and this isnt the only thing he did with her that i wasnt happy with :/

      Update: Its turned nasty now and i've lost him as a friend, and he slept with her anyway.

      Good News: It's reached the point where i just dont give a shit anymore, and i will find better friends.

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  • Lynxikat
    11 years ago

    Personally, I don't think it's normal to have a sleepover with someone of the opposite sex... unless they've been friends for a while. But in this case, since you said that the two barely knew each other, no, it's not normal.

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  • emilydoll
    11 years ago

    Ew that's not normal at all.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Greetings from the south.....the deep south..hehe...

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    • RapidRat
      11 years ago

      You from Adelaide too? :D

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        Adelaide may be south.....but it's not the deep south....

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        • RapidRat
          11 years ago

          Hmmm, then where are you from? Tazi? :D

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          • [Old Memory]
            11 years ago

            It's a bingo!!

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    I wouldn't accept it. She sounds like a slut from the description. If my bf had a girl sleeping over, in certain situations, I'd have to be there to. Why should I have to sit at home and wonder?

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    • RapidRat
      11 years ago

      I know, and its not like i saw here every day either, i saw her maybe once a week (she lives like 2 hours away from me), and the fact she say my friend the day before this all happened.. makes me wonder more..

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  • Wambo37
    11 years ago

    oh my

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  • cookiesaregreat
    11 years ago

    I accidentally clicked 'normal' when i meant the opposite. Sorry for that.

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    • RapidRat
      11 years ago

      Thanx for letting me know :)

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  • Mmmpfh
    11 years ago

    In my experience women are very sensitive about trust issues in relationships and there is seemingly no right way of asking questions like that. She certainly could have been more understanding though, considering you have a past troubling you. There was no need for her to get offended.
    Also, not really normal for a woman to have a sleep over with men if its JUST them. Happens all the time at parties and all that, but that doesn't sound like much of a party.

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