Is it normal that it's so hard meeting people when i don't have close friends?

89% Normal
14 Comments

Unlike a lot of people I don't have many opportunities to go out with a group. The job I work is very solitary and after work I don't have much energy to do much else during the week.

On the weekend, 99% of the time I'm by myself just trying to keep myself occupied. I might go to the mall or try to catch up on errands during the day and then on very rare occasions hang out at a bar at night. Sometimes I look for an event or show or festival I can visit, but it's always just me.

Because I don't have a network of friends I can reach out to, I'm almost never in a situation where I can meet new people. If I do go out I just end up being a wallflower because alone I feel so out of place. If I'm lucky I can strike up a conversation with a stranger, but it doesn't go any further than that. When I'm out I rarely see others like me who are alone and everyone else seems to be carrying on with a large group of friends. That makes me feel even more isolated.

I've been trying for years to get absorbed into another group of friends but it never seems to happen. A few times I've been able to insert myself in another group but as soon as I let up a little to see if they might reach out to me without me bugging them, it's like they forget I exist and then I'm right back to where I started.

Voting Results
89% Normal
Based on 28 votes (25 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    Obviously, you are not happy with how things are, so do something about it and change things.
    I would suggest volunteering in your free time at a zoo, school, old folks home, homeless or animal shelter. I know you said you are too tired, but you are just going to have to push yourself, if you want to change your life.
    Or you could do nothing, and maintain exactly as you are doing now; and post on here every so often about how crappy your life is.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I do have a few activities outside of work that I'm involved in, but I have a hard time connecting with anyone else there.

      If I do reach out to them, I always get an "Oh I'm busy, I have other plans." And I can't remember the last time when someone texted me without me pinging them first.

      It seems like no one has time to develop relationships anymore and everyone just sticks to their own circles, leaving me in the cold.

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      • thegypsysailor
        10 years ago

        It just doesn't make sense to me. People are by nature gregarious; they seek the company of others.
        Perhaps you need to get beyond your "comfort zone" which is why I suggested the volunteering. Someplace so outside your experience you require help from others, which is a pretty easy way to get folks to open up to you. Everybody loves to share their passions with others. For me it's sailing, for instance.

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  • ???:-p
    10 years ago

    Your not alone there! I work night so I have allk day to my self, and my mates all work days so I never get to meet people anymore!

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  • myboyfriendsbitch
    10 years ago

    That does sound very lonely. It's ok to be alone sometimes. I think in addition to joining some type of club where you are forced to interact with others (bingo, art/craft club, etc. whatever your interests are) you should practice being comfortable with your own company. Also, I've never tried this before, but craigslist offers personals for people looking for a platonic relationship with someone.

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  • zack23
    7 years ago

    It is very hard for men to meet new friends. It is all to do with sex. I know girl who had moved to a new town, joined a sports club to meet people and it happened instantly.

    As a young single women she was socially valuable. All the guys wanted to talk to her, so meeting people was easy.

    There is no shortage of single men, so they have less social value. It is not fair, but it is how the world works.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    i like the volunteering comment cause thats what i'd say. what have you got to lose and much to gain. try it and do other things such as joining an interest group bushwalking for instance ..and also dont be afraid to ask girls out cause so many are lonely and want a boyfriend. goodluck

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  • bobby123
    10 years ago

    the best way to get new friends i joining some free time activities, that can be sports or whatever your interests are, that way you'll meet people that share that interest with you, and instead of thinking they completely will reach out for you, try doing it half instead, like asking if they are up for something, and they'll maybe invite you to something

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  • DiamondGirl
    10 years ago

    Are u a male or a female? and what is your age?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I'm a guy. 28.

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      • DiamondGirl
        10 years ago

        Well you should have no problem hookin up, I know it's hard now, the only way to meet people is on the internet. and u don't know who your really dealin with. Anyway do you have a girlfriend at least. R u looking just to hang out? or have like a close friend? Be more specific?

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          No I don't have a girlfriend. I've been on and off some dating sites for the past few years, but it is hard to get people to go for the date. Only a small amount respond to you and an even smaller amount will stay interested long enough to meet in person.

          Hookups don't really interest me. Or sometimes I wish I could to stave off the loneliness but not for long. And I wouldn't know how to go about finding one anyway.

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          • DiamondGirl
            10 years ago

            So, you just want to hang out with a group of people, is what your saying? If so, I really think that's a waste of time. You can find a girlfriend. Go to a bar or a bus stop. Tha'ts how I met my Husband. One Solid relationship is better than a bunch of people who your not sure if you can really trust. And will betray u later. But that's just my opinion.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              10 years ago

              If finding a girlfriend were as easy as picking one up at the bar or bus stop, I don't think I would still be stuck here.

              I feel like such a creeper going out alone and trying to approach people.

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