Is it normal that my dad makes comments about my body & makes me uncomfortable?

If it makes you feel uncomfortable than ask him to stop. and Also I'd stop making any comments about your body all together. I think he knows you're self conscious about your body and he wants to tell you how beautiful you are.

My dad also makes inappropriate comments about my appearance. He also likes to tell me (usually in public, no less) about the sex he has with my mom. However, the big kicker (and my mom doesn't know) is that he actually did molest me once when I was 8. Since then, I've looked at these kind of comments directed at kids as a kind of red flag. These comments are disguised as compliments but it really feels like they are not because now when he says these things, it's obvious how uncomfortable it makes me, but he thinks my discomfort is hilarious and it means that I am weak (and just to clarify, these are not comments like "oh you look really pretty today" or something - it's more like "you have really big tits and I like they way they look in that dress" or "I think that waiter wants to f*ck you" also said so that the waiter can hear, etc).

So, it might be common, but I don't think it's normal. Good luck figuring out how you want to handle this!! I'm still working on that myself.

It almost seems like you're mom knows what's up. Why would she not let him change your diaper if there wasn't a concern? And if she did it to protect you without any cause then there could be the start of your conditional thinking.

"He had anger problems when I was a child and would spank my sister & I when we were naked."
The thought of it makes my skin crawl. Eww!

You're not feeling these feelings for no reason. It seems almost definite to me that you have been sexually abused in the past and that his continual inappropriate references to your body are triggering these feelings.

"Anger problems" which result in an adult male spanking his little girls when they're naked = abuse and probably sexual abuse.

Please also be aware that it's quite common for sexually abused children to love the abusing parent and one of the most damaging longterm effects is this conjuntion of abuse and love.

Can you talk to your Mum? Difficult I know. Or a school counsellor?

Please, please get some professional help with this or believe me, it can totally fuck up the rest of your life and your future relationships. Are there women's centres with support for sexual abuse and rape? In Australia they're usually called Centres Against Sexual Assault, but I don't know where you are - US?

Please take care of yourself and let us know how you get on.

I think you're just being overly sensitive for no reason.

Check it out:

You say he doesn't do this with your sister even though she is absolutely gorgeous.
You say that him and you are nerds.
From my understanding about nerdy people, they usually feel like outcasts and feel bad about themselves.

I think your dad is just trying to make you feel better about yourself and trying to give you some confidence. However quirky or creepy it may come across.

He tells you that you look really pretty in that outfit, your hair looks nice, etc. He's just trying to make you feel better for whatever reason.

You say that he is a good dad. So why do you think these bad thoughts of somebody who has been good to you?

How is your relationship with your dad? Better than your sister's relationship with him? Worse? Maybe he is just trying to salvage or save it. You're his baby. Even though you are an adult now, you will always be his baby.

Either that or he's planning to split open your guts with a chainsaw and run through your spewing discharge like a kid through a sprayer on a hot summer's day

Ok, you don't recall him sexually abusing you. He's never raped you. He's had anger issues when you were younger, probably when things were very stressful. I'm not saying spanking is any kind of good, but it's not unheard of in any way.

There's a lot of neo feminist rhetoric going on lately that has unfortunately made many women turn themselves into unnecessary victims. My mother used to say I looked good in that shirt, handsome, dashing ect. I never took it as her coming on to me. I took at as her trying to build up my confidence, because you know, college can be stressful. Even demoralizing.

You should know your father better than anyone here. But be conscious of what you are reading and listening to lately. Think clairvoyantly and calmly about your father and his history and decide your actions based on that, not grasping at threads like you seem to be doing right now.

So many red flags, loooks like you represed sone memories of something that happend. And your mom knows about it.

Oh my god its like looking into a mirror! My mom is bipolar and my dad has done the exact same thing. My mom always got jumpy when people talk about pedophiles, and one time i mentioned feeling uncomfortable around my dad and she kind of freaked out and changed the subject. i live away from them now but i worked with a therapist specializing in sexual assault to put together my memory. Alot of times we think of traumas like this as "not real" what resonates the most with me about your story is THE DREAM. 9 year olds litterally CANT imagine rape. How would your 9 year old mind come up with that before you even know what sex is? Unless youve been exposed to some kind of sexual abuse, or witnessed some kind of violent sexual behavior (not nessecarily by your dad) but somehow 9 year old you had a dream about it so graphic youre STILL remembering it years later. I had a "dream" that someone was touching me while i was sleeping. And guess what?

Maybe im projecting my story onto you, but my opinion is that you should tell your mom you feel uncomfortable with your dads comments to start, just so she knows how you feel about it, and ask if you can see a therapist. if you absoloutly cant tell your dad you dont like what hes saying, maybe your mom can tell him, and the sooner you get into therapy, (with a therapist specializing in abuse hopefully) the sooner you can unravel whats really going on with you, abuse or not.

People who say that others are "putting ideas into your head" have never been sexually assaulted and dont know that you cant just "Convince yourself" that youve been sexually assaulted. You either have or you havnt, and the human mind is a complicated thing that only wants to protect itself. most survivors dont remember thier abuse till they get older and start having strange feelings or memories.

Theres only so much strangers can guess on the internet, but i hope youre okay either way.

I have never felt this way about my old man but if I did I would be like "yo! Dad thats just inappropriate" every time he said anything wierd. maybe he thinks you are self conciouse and the only way he knows how to boost your feelings is by coming across a bit creepy. If you are close to your sis just ask her how she feels about your dad and ask her if she feels the same way?

My sisters dad is like that, always sexualising her... touching her bum. I think it is odd regarding the context, and unnatural as both parties don't have a proper understanding.

The conversation can go both ways is either wrong or is not. Some monkeys are aggressive and only have relations with select few, others are more altruistic and use sex as a social tool. Pubic hair develops to notify others in species the subject is able to have sex safely, with our knowledge we know genetic disorders can occur if you procreate of those in a close bloodline.

So simply objectively speaking you can be more distant from your dad by standing your ground and puffing your chest going no dad bad touch or you can be closer with him and other people with your life by being more comfortable with your body and laying with those close. Don't sleep around or what not, sex is nothing special is like giving someone a hug only more intimate. Is a symbol of marriage (read the bible, sex out of marriage is badly defined example how people extrude ethics from the bible), if you are close to someone and know you are going have them in your life for awhile becoming closer is only natural.

This way of life really redefines what a husband or wife is, because we are all brother and sister why can't you potentially have multiple children and society raise them. People would be a lot less messed up as we all assume responsibility as a group rather then 7 billion broken homes all competing with each other and allowing media to raise our kids. My idea of the world though is very different. One without natural disaster, hunger, counter productivity of a global scale, illness, etc. So yeah I am the crazy one.