Is it normal that i want to beat myself?

63% Normal
7 Comments

I've been on this Earth for 21 years and while I was a child, I have done many bad things growing up. To whom, you may ask? My two closest friends. I feel as if I failed them horribly because I wasn't there for them as much as I should've been and there had been many instances where I was a bully to them. I mean, sure, there were also times where I tried to be a good friend to them but to me, any act of cruelty/injustice far outweighs any good I might have done. Because of this, I wish I could go back in time and beat myself into a bloody mess for all the wrong I've done to them. I know it's not possible to do this but I want to punish myself and force the younger me to correct my past and actually be a true friend to them. That saying is most definately true for me "You don't know what you have until it's gone". I took things for granted and now I can't even apologize to them and make things right. (It's been like this for 3 years and moreso until I finally move back to my homestate). Well, they weren't neccessarily true friends either but I can atleast admit that like me, they tried (When I look back on our childhood, I think that they just didn't know how to deal with me). But obviously, because I lost them, I didn't try hard enough and because of my situation, I may never be able to make amends and make the friendship between the 3 of us stronger than ever. People say that friends can never be as close as family. That's simply not true for friends are one's chosen family and it's possible I'll never get my elective family back.

All I can do is hope that when I return, I'll encounter my friends again and hopefully, we'll be able to be friends again (They won't hate me for the things I've done or they haven't forgotten me completely). TBH, being forgotten would hurt ALOT less than seeing them again only to be told "We don't want to be your friends anymore".

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 19 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    I would love to go back in time and kick my own ass. But it's impossible, so we just have to learn from those mistakes and find comfort in knowing we are not the same person we were.

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  • KeepsakeDoll
    9 years ago

    Sorry to say it but the past is dead. Mistakes were made that you can't undo. Focus on the present and future, instead. Don't be like the majority of people who keep reliving their past.

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  • Energy
    9 years ago

    Let go of the past. It doesn't serve you anymore. Focus on the present, and try to make things better.

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  • megadriver
    9 years ago

    Yeah, I'd go back in time and beat myself up for all the stupid things I've done.
    Education related & Social related

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  • thr
    9 years ago

    There is a reason there's an expression that goes 'kids can be cruel'. Kids can treat other kids in ways that their grown-up selves will think very poorly of later on.

    Mistakes in childhood are mistakes in childhood. You were a kid, and you've learned.

    Instead of hoping for forgetfulness over unforgiveness, you could find their addresses and send them a message similar to what you have written here, in which you own and acknowledge that your past holds mistakes. You can do that as a person not governed by past mistakes. If you really hurt them, so that they're unforgiving, you can use the occasion to take that seriously.

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  • pixie_dust
    9 years ago

    beat that meat

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    I can't help but wonder if there may have been some abuse or neglect in your family of origin that could have fostered your previous bad behavior towards your former friends.

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