Is it normal that my bf went to dinner with his ex?

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14 Comments

I love my boyfriend to death. I would never ask of him to not be friends with a girl, but this relationship took a weird turn in my opinion:

It was his birthday on a Sunday and he swore up and down he didn't want to go to dinner or do anything special for his birthday. I was out of a job at the time and wanted to take him to dinner on Friday, so I had been cleaning houses to make extra cash. I made reservations a week in advance because he agreed to dinner once he heard the story. The day of, he says he doesn't want to go. He just wanted a beer by himself and maybe a buddy.

Then Sunday comes along and his ex-friend with benefits from college who is now just his "best friend" calls him up and says, "I want to take you to dinner." And he's up for it because it was just Chili's and not a place they would need a reservation at. So he drives 25 minutes out of his way to go meet up with her. Without me.

Maybe I'm being crazy; that's what he says. But I just think they could have invited me. Or he could have given her the same excuse he gave me. It just seems kind of crappy he would go to dinner with her and not me.

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15% Normal
Based on 48 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    Seems like your boyfriend, whom you love to death, is a loser and you need to start making plans to move on. I think he already is doing so.

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    • C4j07
      9 years ago

      This happened about six months ago. We have a great relationship and we're best friends. I trust him. I guess more of what my question is, should I trust this friendship alone after events like this happened? I hate to think that I'm keeping him from being friends with someone just because of something frivolous.

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      • (s)aint
        9 years ago

        I am too jealous but there's such a thing as being too naive ... He should most certainly have invited you to come as well or decline her offer as he declined yours.

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  • pastor_of_muppets
    9 years ago

    You two live together, yeah? You currently have no job?
    Well... although it would be easier for me to jump on the band wagon and agree with the others... I am gonna take a step back and reason this out..

    If two people live together, although it can already be considered a serious commitment, it can also start to get old really fast. Sharing everything with the same person day in and day out.. time, space, things.. maybe he just needed his alone time for a change..and he is such a nice guy and does not want to hurt your feelings by telling you that he doesn't want you to waste the little money you have on him.

    You know about him going to Chili's with his ex.. So he told you. That's how much he trusts you - he's not hiding it. Maybe he just needed to talk to another female.

    Look, you sound like a very nice girl with decency and good morals, but sometimes even that can get too much. Always wanting to treat him and always wanting to be in his company and cuddle him to death. It gets overbearing, I can imagine.

    I don't think he is cheating on you, for what it's worth... I just think you might be smothering him and he doesn't wanna tell you because he doesn't wanna hurt your heart

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    • C4j07
      9 years ago

      Re-reading your post, though...it starts to make more sense. Thank you.

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      • pastor_of_muppets
        9 years ago

        It's only a pleasure..
        Like you said, you trust him and know he won't cheat on you. You know him better than all of us, so I tend to trust your judgment rather than people with funny usernames'.
        I think you'll be alright. I got a good feeling about this.
        So don't let things eat you inside because pretty soon that meatball on your shoulders will feel like a world. Just talk to him about your feelings :)

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    • C4j07
      9 years ago

      We do not live together. And, six months ago, when this happened, I didn't have a job. Now I have an amazing job that I've been at for five months and have been excelling exponentially at. He has not had any contact with her since this happened. But, like I said, if she truly is his best friend, I don't want to keep him from her. I don't ask him to do anything different with my best guy friend. I just don't trust the female gender. So maybe it's my own hang ups and insecurities. I know he isn't cheating on me. But I just feel like that was a weird thing to do.

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    • Ellenna
      9 years ago

      Oh so of course it's her fault he's giving her the run around is it?

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  • TareBear20
    9 years ago

    You sound cool and I feel like you deserve more of an explanation then a runaround from this guy. What he did was wrong, because he declined a dinner with his own girlfriend and then went out to a crappier restaurant with someone else and that is why it's suspicious. You aren't clear about how you found out, though did he tell you himself or did you hear from an outside source? Hanging out with other people, including girls is ok and you obviously already feel that way, which makes me want to devote some time to help you out, so just get back to me when you can and we'll go from there. :)

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  • Fall_leaves
    9 years ago

    You're his girlfriend, you already made reservations for dinner and he canceled last minute and then went to dinner last minute with his ex. Something's not adding up, I agree with you, that's kind of shitty. Yeah friends is fine but you're his girlfriend, she's his ex, it just sounds sketchy? Who was his buddy he went out with?

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    • C4j07
      9 years ago

      His best friend who I've met multiple times and have his phone number. Completely trust him, big nerd, sweet guy, getting a PhD. I know he wouldn't let my boyfriend do anything stupid. And I know my boyfriend wouldn't do anything stupid. I just don't trust the female gender...

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      • Ellenna
        9 years ago

        Oh come on, did she have a gun to his head?

        I'd be VERY concerned if a so-called bf refused to go out with me but accepted an invitation from an ex instead. How do you know this was the sequence of events? Maybe he already had the other arrangement going when he went back on his outing with you at the last minute?

        I think it's OK he goes to dinner with whoever he wants but it's not OK to stuff you around: if you're his gf aren't you supposed to come first with him?

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  • pizzabrowniesushi
    9 years ago

    my dad used to do this to my mom and all his ex wives when he wanted them to fight over him ! very nonchalant tell him he needs to make up his mind or at least clue you in to what is going on?

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    At least he didn't set it up on YOUR phone to lure her to his apartment afterwards, under the guise of helping him carry the 50in LED tv u let him borrow! then fuck the shit out of her. ::grumbles incoherently::

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