Is it normal that my boyfriend makes these comments?

21% Normal
18 Comments

Okay so I've been with my BF just about a year, we are both 21,and he is great and I love him, but there's an issue. So I'm a bit overweight and I am insecure about this and I've kind of indirectly hinted to him that I'm insecure. So anyway, his ex goes to school with us and sometimes when she walks by he will whisper a joke like "She's so huge lol", and yes she is larger than me, but still it's rude- they broke up on good terms. And the other day at a pool party we were talking with this girl who I mentioned later was annoying and he goes "yeah she's almost as fat as my ex!" which upset me a lot because this girl is the same size as me! I do horseback riding and I was joking about how
the horse hates to do work and my boyfriend goes "haha he probably hates when you sit on him!". I honestly don't think he meant it in a fat joke way, but I took it that way because of his previous comments and I cried! He said he was sorry and didn't mean to sound rude and all that. But is it normal for him to make those comments about others? He also gained weight himself and is insecure so idk if he is taking his insecurity out on others or what. He says he doesn't think I'm fat at all but if that's true why is he commenting on girls who are the same size as me?

Voting Results
21% Normal
Based on 19 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • AccordingToAllKnownLawsOfAviat
    7 years ago

    Well and then there's the thing that we all have different definitions of what fat is. Maybe he does'nt think you are fat and because of that he is less careful when talking about it around you? I think that if you want to have a stable relationship, you should talk to him about these comments. If he really does love you, he should try to change and be less rude. Talking shit about your ex is never good because then you wont know if he's gonna do the same about you if you ever break up.

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  • Couman
    7 years ago

    You can't "hint at" stuff like this with guys, especially not the type of guy who would say such things in the first place. We are not, as a rule, good at picking up on subtle messages. You need to let him know directly that you don't like to hear this kind of remark.

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  • MR.mr
    7 years ago

    I don't know how frequent these comments are but from what you're saying it sounds like he doesn't mean to be offensive, he just has poor taste in jokes.

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  • Ellenna
    7 years ago

    He sounds immature and insensitive: up to you if you want to hang around and see if he grows up but some people like that never do.

    Why stay with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? Life's too short

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  • riffraffy
    7 years ago

    Your boyfriend isn't as sensitive or socially aware as you are-typical for guys. The best answer isn't to keep being unhappy and insecure about your appearance. Count your calories and the weight will fly off.

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    • Ellenna
      7 years ago

      So "counting calories" makes the weight "fly off", does it? What rubbish and suggesting that she needs to do this wouldn't help her stop being insecure about her appearance

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      • riffraffy
        7 years ago

        Don't insult her intelligence: she's not dumb enough to trick herself into being happy about her appearance she isn't. When you're faced with an insecurity you can change and have control over, the best thing to do is to address it.

        By improving yourself you build confidence and the insecurity vanishes.

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  • finn
    7 years ago

    I don't think it's an issue. He's just being himself. Just talk about it. Don't blow it out of proportion.

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  • Livedance55
    7 years ago

    Thanks everyone, we talked it over and he wrote a big thing in his phone to remind himself that it's hurtful to me and innaproritate to others as well. Wasn't an everyday thing, but I have faith he will think harder about his "jokes" now that we've talked things over.

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  • ddrftw
    7 years ago

    It doesn't seem like he is directing it towards you but his behavior is just awful. I would probably break up with someone like that.

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  • MoonSniffer
    7 years ago

    If your nasty and fat, and don't take care of yourself don't get mad when people just point out facts.

    I'd slap your ass, but I would not fuck a fatty with your boyfriends eenie weenie...

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  • mysistersshadow
    7 years ago

    I'm not overweight but I still know insensitive jerk when I hear of one. This guy is a loser he has low self esteem and think he has put down other to feel better about his self.

    I think you should cut your loss and move on. Of course know he will talk his shit about you but at least you be rid of him.

    Then you get serious about exercise and diet to get body you want and find a guy that is not like this. You deserve better no matter how your appearance. Good luck.

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    • fluffy1uv
      7 years ago

      That's a little harsh on the bf i think. He would probably never say that kind of stuff to their face. And it's possible he really didn't think about that joke before he said it. I've done that when talking about my bffs gf and he got really offended but i didn't even mean it that way. If it continues though it's definitely an issue

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      • mysistersshadow
        7 years ago

        To there face or not it shows what kind of person he is. Ultimately its up to the OP what kind of person she wants to be with. I wouldn't put up with someone like that. That kind of behavior is toxic and I don't allow toxic ppl in my life.

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        • fluffy1uv
          7 years ago

          That makes sense. It does show a certain lack of empathy for others

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    • MoonSniffer
      7 years ago

      Your worse. Aneroxic. I think the fat bitch should take what she can get. She probably cannot do any better.

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  • Dad
    7 years ago

    Quite obviously this 21yo boy cannot communicate effectively and uses sarcasm and jokes to hide what he really wants to say out loud, generally with 'halve truths' of how he really feels.
    If your boyfriend has said 'fat jokes' about girls your size then you need to lose weight immediately or lose him.

    Some say I can be a bit tactless but I'm happy to stay that way, are you?

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  • Tealights
    7 years ago

    I have mix feelings about this, because you're overreacting and your boyfriend is an ass.

    1. You need to love yourself. You're letting your insecurity get out of hand by taking negative comments said about others so personally. It's one thing to be empathetic, and upset he's making fun of a woman's size, but it shouldn't be crippling you emotionally like this. It's not just your partner who needs to change, it's you too. Love yourself and know that you're beautiful. Lastly, if weight is a huge issue for you personally, strive to lose it for you.

    2. Your boyfriend is an ass. He's clearly upset with his ex still and talking shit about her every chance he gets, even if indirectly.

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