Is it normal that my boyfriend doesn't trust me when i haven't done anything?

75% Normal
18 Comments

So I've been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months, but we have known each other for two years.

He knows that I am close friends with my ex, and he said that he is uncomfortable being around the two of us together, which I understand. But I made it clear that I wasn't going to be told who I can and can't see.

I would never put my boyfriend in a position where he had to be around the two of us, but I let him know when I would hangout with my ex (not alone, always with a group). But my boyfriend would still get upset and say how much it bothers him, and I just felt like he didn't trust me one bit.

So a separate incident happened where he had seen some email over my shoulder, though he claims he wasn't trying to look, and he asked me about it. I told him the truth, it was an email from a kid in my class about a group project, but he just didn't believe me.

Side note: when we started hanging out, he told me all about his ex and how crazy she was and how she cheated on him a bunch, so I know that has a lot to do with his inability to trust me. I can't help but think that that is what he will say about me if we break up regardless.

I love my boyfriend, but I don't know if I can handle his distrust. I'm also very afraid to break up with him because he is so in love with me, and we have been together for a long time (the 2 years, not the 5 months) and I know that if we break up, he won't even want to be my friend.

Voting Results
75% Normal
Based on 24 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • Steven2.1
    8 years ago

    Dump the weak and foolish excuse for a man and get on with your life.

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  • Tealights
    8 years ago

    He's insecure.

    Your boyfriend has a lot of unresolved feelings about his previous relationship, and instead of taking the time to get over it and move on, he's subconsciously reliving his previous relationship and treating you like his cheating ex.

    Basically, you got to break up with him. He needs to spend time alone, heal from that relationship, and grow up. Otherwise, your relationships is going to be like a prison, you're the inmate and he's the warden, and you're being punish for another person's crime.

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    • Big_Nigga_Payday
      8 years ago

      According to your profile, you are in a "relationship". Does the person you are in a relationship with hang out with their ex's?

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      • Tealights
        8 years ago

        Yeah, and I trust him wholeheartedly. He's been on good terms with his exes way before he met me.

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  • CDmale4fem
    8 years ago

    Im gonna go an entire different direction here, my thoughts- they say a skunk smells his own spray first. Meaning that if hes coming across all jealous and shit for you having friends, then maybe you should try having someone watch and follow him for a day or 2 when your in school or work. Im a guy and usually guys will make a big shit fit stink because they are the one being not nice (cheatin, flirtin, getting some strange on the side). Some guys really honestly feel a sense of entitlement and that it should be law that they be allowed to cheat and get away with it. I know a couple people (friends?) I use the term loosely, The last couple months they have sworn up and down that I stole some really ridiculous petty stuff from them. Yet she still calls or texts me every day for something, I sold them some stuff and waited like 9 months for payment, she swears up and down they paid me for items, but no reciepts. I told her shes lying her ass off. But in reality I had a 1922 silver dollar come up missing out of my truck, and I see her "lifting" things from others. So My point being people try like hell to shift focus away from themself whatever it takes as long as they feel justified in saying "I was the victim" and then

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  • 53739
    8 years ago

    Exes usually cause a ton of drama. Sometimes people can remain friends after breaking up, and if that's the case then fine, but I don't blame your boyfriend for being suspicious, especially since he got cheated on in his previous relationship. But he should also be able to trust you.

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  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    I'm with Steve. Without trust you are just fooling yourself if you believe you have a chance at a lasting relationship. Anyway, who needs all that pressure?

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  • Semen
    8 years ago

    If you really love him ,you will stay far from your EX (is past) how can you still wanna hang with your ex that means you didn't move on .if i was your bf i wouldn't allow such thing , he has a right to be mad.

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      "Allow"?? This is supposed to be a relationship between two adults, allowing or not allowing the other to do anything should have no place in it.

      Just as a matter of interest, what would you do if a gf took no notice of what you did or didn't allow and would she have the same rights in relation to you?

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      • Big_Nigga_Payday
        8 years ago

        Ex's cant be friends Ellenna. The very nature of what they shared means that feelings can always develop again.

        Its very immature and unhealthy to delude yourself into thinking that, and the OP showed how immature she is by actually thinking she could be friends after a breakup.

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        • SportMontana
          8 years ago

          I'm great friends with two of my ex's and there is no tension whatsoever. we were friends before we dated and we are friends now.....

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          • Big_Nigga_Payday
            8 years ago

            Are you dating anyone seriously now? Casually?

            Do you think you will eventually want to find a monogamous relationship?

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        • Ellenna
          8 years ago

          Given that mature healthy relationships consist of much more than the sexual component, I can never understand why more couples can't continue to be friends when they're no longer sexual: it just doesn't make sense to me.

          I'm not deluding myself about anything: I've been around a long time now and I do know that this can be achieved although I admit it doesn't work in most cases because there's usually been some sort of dishonesty which caused the end of the sexual component of the relationship.

          It seemed clear to me that OP and her ex are friends: it's her current partner who can't deal with it

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          • Big_Nigga_Payday
            8 years ago

            And the current partner doesn't have an obligation to deal with it either. There are 2 schools of thought here. Just being respectful of another person's relations with others AND not being able to move forward in life without closure from past relations/exchanges/events.

            Nobody is really right or wrong. Human interactions are complicated.

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  • theseeker
    8 years ago

    Being "close" friends with your ex while in a relationship usually doesn't work. It basically leaves the door wide open for a connection to be triggered again with your ex and a lot of times that's exactly what happens in these situations.

    I would feel very uncomfortable as well. In my opinion, it's difficult to imagine how a relationship could work in that kind of scenario.

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  • CDmale4fem
    8 years ago

    Comes the sympathy, tell them if they want sympathy, its in the dictionary between shit and syphillis.

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  • CountessDouche
    8 years ago

    Would you be ok with him hanging out with an ex girlfriend?

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    • SportMontana
      8 years ago

      yeah, he does hangout with his ex sometimes, as long as its in a group. same as me and mine. The difference is that he always talks shit on her, and he thinks that because i dont talk shit about my ex that I still have feelings for him, but I dont.

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