Is it normal that i want to pretend i'm another person?
Okay, so this is kind of difficult to explain, but hear me out.
This all dates back to my fear of talking to girls. I've wanted a girlfriend for quite a while now and I've read all the different advice articles on the Internet, but I've still gotten nowhere. For one thing, there is so much contradictory information out there, like how the articles always start out by saying "Be Yourself" then several paragraphs later, they talk about all the different ways you need to improve yourself before you can get a girlfriend. What kind of bullshit advice is that??? Secondly, I know exactly what I need to do to get a girlfriend from all the advice I've read and I know I'm probably not the worst guy who ever lived and all that stuff, but whenever I actually think about TRYING to get a girlfriend, it suddenly seems like the most impossible thing in the world, like something I could never do in a million years. I equate it to being trapped in a room where the only way out is through a simple door with a clean and smooth doorknob, only whenever I try to turn the doorknob, the door doesn't open because it's locked and I don't have the key.
But tonight, I finally found the key, or so I think. After reading the "Be Passionate About Something" section of the advice, I started thinking about things I'm good at that might be attractive to girls. As usual, I rationalized all my positive qualities into negatives because of the locked door preventing me from getting a girlfriend. My sense of humor, my interest in writing, literature, history, culture, films, and filmmaking would all make me seem nerdy and unattractive, I thought. But then, something hit me - the one area where I am much less inhibited than 99% of the population is public speaking. Unlike most people, I've never been afraid of public speaking - it always seemed so easy to me because I figured a crowd could never reject me and if it could, it would never be as painful as getting rejected by a girl. Also, whenever someone publicly speaks, it's not really them speaking, it's them giving a performance and a performance is something I could easily give with confidence, scripted or unscripted, time and time again without batting an eyelash. In fact, the only moments where girls have ever shown any interest in me are after I've given an impressive speech.
I began trying to think of public speaking-related ways to meet girls, but then I realized, why limit it to public speaking? If I could pretend I was speaking to a large crowd, then I could be the most confident and charming guy on the block! That was when I realized the only way I could ever get a girlfriend was if I acted like a different person. Not necessarily a totally different identity - it would still be me - but I would be playing a vastly different character with the same name as me if that makes any sense at all. For example, hypothetically, I would disassociate from my personality, convince myself that I'm not REALLY talking to the girl, then talk to her with complete confidence because I would know that I'm not the one who's going to get rejected - my character's the one who's going to get rejected!!! In other words, I would act like I was in a movie or a play or in one of my own dreams and I wouldn't be as afraid because I would be emotionally disconnected from the whole thing.
Am I insane for even considering this? Has anyone else thought of tried a similar strategy? Answers and advice will be greatly appreciated!!!