Is it normal that my friend now expects me to pay for her after i paid for it?

23% Normal

a while ago i purchased some one dollar eye shadows online while we were browsing the internet together. we found this shop where you could get eye shadows for 1-3 bucks. so that one time she ordered an eye shadow along with my batch of make-up so she could save on shipping and handling, which is okay. when the package arrived, i said she didn't need to pay for it ($1) because she's been my friend for so long and i just wanted to do something nice once in a while. now whenever i shop online at the one dollar store she always wants to tag along, she asks me when i'm going to be ordering again. i'm worried that she's expecting me to pay for her again.

did i make a mistake by letting her have her order for free that one time? as background information, i'm talking about this same person: http://isitnormal.com/story/is it normal that-a-friend-pretends-like-she-doesnt-about-your-hardships-100918/ so understandably i'm very worried that i've made a mistake.

please help? on one hand, i don't want to lose a friend, but i also can't afford to be her "sugar momma". was i wrong to want to treat her when there was NO SPECIAL OCCASION? when you pay for someone once (and not during a special occasion), is it normal that they take it as a sign that that i'll pay for their stuff again in the future?

Voting Results

23% Normal

Based on 69 votes (16 yes)

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Comments ( 28 )

justinetld

12 years ago

Just let her know you can't pay for her every time, and if she wants to order with you to save on shipping, she can pay for her stuff.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  i knoooow. it's SOOOOO simple. i don't even know why i started this question. i'm not a very straight-forward person. i think i'm also kind of scared that she'll call me "stingy" or "cheap" or a "penny-pincher". really, i'm not. after all it's a buck, right? and more importantly she's my friend. it's just that i need reassurance that it's not ALL she wants from me.
  
  heh. sad.
  
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  - Alison89
    
    12 years ago
    
    Why would you be afraid that someone who doesn't pay for anything to call you stingy? That doesn't make any sense.
    
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joybird

12 years ago

You are assuming she's going to take it for granted. When you are ordering, just say, "Well, do you want to give me the $4 now or wait til the stuff arrives?"
Then she knows you expect her to pay.

Easy.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  i'm not making these assumptions out of nothing. she's always making me pay for other things, like when we're out and she only comes if i bring my car. if i say i want to take a cab/my car is in the shop/i want to take a bus/walk she won't come. and when she does, she never offers to pay gas, even if i say, "we need to go home now because i can only afford X amount of gas" she won't take the hint. she's kind of gotten comfortable/"used to" going out with me with my car and it looks like now she "won't accept any less". should i have started differently? like laid out the rules from the beginning? because i certainly feel like i've started on the wrong foot! i don't know the common "decency rules", so just do whatever. but now i think maybe i'm giving her the wrong idea.
  
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  - joybird
    
    12 years ago
    
    I believe in this life we don't get what we deserve - we get what we settle for!
    
    Unless you have absolutely no-one else in the world to go out with, you don't need this taker. Dead right she's not taking the hints - coz it doesn't suit her to understand what you mean!!! This girl is not your friend and is using you to such an extreme that it is hurting / demeaning you. Somehow you are putting yourself below her as if she is more valuable or worthy than you, yet you are the one that has the car.
    
    If you were of no use to her she would dump you!!
    
    Pleeeaasseee learn from this relationship and realise she is no good for you. You need to appreciate yourself and realise that it's her loss if she loses you. I'd encourage you not to settle for this rotten treatment of you - or some guy is going to treat you like real crap and you'll accept it coz that's what you've learned to do.
    
    It can be hard to confront people like her so let her call you and don't run after her friendship. You sound like anyone would appreciate a friend like you but she wants to be treated like a princess! Believe it or not while she has these principles she will probably meet a guy who will treat her that way which is what we'd all want for you.... so get arrogant, believe you are gorgeous, wonderful, witty, etc and she should feel privileged to be invited into your car!!
    
    Bet she'd claim compensation off you if you had an accident!
    Bin her sorry @ss!!!
    
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  - Alison89
    
    12 years ago
    
    She makes you pay for everything when you're out shopping and doesn't even offer to pay for parking or a part of parking? That's too much.
    
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TyLee

12 years ago

I think you should think about the positives and negatives of being her friend. It seems like a lot of negatives and she seems like a total jerk. You are a sweet girl and you deserve better friends.

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flax

12 years ago

All you need to do is stop talking about the $1 store, and if she asks just say you don't use the site anymore. No need for elaborate stories or lies or anything. What you do in your own private web browsing time is your business. You shouldn't feel obliged to tell her every minute detail of what or how you shop.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  i don't tell her about it, she asks. and i feel bad about it when i say "i'm not planning on getting anything" when in fact i am.
  
  i said, "yeah, i'm getting stuff today" and she ordered two items. and i said "can you hand me the cash tomorrow after work? i'll go make the payment as soon as i have the cash because i need to put it in the envelope where i put money i use to pay my credit card bills".
  
  and all of the sudden she cancels her order and says she didn't the store anyway and everything in it is "cheap stuff and bad quality."
  
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Energy

12 years ago

Tell her that you don't want to pay for her.
Nicely. Lol.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  i think i'll start telling her i'm short of money or something? do you think that's a good idea?
  
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  - Energy
    
    12 years ago
    
    Yes
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      12 years ago
      
      thanks. i told her that and she cancelled her $2 order.
      
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hellomyloverhellomyfriend

11 years ago

shity friend...

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Ono

12 years ago

So exactly what does she ever do for you in the friendship? You teach others how to treat you, and at the moment you're not at all her equal.
In short, why are you even 'friends' with someone who you know treats you horribly?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  you know, i have no idea. all i know right now is that i came to this site and asked...
  
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  - Alison89
    
    12 years ago
    
    Ono makes a good point. You think of her as a friend and she thinks of you as a resource.
    
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Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

12 years ago

Tell her the truth - that whenever you go out she expects you to pay for everything and that you can't afford it anymore.

Then stop paying for things. See how long she stays.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  i told her she'd have to give me cash before i make the credit card payment and she canceled her order saying she doesn't want them anymore...
  
  thanks to everyone else who advised me to just tell her to pay up. rude awakening. BUT i am glad i asked on here.
  
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  - Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    
    12 years ago
    
    ROFL.
    
    "Doesn't want them anymore"... yeah right. Sounds more like she just didn't want to PAY for them.
    
    Good one on calling her bluff.
    
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caitienall

12 years ago

maybe she just wants to know when your ordering again so she can buy something and get the shipping discount again. it doesn't necessarily mean she expects you to pay for it all

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  i also suspect this has something to do with having me "do stuff for her". she loves telling others to do stuff for her. sometimes she makes me carry her shopping bags, she just doesn't want to do all the clicking and checking out and asking questions to customer service...
  
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  - rin
    
    12 years ago
    
    Just stop doing stuff for her and like you said tell her you don't have any money. You'll find out soon enough if she is truly your friend.
    
    She sounds spoiled...does she have any responsibilities? I can imagine her calling her mom from downstairs to take her plate away.
    
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    - Alison89
      
      12 years ago
      
      Yeah, really. I don't have any friends who make me do anything. Even my family will ask me for help.
      
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  actually she always makes me pay for gas when we're out. sometimes if we have to park at a parking garage and we take longer because she needs time to do something, she doesn't chip in. like if we're at the shopping atrium and she park at the parking building nearby. i'm only there to get supplies, it only takes me 10 minutes. then she says she needs shoes and a purse--which take like 3-4 hours, i end up paying for the parking. it's always a free ride. she won't even come if i say i want to walk/take a cab, because she knows she'll have to pay for the cab whereas if i drive, she gets a totally free ride. so i'm noticing a pattern. mind you, the amount of gas i usually pay on our shopping trips is WAY over the buck i spent on her eyeshadow/blush of whatever it was she ordered that time. i usually spend 10-20 bucks on gas. and i gave her a free $1 item, so i'm kind of worried she's expecting me to pay.
  
  i wish there was an etiquette guide for something like this online. i don't know WHAT i'm doing! i heard you're not supposed to give people expensive gifts. now i gave a really cheap one and i'm all scared that she's going to expect me to do it again.
  
  it's really about the credit card too (not just the shipping). i have one and she doesn't, so she has to use my account.
  
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butternutty

12 years ago

Joy bird knows why he/she's talking about. Subtle, straightforward, and you won't have to accuse her of anything

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  i'm not really "accusing" as much as i'm noticing a pattern (read my reply to her about me always paying for gas).
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal that my friend now expects me to pay for her after i paid for it?