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Its almost natural for me to feel bad about something I am almost happier to be sad. Being happy isn't hard for me. Fitting in kind of is but sadness is comfortable almost.
Misery is so comfortable because it is so easy. Overweight and unhappy about how you look? Don't diet and exercise, just complain and be miserable about it.
It's the default state of being human. It takes effort and risk to be happy, though it is certainly worth it.
I don't mean to come across as rude, but that perspective is irrational, though common. It assumes that the things people want are reasonably accomplishable for anyone. Obviously, that's not true. There are many things we even believe people ought to have which they just don't: like protection from governments that torture citizens; or access to clean drinking water; or freedom from international conflicts between states which nonetheless deprive people of homes, family, secure infrastructure, and even lives. Just as examples. And it's demonstrable that putting forth "effort and risk" doesn't stop any of these major life events beyond individuals' control.
And about matters most of us consider trivial--like heavy people and their dissatisfaction over their looks and the way others treat them. Again, asserting they should work to make themselves happy, while it's a common (and no offense, but lazy) response, is bogus. Medical science has over the past five years alone shown how overweight individuals very often are fighting a genetic and neurological battle the rest of us simply cannot conceive of because our brains work differently. No reasonable person would say to an alcoholic or drug addict in the midst of addiction who has to be around alcohol or drugs ever day, "just work hard to be happy." There are very significant social and medial factors that influence what appears to be these people's choices--but which modern science is showing to be more of a physiological response that profoundly influences choice.
I know this isn't the place for a debate, but this topic really gets me going because yet another source of bias that builds a cultural fake truth is the assumption that there is an objectively right way to look at life and to live. Some cultures aren't as look-on-the-bright-side as ours, and there's absolutely no objective reason people must be "positive." There are even psychology studies that demonstrate that our culture is unreasonably positive even during times when objectively positivity is not warranted, like during end-of-life decision making. So what that someone feels miserable. We're not in her shoes, so our judgments of her and her choices are irrelevant.
Live your life so you're happy, sure. But your judgments on how other people live their lives lack any merit outside of constituting your opinions. Again, don't mean to be rude.
Your point, not rude though not very concise, is in regards to control. Your argument is that some people are in no position to fix their misery on their own accord. That I don't have the right to make such a blanket statement on how to achieve happiness because everyone's circumstances are different.
You've explained difficulties that get in the way of a person achieving happiness, but these difficulties are just that. Impediments able to be overcome through effort and risk. The effort and risk required for happiness is obviously far less if your needs are already met and you feel safe and loved. That doesn't invalidate my original statement.
Really what we're going into is about the human condition, and I think you overstate cultural factors. You mention that since we're not 'in her shoes' that our judgements have no relevancy. That's a line of thinking that I hope no doctor or psychiatrist has. We all judge people, our judgements just have different merits. In your example, I would certainly take a psychiatrist's opinion over my own.
The experience of misery is a matter of perspective, so no one else's perspective on a particular matter has any objective merit. You have a "right" to make blanket statements, but like many such statements, on further inspection they fail to produce generalizable, valid conclusions.
No, "these difficulties are [not] just that." And, yes, if an obstacle transcends an individual's ability to cope, then your original statement is invalidated. We all recognize the physical limitations to matter--steel bends irreparably under sufficient load. Wood breaks under sufficient stress. It's an error in reasoning to assume that the mind, because we cannot see what gives it its integrity, is fundamentally different. More, because we're all a bit different, we make assumptions about others based on our own life experiences and values. None of that, however, is objective reasoning.
No, I do not overstate cultural factors. Psychiatry as a field is in quite a bit of trouble for the very reason that more and more molecular and neuroscientists are publishing data that the mind results from a causal interplay between its physical components--including genes making those components--and life experiences. And there is a lot evidence from across several different sciences that the brain is like any other organ--that it can be damaged and break from too great stresses, and that each brain has, like each composite material, its set elasticity beyond which strains are permanent and cumulatively destructive.
Again, I mean no offense, but your perspective about how people should respond to their own life circumstance, though I'll give you the benefit of the doubt it comes from a place of wanting to help, isn't supported by cognitive neuroscience or other brain-sciences, though it's common in pop psychology. That we all do or think something doesn't argue that it's valid or even effective, only that it's common.
Excuse me for choosing comprehensiveness over conciseness. I hope if anyone who's struggling reads an exchange like this one she or he will recognize there are alternative ways of understanding people's responses to misery than the common one you've given. Cheers.
Wow! Much appreciated. I know what I need to do. Thank you! I'm in the work of it all