Is it normal that me and my mother hate each other but are too similar?

75% Normal
4 Comments

My parents are married and I have 3 siblings. Since I have memory, I never felt like I "belonged" here in my family... so I ended up having quite a depressing life so far. I have nothing in common with anyone in my family, and they usually mistreat me and make me take care of everything. I am the second youngest sibling... yet... I always had to be the one to take care (like a babysitter) of everyone here. Now that my father is older, I have to take care of him too.

I always ended up arguing with my mother, because she never made the effort to make my siblings or my father more self-sufficient. Besides, she was usually the one forcing me to take care of everyone. I always tell my mother I am not a "family person", and that as soon as I get a job I will go away forever and make a new life.

Recenly... I noticed that the relationship between my mother and her family is quite similar to mine. Even now, her sister, brother and cousins depend on her a lot. She doesn't even have anything in common with them, they can't even talk to her about the stuff she likes and they aren't really friendly to her either... yet, she always end up helping everyone...

My mother is not that young anymore... so I guess she always wanted me to fit her role once she dies... I can see in her eyes that she despises me because I won't do that... We have actually talked about this many times, and I always tell her that I don't want to have a sad life for the rest of my years... She recognizes that she is not happy with her life... but feels like people like me and her are "destined" to live for other people...

So... what do you think about all this?

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75% Normal
Based on 12 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    It sucks for you, really, but it sounds like your mother was beaten into a corner. Somewhere along the way, she thought that doing things for others will make them love/accept her , and while focusing on that, after a while she gave up on herself. It's sad, no? She doesn't really value herself, if she's letting people walk all over her.

    I think in a skewed backwards way, she is trying to relate to you. She has probably sensed that you are a "giver" and more sensitive, like she once was. I don't think she's exploiting that to hurt you, as hurtful and demeaning as it may feel.

    You have the right idea, being "selfless" is just plain stupid.

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago

      This.

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  • Justsomejerk
    11 years ago

    Get as far away as you can, Baby Boomers are living longer and longer and the son/daughter that lives closest has to take care of them. Im a selfish jerk but I would leave the country before its too late.

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  • unkn0wnperson
    11 years ago

    That's so annoying. I'm sorry for you. I hope that you can save and move out. I'm not saying leave your family behind, no, but you have to step up and start your own life the way you want it too. I hate when people say it's "destiny"...well get up and do something about it. If life challenges you, fight it back, don't just sit there and watch and say oh it's destiny. It's not your fault I know that, but you can't watch your years of life just pass by doing the same thing over and over again that doesn't give you a different result anytime. I actually kinda understand you too, because I'm very not like my family either. Ever since my teenage years I've been putting up with so many things and I'm kinda fed up now. But I still have hope that this won't last forever and trying to make a big change when I think is the time.

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