Is it normal that my boyfriend ignores me?

13% Normal
11 Comments

My boyfriend is a busy guy. Early 40s, works a lot in management, has a lot of demands. I know all this, and I empathize. We get only a few hours a week together (a whole day, if I'm lucky). I understand the pressure he's under, but why does he ignore me? We have a great connection and are very much in love. But he's always got his phone with him; how hard is it to send a quick text when he's been so distant? He rarely works past 8 p.m.; I don't know why he can't communicate with me when he's not working. Worst part is, we live literally less than a block away from each other, so there's really no excuse. I've tried (nicely) voicing my thoughts, but nothing has changed. He gets defensive. And before anyone jumps to conclusions, I am not one of those needy, clingy girls. I don't call or text him incessantly. If I don't hear from him, I simply ignore him right back. Problem is, my backing off doesn't help the situation. It just means we talk even less because I, too, have distanced myself.

What does it sound like is going on here? Is it normal for him to go 3-4 days without so much as a word?

Voting Results
13% Normal
Based on 23 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    It sounds like what the other two have said, that it isn't going anywhere and that you are more in to him than the other way around.

    That said, I can understand if he works a lot and is under a lot of stress that he would want to go home and just relax without having to focus on you, as harsh as that sounds.

    You picked him, though. You must of known of his schedules and how much stress his work may put on him and how that would make him be on his free time.

    Honest opinion? Leave the relationship. Even if he is in to you I doubt his ways will change if he is still working the same job and how much time and effort it takes, and the clock is ticking.

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    • cuppycake1228
      9 years ago

      He did not have this job when we met. He was working somewhere else and spent a lot of time with me then.

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        Then it's probably the job. When you are with him do you expect a lot to happen? Fun nights, his attention, I'll even throw sex in there? Sometimes when people have tiring days not even sex is something we want to do, so I would suggest if you haven't already, perhaps spending more time relaxing with one another. If he's coming home say if you two could sit in together, watch a movie together or something until you both fall asleep. If he isn't got enough energy to give you attention or spend time doing things with you, then be together when not putting attention on anything specific and not spending time doing things, if that makes sense.

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        • cuppycake1228
          9 years ago

          When we are together, he prefers to relax. But like I mentioned, he's very sweet and loving and appreciative that I am his "escape" from the demands of his job. He's told me several times that he's so burned out he doesn't know how much longer he can work there. So yes, I know it's the job.

          But why does he never communicate with me? It's now been 4 days since I've gotten a text, and probably a week since he last called. Even just to say hi. If I'm his "escape" that he professes to deeply love and cherish, why am I chopped liver when we aren't in each other's company? Keep in mind he lives literally right down the road from me. He drives right by my apartment building on his way to and from work. It would be easy to stop by just to give me a hug. It's not asking much. He's not the only one negatively affected by this job. It saps the life out of everyone involved.

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          • [Old Memory]
            9 years ago

            I don't know if it'll be the same but I myself tend to take large gaps out of communicating with people I know in life because it can seem like a choir, however you are his partner so he does have a responsibility for the relationship.

            I would suggest ditching the tech way of communication, go over to his more rather than relying on tech to talk with one another, but remember to just keep it a relaxing get together moreso than a pleasurable one if you want the relationship to keep going.

            Honestly, if it continues, I would consider leaving the relationship. The job seems like the issue here and if there's no changes in his job then I doubt there will be a change in how he is unless you mention to him how this is making you feel and that it just seems like the relationship isn't what it used to be. Make it known that you are losing interest but for the love of God don't use it as some sort of weapon because that would be an ender for me if I was him.

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  • coastal
    9 years ago

    It is normal for a man, but not normal for a woman.

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  • cuppycake1228
    9 years ago

    He just finally texted me this morning, after nothing for days. Here's what it said:

    Hello stranger!! Sorry I haven't been in touch lately......work, sleep, work, sleep, etc.....you know my pathetic life.
    Just wanted you to know I miss you and you're always on my mind! Hope you're having a great week!!

    What do you all think? Kind of informal for how shitty it's been for me. I would have liked an "I'll make it up to you", but I've heard that before and they are nothing but empty words.

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  • cuppycake1228
    9 years ago

    I should add that we've been dating about 5 months. When we ARE together (however rarely), he is very loving and tells me I'm beautiful and that he's the luckiest man alive. Our sex life is very hot.

    Should I still worry?

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    • Jeaneathean
      9 years ago

      Possibly. Sounds like you are more into this than he is.

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      • thegypsysailor
        9 years ago

        That was my thought too. Not to be harsh, but it sounds like he sees this more as just sexual hook-up than a real relationship.
        It might be time to move on if this isn't enough for you.

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  • mountain-man82
    9 years ago

    Sounds like its not going anywhere.

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