Is it normal that masturbating sometimes makes me a little sad?

I know I know, it puts a slightly funny image in my mind too, a man with cheeto crumbs on his shirt wank'n it with a tears spewing out of his eyes as he grabs tissue to wipe his cum, tears, and blow his nose all at once.

My sadness isn't anywhere near that level ( at least yet lol) But sometimes ( emphasis on "sometimes" as often i feel rather happy) i just feel a bit sad about masturbating, like its a lil bit of a pleasure chore that brings me kind of an empty happiness and ultimately just reminds me about how I'm alone and how much I long to be in love with someone or reminds me of past lovers and the happiness they brought to my life before it all ended.

I can see her face in my mind roughly outlined in ghostly ever-changing form, this woman that would be perfect for me, but where is she and will i ever find her in this great big world.

is it normal ?