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I'm off and on suicidal and depressed, but I still take a huge interest in finding out why others want to die. I know why I want to die, but I want to understand others.
Although sometimes I've wanted to, I would never kill myself because of how it would affect my family. I do however reserve the right to assisted suicide for myself in certain medical circumstances.
When I've felt hopeless and powerless and lonely I've sometimes wished I could have another heart attack, in my sleep this time, and just not wake up, but most of the time I really want to go on living.
Because nothing makes sense to me, socially speaking. I do not enjoy anything. I barely have any personality. I'm lonely, but I dislike what it takes to make relationships (I'd have to pretend to have some kind of personality first, and then my "friends" would be fake anyway).
But, I have a few family members who depend on me emotionally, so I couldn't die anytime soon without it hurting them
I am somewhat similar. I have emotions, but their usually strong that I push down to a minimum. Then there's the want to live because I don't want others to do be sorry for me,but also don't want to die because others will suffer. But I still believe that everyone a parasite. No matter how much I say about humans, their all parasites. (I live by everyone's a leader or a follower, bot both or neither, they're all usually one or the other)
Life presents multiple problems that seem like they have no resolution. To persevere will only bring about more problems to add to the growing list. There's no respite and even when you are able to briefly distract yourself from reality, you know that your issues aren't going anywhere. The concept of continuing with life appears to be more devastating than the finality of death. We don't want to die - death is just the more comfortable option than living a torturous life.
I, too, feel this way off and on. My feelings regarding this subject matter are as follows: Everything revolving around a physical existence appears so completely pointless, asinine, tedious, painful, lonely, depressing, frustrating, trite, redundant, obsolete, antiquated, juvenile, counter-intuitive, counter-productive, boring, etc etc.
I don't see the point of engaging in anything meaningful from a perspective of impermanence. Enough time passes, and everything you knew, were, or did will be erased and it's like you never existed at all. I think about this, and ponder the great new experience after life.
I haven’t known anyone close to commit suicide. But when I was in high school there was a man who was a senior when I was a freshman that committed suicide. What bothered me (and many others) was that there were no warning signs, he was well-liked by all who met him, he was smart, athletic, musical - he seemed to have so much going for him and never seemed to have be depressed. I often what he was secretly suffering.
There was a situation similar for me as well. The first year of high school, it turns out there was a kid a lot like that a freshman (I think) who had committed suicide and year and a half before my arrival. Everyone at my school has this yearly remembrance thing, but I still don’t think I understand what type of person this guy was.
Question: does it every bother you when they suddenly make a dead person seem so much “happier” and more nice?
(It bothers me, especially when people do it for attention or disrespect)
When I feel suicidal it's because I feel hopeless, and the emotional pain I'm experiencing seems unbearable. I also tend to feel my life will never improve when I feel like I want to die.
To OP, losing people, things, and a sense of comfort. A new life that didn't work out well. Every day being routine and very much the same. Lack of meaningful connections with other people. That's what did it for me. Oh, and not having enough money also.
I feel like I’m already dead, but just a body going through the daily motions. But it feels like such a pointless rut..for what?
I find no enjoyment in anything.
Yes it’s family that holds me back too.
I want to die right now because I can't cope. I've fought too many battles on behalf of others. I'm overtired. I had a really bad panic attack on Thursday. I can never sort out my financial situation properly no matter how hard I try.
I've crammed so much into the past couple of days that I just can't cope.
I suspect I have depression/get depression but there's no point telling people as it comes and goes, just like PMDD (Although not necessarily in such a predictable monthly rhythm) and I have other friends with more profound mental struggles. I got woken up from a nap by mum yelling down the phone about my brother, who is yet again ruining lives (and who I recently posted about).
Note that I said RIGHT NOW. It's not permanent in my case, unlike other people who I know
Why live? If the next place is so much better then prolonging the time you have to spend here is masochistic.
I don't believe in a god so I don't try to get his (or her) approval. I more so work for other people to have a better life while I'm living than for me to have a better afterlife. To me, wanting to go to heaven so you be lice to others is usually selfish because you're still doing it for yourself and not because you actually care if the stranger behind you drops their groceries when trying to open a door.
I don't actually believe in a god. Nor do i want to die because of a bad life. My life is fine mostly, its more how i react. I am way to empathic and i push problems on myself, problems that not even all the leaders combined can handle sometimes. And i fi cant fix them, i blame them on myself. Even when i have no say i feel i couldn't changed the outcome. Like my sister was recently being bullied and her friends weren't there for her. She's in eighth and i left her alone this year and i feel like its my fault that i cant be at the same school as her, that i couldn't be there to help her.
None of it your your fault. If you cared that much about all that than shrugging it off, it’s not your fault. And even if you don’t believe in God, I know he will help you in life and something good in your life will show up to help you. Just wait and see, please.