Is it normal that my bf talks says one thing to others and another to me?

26% Normal
12 Comments

My bf is always talking bad about me to pretty much everyone especially when we are arguing, but when we settle our argument and try to move forward he's still talking bad about me to all of those people. Don't get me wrong I don't really care what others think especially complete strangers but still it makes me wonder why in the world are you saying all of those things trying to make me out to be something I'm not for one and for two it seems that he is always trying to punish me for what his exes did to him. I feel that if he cannot get past his issues with all of that than our relationship is never going to work. I love him and he and I have been through hell and back several times but this is just becoming to much for me and talking to him about it seems to get me nowhere. What do I do? I really want this to work but if things don't change I really don't think that it's going to:(

Voting Results
26% Normal
Based on 31 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • buzzybimaybe
    8 years ago

    okay I don't know who you are anything like that but just went through the relationship just like if the exit that Megan later I know you're not going to change them at all before gets longer and to

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  • fartonmyface
    11 years ago

    Is this an online relationship? Lol..

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  • Moonbow
    11 years ago

    There's something seriously wrong with this guy. The smartest thing you could do is dump his ass but if you won't do that, try to get him to seek professional help. Whatever you do, don't get pregnant by him or marry him because the "talking bad" about you is just a prelude to worse things to come.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I don't say anything behind her back or talk shit about her. Seems like she has no problems starting threads about me though. And again, I ask, please stop starting threads about me.

    And when and where did I "talk bad about you"? Because I have no idea what you are talking about and I'm a bit offended you started another thread, again, bashing me even though I have asked you not to several times.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      let me remind you of the I hate my gf thread you made obviously when you were drunk. Most of that shit you put on there is bullshit, not that you'll admit that on here. I mean really grant only got you one gift you had to pay for. We both know that's a crock of shit. I've done a whole hell of a lot for you when you were down on your luck and you've done things too. and about your parents? They tell me something completely different than what you say that they are saying. When are you going to realize that everyone is here to help you but I will not sacrifice my self-respect or self-worth for anyone.I will not act like I'm a doormat or anyone's emotional punching bag. I'm here to listen and help. I didn't do that when we first got together and I'm not going to do that now. Respect goes both ways. and like now were getting along but how long is it going to last before you find some other reason to get mad at me and start an argument. I'm trying here and I excuse a lot of shit because I know you have health issues and other issues too, but sometimes I need someone to lean on and sometimes I need someone I can trust completely to every extent. You are not understanding that trust can be broken in many different ways other than your definition which is cheating. I've never done that to you and I've never gone one any web-site or talked to anyone of my friends or family members the way that you have talked about me. And you know what it hurts and makes me feel betrayed. Your suppose to be my best-friend, my fiancee. But in order for this to work both of us need to come to an understanding. That's why I say we are two different people. I was taught that you don't talk behind anyone's back you say what you have to say to there face. You resolve it like adults. But for three very good reasons, you know what I'm talking about, I just cannot seem to talk to you about anything. The only time is when I'm getting drunk with you and we stay up til dawn. While I like those talks we have I don't really like to drink and it seems to me that that's the only way I can get through to you anymore. and sometimes not even then:(

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  • chloeeeislovex
    11 years ago

    i would call him out on what he says behind your back - ask him why. maybe he just wants sympathy, or maybe he's just self concious about his choice in women because of his exes and needs his friends to be wary too.

    i would just talk to him - and if he can't behave then ditch him. sounds like a waste of time and effort to be with someone who doesn't seem to value your relationship.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      Two sides to every story, if she valued what I have to say she would ask me rather than start threads about it again. It may be easy for you to give advice to "ditch someone" because you don't know who we are, what we have been through or even my side of the story.

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  • Short4Words
    11 years ago

    How do you approach him when this sorta thing comes up?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I try to talk to him but it really doesn't get anywhere. He usually walks away and says "I never do anything to make you happy" I do value what he says but he never values how horrible it makes me feel when he says those things. It becomes an immature kind of argument and usually doesn't get resolved because he keeps throwing past arguments or things he was upset about in my face and totally going off the issue at hand. Basically I've tried just about every different approach I can think of and it all ends up in an insane back and forth between us. I don't know how to fix it so that both of us feel that our points are heard and understood and make it so a compromise can be met without one or the other feeling like their sacrifice is more so than the other. I'm the go to person so to speak for all of my friends and family when they have issues they need to resolve in their lives but not for my own. I just cannot seem to find a way to resolve the issues in this relationship.
      Really I would like to see my bf say something nice about our relationship not sit their and bitch behind my back and then get mad when I get on here or talk with my mother asking for advice to help resolve things.

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      • Short4Words
        11 years ago

        Now this isn't the same thing, but it's the best I can do. I used to argue with my father, A LOT. We would butt heads all the time. I found when we argued, it we would start over the smallest thing, and then a bunch of other non-relevant things would come up and it would blow up. The only thing that really saved our relationship was when he lost his leg, and I started empathizing more, and I dropped out of school, and we both realized that life is to valuable to pettily argue about small stuff, and get into rough shape over these things.

        I think what you guys need to do, is ignore the little things that annoy you both, and start admitting that you might be treating your partner in way that they don't like, to yourself, and to each other. It's not right that you talk to your friends about these issues, if you aren't trying to come to resolution, shameless bashing is just going to make things worse. Even if you feel like the victim, don't be one, don't choose spite, because every time you do, you miss out on the chance to understand each other.

        I think you need to ask each other what you need out of the relationship if you want it to work and instead of trying to take the moral high ground, you should both work towards those goals. That is one way I see you guys making a compromise. Make it clear what you need from eachother, what needs to start, what needs to stop, within reason. And if you screw up, apologize, but don't say hey look, I'm doing good aren't I? Just own it. Make each other proud, and happy :)

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      She'd rather start a thread behind my back then ask me anything. She does not value what I have to say.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    If i recall correctly....1.Slavery: Lincoln stated emphatically that he had "...no purpose, directly or indirectly, to interfere with the institution of slavery in the States where it exists. I believe I have no lawful right to do so, and I have no inclination to do so."

    2.Legal status of the South: He asserted that as he had just taken an oath "to preserve, protect, and defend the United States Constitution," this oath enjoined him to see that the laws of the Union were faithfully executed in all states—including those that had seceded.

    3.Use of force: Lincoln promised that there would be no use of force against the South, unless it proved necessary for him to fulfill his obligation to "hold, occupy, and possess the property and places" belonging to the federal government, and to collect legal duties and imposts. However, if the South chose to actively take up arms against the Government, their insurrection would meet a firm and forceful response.

    4.Secession: Referring to words in the preamble to the Constitution, Lincoln stated that the Constitution was established "to form a more perfect union" than the Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union had effected. Since the Union established under the Articles was explicitly perpetual in name and text, thus the Union under the Constitution was equally perpetual. He added that even if the Constitution were to be construed as a simple contract, it could not be legally rescinded without an agreement between all parties, meaning all of the states, North and South.

    5.Protection of slavery: Lincoln explicitly stated that he had no objection to the proposed Corwin amendment to the Constitution, which had already been approved by both houses of the United States Congress. This amendment would formally protect slavery in those states in which it already existed, and assure to each state the right to establish or repudiate it. Lincoln indicated that he thought that this right was already protected in the original Constitution, and thus that the Corwin amendment merely reiterated what it already contained.

    6.Slavery in the Territories: Lincoln asserted that nothing in the Constitution expressly said what either could or could not be done regarding slavery in the territories. He indicated his willingness to enforce the Fugitive Slave Act, so long as free blacks could be protected from being kidnapped and illegally sold into slavery through its misuse.

    7.The postal service: The U.S. Mails would continue to operate throughout the South, "unless repelled."

    8.Federal offices in the South: With no professional civil service in operation during this period of American history, Lincoln promised that he would not use the spoils system to appoint Northern office-holders to federal offices, such as postmasterships, located in the Southern states. Instead, said he, he would "forego the use of such offices" rather than force "obnoxious strangers" upon the South.

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