Is it normal that my boyfriend has 3 'friends" (girls) that he confides in?

40% Normal
29 Comments

My boyfriend has 3 girls that he confides in. He talks to them about his problems. I recently found emails to one girlfriend (by accident) that he contacts often, tells her he misses her, and can't wait to see her when she visits in August, and ends every correspndence with "love". He just got a divorce in November, and started contacting her right after the divorce.

I told him this was crossing the line. He said he would change, that he would not emotionally cheat anymore, and he would talk to me about emotional problems instead of with his harem of women friends.

Two days later he told me again he didn't think talking to his "friends" all the time was a big deal. I told him I couldn't handle it, and if he wants a group of women, then I'm gone. I do not think he will change.

is it normal for a guy to have a group of "old girlfriends" that he talks to about emotional issues? Or should I let him go.

Voting Results
40% Normal
Based on 90 votes (36 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 29 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago | pl

    It's normal for a guy to have other friends that were girls. Personally I would never be with a girl that told me I couldn't have other friends that are girls because its controlling and telling me who I can be friends with.

    What is more concerning is ending things with "love" or if he ever complains to them about you would be a bad sign.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    8
    8
      -
    • davesumba
      10 years ago

      There is so much hypocrisy going on this story. It's perfectly okay for a girl to have infinite guy friends, who probably even flirt with them all the time. And it's okay for a girl to have girl friends to confide in, and complain to about their boyfriends (and tell them your FALSE side of the story to make them look like big assholes so your friends turn on them). But a man can't have girl friends to talk to (and talk to ONLINE in this case)?

      Fuck
      Bitches

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      -2
      -2
        -
      • Anonymous Post Author
        10 years ago

        See my comments below. You obviously have never been on the other side of this issue. Guys can talk to guys and there are a lot of nice guys out there with good advice. Women are catty and competitive and only hurt the situation with their "advice".

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        -1
        -1
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Gay or epic cheater? Who knows, that's the fun!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
  • Holzman67
    10 years ago

    I have more than 3 friends who are girls who I can confide anything in. I've grown up with them and I am closer with them than anything. If I got into a relationship I don't think much would change because I have a crazy sense of loyalty to them through them helping me through the hardest periods of my life.

    So I dunno. If you think he has an alterior motive that he is somehow sexually interested in them, then thats not cool. But some people have really close friends of the opposite gender so you have to be careful.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      What if you were married. Do you think it is ok to talk to girlfriends instead of your wife?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Karmasbitch
    10 years ago

    This was difficult, I have girls that I confide in as well, I have more girls that are my good friends than I do guys. I'm a guy btw.
    So I can kinda understand where he's coming from, but at the same time, I can see where you're coming from too..I find this tricky to answer.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      What if you were married? Would you still confide in your women friends?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Karmasbitch
        10 years ago

        Probably not, no.
        If I felt that my wife wasn't emotionally available, for me to confide in, I would look for others to confide in. But it really does depend on the situation. If it hurt my wife I wouldn't do it..

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
    • myboyfriendsbitch
      10 years ago

      How's karma been treating you lately?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Karmasbitch
        10 years ago

        Karmas been in my favor lately! Yourself?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • myboyfriendsbitch
          10 years ago

          Good for you! Fairly neutral lately for myself.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          1
          1
            -
          • Karmasbitch
            10 years ago

            Well that's not bad!

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • ObsessedWithReedus
    10 years ago

    I don't mean any disrespect, but I think you are overracting just a tad bit.

    Consider the fact that maybe he confides in them instead of you is because he is confiding ABOUT YOU. You said he has already been divorced, so maybe when a decision or conflict arises in your relationship he turns to them for advice on how to make it work.

    Plus, if they are friends he has had for awhile, you cannot just try to take close friends away from him, that is unfair, and in turn, unhealthy for the relationship you two share.

    I understand where you're coming from, but I think it's ok.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Confiding in them instead of me or about me is the relationship breaker. It weakens the ties we have with each other.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • davesumba
    10 years ago

    Yes it is 150% normal. Men also realize that other men are assholes, and women can make nice, caring friends.
    I have one really good gal friend and we tell each other we miss and love each other right in front of her boyfriend that we all know she's going to marry. He's not the least bit insecure about it, and neither should you.

    He isn't crossing the line at all. You are being a crazy jealous bitch, and I hope he leaves you. I have no sympathy for people like you in this world. You know what, do HIM the favor and leave him as soon as possible, because he probably doesn't want to be with your bitch ass anyway, but he's too nice of a guy to hurt your feelings like that.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
      -
    • AbnormallyAwesome
      10 years ago | pl

      I too believe that a man can have female friends that he loves in a platonic way. But the rest you said was just unnecessary and rude.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      6
      6
        -
      • davesumba
        10 years ago

        If I thought there was a chance that the OP might listen to me, then I would have gone without the rude part. But I can tell that the OP is a bitch who is just waiting for enough hypocritical girls to agree with her, so that she can justify dumping her boyfriend who isn't doing anything wrong. And I can't express my hate for bitches enough.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          You know nothing about me. I am a caring woman who considers other people before myself. When a man has to go out with other women, or confide in them it weakens his sexual relationship. It is the beginning of the end.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          -1
          -1
  • Anonymous Post Author
    10 years ago

    @davesumba
    You obviously have an unresolved issue about this. You are so angry about "jealous bitches" that don't like to share their men with other women.

    When a man is in a relationship his first responsibility is to his girlfriend who he is having sex with. Not other girls that he confides in no matter how long they have been friends. . Confiding in friends of the opposite sex about your girlfriend is the first step to breaking up.

    How old are you anyway? Obviously not old enough to give anyone advice about men and women being platonic friends. Good luck in love.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Anonymous Post Author
    10 years ago

    Just to update everyone about this. I found out my boyfriend has been having an affair with one of his "friends". I was trying to stop this from happening to save the relationship. Emotionally cheating is a valid concern.

    I think everyone who said they think it's fine for boys to have girlfriends to confide in must be under the age of 23. When you become more serious in relationships it doesn't work. He is gone now and is probably lying to his "friend" about his other girls. He just wanted a variety of women in his life to boost his ego. I see this now.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • howaminotmyself
    10 years ago

    Maybe you should change.

    Why is it such an issue for him to have a deep emotional bond with someone other than you? Where does it say you are only allowed one at a time. It is healthy to have these types of connections with people. These people are known as close friends. To deny it causes problems, as you are evidence of that.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • IrishPotato
    10 years ago

    I think you're overreacting a bit.

    His friends, are actually his friends. He confides in them because he cares about them and they care about him.

    You telling him he can't have those friends is basically an open invitation to a breakup.
    Trust me hunny, ending letters with "love", is nothing to worry about.

    Personally, I have way more female friends then male friends, and that's entirely normal.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • myboyfriendsbitch
    10 years ago

    I'd say it all depends on the guy. When I was dating, some guys i didn't care a bit about them having female friends, but others would make me worry. The situation you've described doesn't sound so bad to me. Some guys just seem to have a personality that attracts many female friends. Only you know if you are overreacting or if you can trust him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • justagay
    10 years ago

    I agree with SakredSmoke, it is most definitely a call for concern. No guy I know (including me, and I'm a rather sensitive guy) wouldn't use those terms.
    Especially if I was in a relationship, I think you should be honest and direct about how you feel about it. Sounds like something is going on.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • SakredSmoke
    10 years ago

    'Love' and 'miss' aren't words most guys use to friends, trust me. This guys up to no good.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -3
    -3
      -
    • davesumba
      10 years ago

      Please don't trust this person. Nice guys are allowed to have female friends, and if they are like me, they prefer to have female friends. Guys also realize that other guys are jerks/assholes, and that females can make nice, caring friends.

      These people are strictly his friends.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I'm pretty sure his "girlfriends" are jealous of you too.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -2
    -2
  • Hottigene
    10 years ago

    I dont know how these people can call you names and stick up for him when they dont even know him who knows he could be another Ted Bindy but guys who talk like that to a lady should never have one you idiots are surely not Gentlemen your CADS!!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -4
    -4