Is it normal that i wish to no longer feel the desire to be around others?

63% Normal
9 Comments

So I’m socially inept. At first I thought that the main source of my misery was my lackluster performance with the opposite sex, but upon further inspection I generally suck ass at socializing with the entirety of my species.

Every time I try to make small talk with a new person I fail miserably(and when I go deeper there is no common ground), but succeed in making myself feel like a goddamn social pariah, yay?!? Rather than failing spectacularly once more and bruising my already near inexistent ego, I’d rather find a way to bypass this whole terrible ordeal.

Humans have evolved from tribes of hunter/gatherers, and because of this we have an innate desire to be around others. I've come to realize that it's for this reason that I long to be around others(who I haven't associated with prior), and I would like to put an end to this(not to say that I don’t want to associate with others, I just don’t want a biological compulsion to be my primary reason).

If anyone reading this has seen a scientific paper on anything that can take away a man’s biologically driven desire to be around others, or to find a suitable mate(both of which are troublesome), then I wouldn’t mind reading them. This could include anything like trauma(railroad spike anyone?), therapy, gene therapy, and invasive surgery. I just can’t fight a losing battle and pretend that I have a chance at happiness with my current route, so if you could hold back all of the “don’t give up” and “talking to people is easy”(douchebags) comments then that would be lovely.

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 41 votes (26 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Anime7
    10 years ago

    The way you write shows how disconnected you are from people, I think you were going for that. I've written similar stuff and I that's why I've noticed it. Honestly, you probably think you suck at talking to people but perhaps you probably don't. I'm assuming you're young and when you're young trying to fit in can be difficult. But trust me it gets better, I was in your shoes once but I had hope. You should to. Eventually all this popularity and being "cool" will stop existing. In the meantime, just work on being a good person, start seeing the good in people and have a little confidence in yourself. Like I keep saying, when it comes to confidence, fake it till you make it. But like I said, try to work on being nice to people, even if you think you're a loser, which probably isn't true, start thinking more positively.

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    • TheLogicalSkeptic1
      10 years ago

      It's amusing that you could judge my level of alienation via a few paragraphs, but that's just my normal style of writing. To be honest there are a lot of times when i'm feeling lost for words, and in those times the other person either carries the conversation or we glance at each other awkwardly until one of us departs, so I can tell that i'm not the best around(initially...it takes a while for me to open up to others). Trust me when I say that i'm not as young as you think, I've already missed out on that critical juncture where the odd teen becomes adopted into a social group and learns the inner workings of conversation. It's just a bit odd speaking to a 23 year old man in college who doesn't know a joke from a statement. Thanks for the advice though, I agree that a lot of it comes from confidence(which i'm sorely lacking in).

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      • Anime7
        10 years ago

        Honestly I'm at a lost of words a lot of time, but I usually care enough about the person I'm talking to to try and continue the conversation. When it comes to talking to people, the best advice is to smile and just try to get to know the person. I guess you should first start off with the superficial, like "how was your day?" and then slowly work your way into having the person talking about themselves. It takes confidence, but like I say fake it till you make it. And also, you're probably not as awkward as you think.

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  • dom180
    10 years ago

    I think the problem is that you believe you're failing when you're really not. So what if there's no common ground? So what if the small talk is awkward? You're not failing until people really hate you, and awkward small talk and lack of common ground won't make anyone hate you. Just because you fail to conjure up a deep, lasting friendship quickly does not mean you have failed. I know you will hate hearing that because I had been told similar things when I was in the same position as you and I hated it. I also know you'll hate being told other people are in the same position as you, too. However, it's all true.

    Stop thinking of a biological compulsion as your primary reason for wanting to socialise. There are plenty of other reasons to socialise: you can learn from them, receive help from them, receive confidence from them, you can have fun times with them, experience new places with another person. Friends have so many great functions. Why arbitrarily decide that a biological compulsion must be the most important reason?

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  • Short4Words
    10 years ago

    I understand your pain. I'm just wondering though, how old are you?

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  • crion
    10 years ago

    When I was a teenager I remember I wanted to be a sociopath because they're charming. I suck at socializing, too. What you're experiencing is called a schizoid fantasy, and you'll find that if you could escape people, you'd be much worse off. People are designed to be social (some would say anti-social), and when we're without contact, we get... a little fucked up. Like, "I can't tell the difference between right and wrong, let's go kill people and rape their stab wounds" fucked up. Or worse, never shaving and eating your own excrement fucked up.

    You want to be a social wizard? Do what I did. Cocktail: haldol, antidepressants and ritalin. Assuming the haldol doesn't make you beg for death because your skeleton starts trying to crawl out of your skin, you'll be so fucked up that you'll feel all the social anxieties just melt away.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    Thats a shame being around others is great.

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  • myboyfriendsbitch
    10 years ago

    Learn to be a survivalist and move to the mountains, deep in the mountains. Get as far away from human contact as you can and live yourself off the land.

    Or you could study and practice Buddhism, which teaches one that letting go of attachments, even if that attachment is people, will make one most content.

    Just keep in mind that the further you withdraw from people the harder it will be to assimilate back into social behavior.

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  • disthing
    10 years ago

    Don't give up, talking to people is easy!

    Oops!

    In all seriousness, there is no magic cure. It'd be easier to overcome your social ineptitude than to rid yourself of the desire for company. There are plenty of socially awkward people out there in exactly the same boat as you, would they not make good company?

    If you think you lack common ground with the people you're trying to talk to, find somewhere to meet people where you inherently have common ground. This is where hobbies and social clubs come in. If you already have a shared interest, you don't need to put effort in - you can talk casually about the things you like, and not force or fein anything. So maybe look in to a local club? Just a thought.

    And sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but I don't think you'll find a scientific or medical solution to your problem.

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