Is it normal that my boyfriend maybe took advantage of me when i was drunk?

47% Normal
32 Comments

I was at a party with my boyfriend of three months and I was really drunk. He wasn't drunk at all because he doesn't drink. Anyway, we were lying on a mattress on a balcony above the main room, alone, kissing and dry-humping. I get really horny when I'm drunk. And suddenly he started telling me to relax and that I could do whatever I wanted with him and just do what felt right. A few minutes later he started pushing my hands down to his crotch area. I have never done anything like that before and am a virgin (he isn't). Does this count as him taking advantage of me? Is it normal or ok for him to do that? I don't really know what to think.

Voting Results
47% Normal
Based on 107 votes (50 yes)
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Comments ( 32 )
  • Acerbic
    10 years ago

    This doesn't sound good. You are in a relationship with one another, but that doesn't give him the right to become intimate with you without your consent.
    From your description, it seems like you were pretty out of it at the time. That means you were unable to give any consent and that makes what he did wrong- even more so because he was in a clear state of mind and knew what he was doing. He did take advantage of you and that's not okay under any circumstances, regardless of if you'd done those particular activities before.

    No-one here knows his character better than you do. There's really no excuse he could give that would make it okay, but have you asked him about it?
    I just wonder if it was a one-time thing he was trying in a lapse of judgement or if he's that type of person. If you think he is, it'd probably be good to get some time apart or at the very least, try not to get too intoxicated around him. It's not your responsibility to keep him from sexually assaulting you, but if you think there's even the possibility of him trying to do something you don't want, keep yourself as safe as possible.

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    • SuperBenzid
      10 years ago

      While I agree with most of what you were said and think it is overall good advice to OP.

      I don't get the:
      "That means you were unable to give any consent"
      She wasn't unconscious just drunk. "kissing and dry-humping. I get really horny when I'm drunk." It sounds like she gave consent. Whether that consent is legally sound depends on where you are. Consent means to give agreement to do something, of course you can agree to do things if you are drunk.

      OP:
      With you being a virgin he used alcohol to get you to do something you wouldn't have done while sober. That is morally wrong on his part. I would strongly think about ending a relationship if it happened to me. It is not ok.

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      • Acerbic
        10 years ago

        It does depend on where she is, but it's never really morally okay to take advantage of a drunk person, especially considering that they'd never done anything like that before. Even if she was coming onto him beforehand, it doesn't mean he can then do whatever he wants with her. I realize she wasn't unconscious, but she wasn't in her full, right mind either.
        I have no idea about his motives- it could just have been an honest mistake, but considering the fact he'd never tried to do anything like that with her before and instead chose the moment when she wasn't in full control as an opportunity to try leads me to be suspicious of his motives and whether or not her consent was of importance to him.

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        • TheInsignificantGirl
          10 years ago

          You talk a lot of sense. I suppose I'll have to talk to him about it... That's going to be a difficult topic to broach. Any idea how to phrase it?

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          • Agirlsbestfriend.
            10 years ago

            Let's talk about rape, baby
            Let's talk about you and me,

            Let's talk about feeling my junk,
            When I get drunk,
            That's slea-zy,

            Let's talk about rape,
            Let's talk about rape.

            Worked for me

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  • udolipixie
    10 years ago

    Your bf sexually assaulted you. It's a bit amusing how often "took advantage" is used instead of rape or sexual assault.

    He didn't have your consent as being drunk or being in a relationship doesn't mean you're a free for all. In my opinion you're suited to never get drunk or sleep around guys as I find most guys are rapists/sexual predators in waiting. As well as for guys they don't really understand that consent to one act doesn't mean consenting to all acts so it seems for most guys engaging in one sexual acts means you're consenting to whatever other sexual acts he wants.

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  • robbieforgotpw
    10 years ago

    I like fartwalking

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    • RoseIsabella
      10 years ago

      Today I ate some coconut cream that was past it's expiration date. I vomited so violently that now my chest and throat are über sore. My voice is hoarse; I can barely speak.

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      • robbieforgotpw
        10 years ago

        Bad Rosie bad:/

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        • RoseIsabella
          10 years ago

          Well, it really happened. It was an event that was a part of my life.

          I went to a family dinner party for New Years Eve and my voice was still hoarse. In fact, my voice was so hoarse that the hostess asked if I was sick as soon as I walked in the door.

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          • robbieforgotpw
            10 years ago

            I hope u had a nice nice years:)
            *accidentally powerfudges his shorts

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            • RoseIsabella
              10 years ago

              Thanks, yes I did have a good time. It was pretty tame but good. I went to a dinner party that my aunt threw with my family. We had Colombian tamales for dinner and when it was over she sent everyone home with black-eyed peas, cabbage and pork chops for New Years Day. I drank mostly Captain Morgan's spiced rum & Coke and Crown Royal & Sprite. I also had a small glass of domestic sparkling wine at midnight; I don't usually like champagne.

              How was your New Years Eve?

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  • Shackleford96
    10 years ago

    No.

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    • shuggy-chan
      10 years ago

      Know

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      • Shackleford96
        10 years ago

        No, as in this question pisses me off...

        OP's boyfriend definitely should have had sense enough to show restraint (easier said than done I am certain), but at the same time, OP is trying to act like it's all his fault. But, the truth of the matter is probably that she was acting like a drunken horny tease and then, after coming to, wants to holler 'rape!' after remembering some of the things that happened the night before. No, I will not feel any sympathy for you OP. Your boyfriend didn't take advantage of you. Stop acting like a victim here and learn to be more responsible and learn that life has it's consequences.

        I am sure this will get down-thumbed by some asinine sympathizer too... Fuck it.

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        • Anime7
          10 years ago

          I was actually thinking the same thing. I mean she mentions how she was horny and they were already getting busy anyways. I'm not victim-blaming here, but it just sounds like things were already getting hot n heavy, it's not rape because really where did you expect it to go? It's almost like she's looking for someone to blame for being drunk and horny. The way that she ends the post doesn't help, she mentions that she doesn't know, which reinforces the whole looking for someone to blame theory.

          I think it's both their faults, the OP and her boyfriend. Although I'm having a hard time even saying the guy's at fault, since again things were already getting pretty hot. It just seems like the OP doesn't want to acknowledge her own role in this whole situation.

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          • Shackleford96
            10 years ago

            Exactly! I could not have said it better myself.

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            • Anime7
              10 years ago

              You kidding me, you said it perfectly fine. I was simply just adding on to what you were saying. You deserve all the credit for this one Broseidon.

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        • Agirlsbestfriend.
          10 years ago

          Hands in crotch area? Nothing even happened anyway...

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  • DragonQueen
    10 years ago

    Its your fault, you got drunk and then laid down, what did you think he was gonna do. Dance with you. C'mon girl u asked for it. Me personally I love to be dominated by men. My King Rapes me on a regular basis. aaaaaaaaaah! Don't make such a big deal about it. It's time u put out anyway. what are u saving it for anyway Mr. Right? Please. Your a cocktease if you ask me!

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  • Mersaphe
    10 years ago

    Yes and it means he loves you

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  • (s)aint
    10 years ago

    What did you do when he pushed your hands down?
    resist?
    And did he proceeded when you showed that you didn't want to be a part of it any more?

    Honestly I'm scared when I read these kinds of things, why do men always gets blamed for "taking advantage" of their damned girlfriends? YOU got drunk and horny and it's YOUR responsibility.

    Had you said NO and he persisted, that's inappropriate and I'd gladly have cut his cock off myself.

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  • Agirlsbestfriend.
    10 years ago

    You were raped. I'm so so sorry, hun. It's not your fault. The best thing you can do is talk the police about what happened.

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    • GavinNewsom
      10 years ago

      Doesn't sound like rape but definitely inappropriate behavior, especially for someone that you call your boyfriend.

      Another point worth noting is the presence of alcohol - not much good happens when alcohol is present.

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      • Agirlsbestfriend.
        10 years ago

        There are different types of rape; gang rape, rape with tools and implements etc. but they are all taking advantage.
        This is a form of rape because it was taking advantage of someone sexually, but you can't blame the alcohol. It doesn't matter, it's still rape.

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        • GavinNewsom
          10 years ago

          I understand your point, and acknowledge I don't know the legal nuances of definitions of rape which is why I identified it as definitely inappropriate.

          I am not blaming alcohol at all, but what I am saying is that without the presence of alcohol, this could not have happened as the girl would have been in full control of herself. I am NOT blaming the girl, just making the point the presence of heavy alcohol consumption rarely leads to positive outcomes.

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          • TheInsignificantGirl
            10 years ago

            Yeah I know. I didn't mean to get that drunk. I am a complete lightweight because I am small and skinny and alcohol tends to hit me strongly and suddenly. I hadn't drunk for ages before that too so I forgot how much it affects me.

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            • DragonQueen
              10 years ago

              It is your fault! Cocktease! if you can't handle drinking then don't do it. Simple as that! Then u expect people to feel sorry 4 u. Please. Then u say u dry humped with your bf. And then he raped you! You are a silly little girl, grow up and don't play with men's minds, unless you plan to deliver. Trix are for kids, silly wabbit! The Queen is disgusted by you!

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