Is it normal that my dad's cousin lives very close, but i've never met them?

58% Normal
7 Comments

I recently found out this year that one of my dad's first cousins lives very close to where we live... about fifteen to twenty minutes away from us to be precise.

Of my dad's nine first cousins, this particular one (We'll call him "Matt") is obviously the least favorite of my mom's mostly for this reason. In the past, my parents would always be the ones to invite them over, but Matt and his wife (We'll call her "Barbara") never did the same.

Now Matt and Barbara have five kids, who are all super-stars. Barbara comes from a very big family herself; she's one of twelve kids. My dad doesn't seem to have much issue with them not contacting him (Even though they live so close) because their kids had been very active with a lot of different activities (The youngest just graduated high school), Barbara comes from a huge family, and there's also the fact that my dad was never as close to Matt as he was with Matt's brother.

But I think one thing that bothers my mom is when two of Matt's kids were getting married (As of right now, two of Matt's kids are married), my dad wasn't invited to the wedding. She understood herself not being invited because the possible guest limit and Barbara coming from a huge ass family, but she was annoyed that my dad wasn't invited to EITHER wedding. Again, my dad didn't make a huge deal out of it giving the "Barbara comes from a big family" excuse. Even so, my mom still thinks that at the very least, my dad should have been invited to the two weddings. This, combined with the fact that Matt and Barbara have never contacted my dad in the 20+ years that they lived near each other, is what bothers my mom about Matt and Barbara.

I also don't have any first cousins, at all. The closest cousins I have that are my age that I've met live in New York. The youngest kid of Matt and Barbara is a year younger than me. I've had a cousin near my age that's lived near my this whole time, and I've never spoken to her or communicated with her. It kind of made me sad, since I could have had a cousin to be buddies with, but because my dad and his cousin never communicated, I've never spoken to her.

So is it normal that in this instance, that my dad's cousin lives like, fifteen minutes away but not only have I never met them, I've never met any of his kids?

Voting Results
58% Normal
Based on 19 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • Cuntsiclestick
    11 years ago

    Normal. I have many family members living close by that I've never met.

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  • mike129
    11 years ago

    matt my have done bad

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  • LPrttyktty2791
    11 years ago

    Your post wasn't clear if your family reached out to them and was snubbed, or if you guys just don't keep in touch at all. About the wedding thing, no offense to your mother who is probably a wonderful person, but that seems silly and catty. Your Dad's cousin wasn't getting married, his kids were, kids who it doesn't sound knew him nor really he them; that wasn't their fault, it was their parents, and it was THEIR wedding, why should they have people there they don't know? You also don't know how large their fiance's family is, or how many friends were invited. I don't know one of my Dad's cousins, I don't even know all of mine. Family is great, but once you get past siblings and parents it can feel forced. They don't always care about you, nor you about them, and you really can't force a relationship with someone who just isn't interested. I don't think it's remotely weird for your Dad to fall out of touch with his cousin, distance has nothing to do with it. As for the wedding, maybe slightly rude, but not at all strange to not get a wedding invite from a second cousin in my opinion unless family is super important in your culture.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Perhaps I should have been a bit more clear; my parents were always the ones to invite them over; Matt and Barbara never did the same. I think maybe "snub" is a bit too strong of a word. I think when my parents stopped contacting them, there was no contact between them... because my parents were always the ones to try to invite them over. They never made the effort.

      Another thing I probably should have made clearer: my dad and Matt are first cousins via my paternal grandpa (From what I understand about how cousin relationships work, Matt's kids would be my second cousins because he was my dad's first cousin). And my dad and Matt's brother (therefore, is also my dad's first cousin) were really close, if that helps.

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      • LPrttyktty2791
        11 years ago

        Your first paragraph does help illuminate me. The second paragraph I did already understand, but apparently what I do not have a firm grasp on is what constitutes a second cousin O_o I thought a second cousin was the child of a first cousin? Wouldn't your Dad's cousin's kids be HIS second cousins? Regardless, I get your family's frustration more now, but still don't view it as odd. A lot of my family is like this, even siblings. There is no feud that I know of in my family, just self-absorption. Maybe your family is more awesome than mine, or maybe your Mom has higher standards for people, but I have always just shrugged my shoulders and said "It takes two". And I wasn't even invited to my first cousin's wedding, but I didn't think that strange b/c I didn't know them. Reading this post, maybe I should have b/c they were 10 years older than me and they knew me better than I knew them! *sigh* families....

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  • curiousd
    11 years ago

    I don't think this is normal. It's one thing for you to see your dad's cousin rarely, like once a year or once every couple years, but since "Matt" lives so close it is unusual that you have not met him yet. You would think your dad would at least run into "Matt" accidentally at some point after living close to him for this long. Obviously families have their issues, but usually when feuds happen the family members still have to see each other on rare occasions.

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    I'm in a similar-ish situation. My dad has a half-brother who grew up ten minutes away from him, but they never met. Every time I meet someone with my surname I wonder if they're my secret cousin. I wish I knew. :/

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