Is it normal that i've never experienced... anything?

68% Normal
24 Comments

I'm a 21 year old male and I have never experienced women in a way that is not negative. It's bad enough that I have never had sex, but I also have no experience with kissing. I have not the slightest idea of what another person's lips feel like. I have never even experienced what hugging is like. I've hugged family members, but I have never experienced being in an embrace. I suffer from PTSD and did not even have to serve in the military to receive it. I have been closed off from the outside world as a child by a stepmother that never wanted me to hang out with friends I have made through school. Because of this, students did not take a liking to me and life throughout grade school has been a terrifying ordeal. Every experience that I have had with the opposite sex has ended up with me being beaten either physically and/or mentally. I feel that I have reached a point where finding a relationship is impossible and if I magically happen to convince a girl to go out with me, anything I say, that is the truth, will make me seem very off-putting. I have reached a point in my life where I believe that there is nothing I could do to receive the only thing that statistically makes people live longer and more successful in life. Is it normal that these things happen? Is it normal that I just want to die because I see no hope? I would upload a picture of myself, but there is no way of knowing if it would hurt me in the long run.

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 19 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 24 )
  • Arm0se
    8 years ago

    I'm not alone! Excuse me. I need a moment （ つ︣﹏╰）

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  • NeofelisNebulosa
    8 years ago

    Please don't give up! You should try to meet people with similar interests as you. And don't give up on girls either. There are about 3.5 billion women on the planet; surely some of them would like to be with you.

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    • WardenOfFate
      8 years ago

      Try telling that to Match, eHarmony, Tinder, etc. I couldn't even get a refund from eHarmony because apparently fake profiles are considered matches. They only refund if no matches could be found. I'm just a guy that his own mother didn't even love.

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      • NeofelisNebulosa
        8 years ago

        Even if you don't feel confidence or exuberance, you can try feigning it. Girls like confident and easygoing guys. And when you start to see results, you'll actually feel the confidence for real! Sometimes you have to force yourself to act positive even when you do not feel it. Trust me on this one.

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  • seekelp
    8 years ago

    Don't define yourself by your failures; it sounds like you've got a good grasp of what your problems are. What you need to do is work past them.

    Seeing a therapist would be a wise choice.

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    • WardenOfFate
      8 years ago

      I have tried multiple therapists and none of them really knew how to do their jobs or just showed disinterest. I don not know why, but women just find me creepy and just do not like anything about me in general. Girls like an interesting guy and I am interesting enough, but not in any positive way. People told me to just live life and it happens without even noticing, but I can not even imagine myself in anybody's company. I have also been called ugly quite a lot.

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      • seekelp
        8 years ago

        "People told me to just live life and it happens without even noticing, but I can not even imagine myself in anybody's company."

        It does seem like a vicious cycle there- people find you weird, which only further isolates you and makes you more odd. Don't give up on therapists, even if you don't think they're helpful by themselves, talking about your problems to real people is a good idea.

        Critically though, you need to find self-esteem not in "A Relationship," which, by itself, won't help, but in healthy relationships just in general. Do you work? Do you have hobbies? Have you considered using those two outlets as a means of meeting people?

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        • WardenOfFate
          8 years ago

          I work, but my job is security and I do it all by myself. It's a pretty lonely job. I want to be a veterinarian and I volunteer at an animal shelter, but people don't try to converse with me and I have no experience with starting conversations. I don't have any hobbies either except reading, but who does that anymore?

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          • Short4Words
            8 years ago

            Lot's of people read. Me included.

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            • WardenOfFate
              8 years ago

              During my childhood I have been kept away from people so I have no idea how to socialize with people. It is hard to find people to talk to when you have never been given the opportunity as a child. Or a teen. I have been subject to illegally violent bullying in middle school and isolated during highschool. College I dropped out before because I couldn't help feeling depressed with over consuming envy.

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          • seekelp
            8 years ago

            See if there's a book club you can join. It is true that you can't just expect people to try and get to know you- you've got to be the one to put yourself out there.

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  • januarycurse
    8 years ago

    are you seeking sympathy

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  • Wilder654
    8 years ago

    I am in the same boat as you man ^^, not with a step mother though lol.

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  • [Old Memory]
    8 years ago

    I'm about to turn 59 and I've gone through life by myself. For years I didn't like it, but now I can't imagine life any other way. Keep yourself occupied with things that interest you. Learn to love yourself the same way you would love another and would want to be loved by someone else. Screw the statistics. Lots of people are single.

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    • [Old Memory]
      8 years ago

      The "research" behind being single and miserable is really not all that believable. I mean if you really think about it, research that shows being single and happy doesn't really fit in with the whole American idea of "get married and have kids, don't you wana be happy" sort of thing. I know plenty of married people who do not strike me as being happy. I know single miserable people also. Basically what I am saying is a research article about how wonderful it is to be married with kids is far more acceptable than a "Stay single and have fun" article.

      It basically comes down to how you approach life.

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  • chained_rage
    8 years ago

    "...receive the only thing that statistically makes people live longer and more successful in life." ... blowjobs? o_O

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    • WardenOfFate
      8 years ago

      Statistically, people that are in a relationship (long term) are more successful than people that go through life by themselves.

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      • green_boogers
        8 years ago

        It sounds like you have Social Anxiety Disorder, but you have gotten used to it to the point that you sort of disengage from situations to keep the anxiety in check. People sense this and interact with you less intrusively. If you could work toward having a prostitute give you a hand job or blow job, it would nourish your inner self.

        Btw, a book club is the kind of interaction you would be most successful with.

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        • WardenOfFate
          8 years ago

          I find it to be very pathetic to have to pay for sex.

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          • green_boogers
            8 years ago

            Fair enough. Most women find it very pathetic that you are completely isolated from intimate dynamics and mature sexuality.

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  • daydreamer394
    8 years ago

    It's normal; you're still young ... but you got beaten up?!

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    • WardenOfFate
      8 years ago

      I have been through far worse than just "beat up."

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  • Angelmikeal0
    8 years ago

    You poor poor soul i cant imagine your pain but my advice to is dont give or wait maybe its stop struggling and let it come to you i accepted that i cant force like to be what i want it to be so i let it go and now i have an un-official friend with benefits but i still havnt kissed or hugged a girl in my sixteen years on this planet but hey am still somewhere, so dont give up yet just stop trying so hard let it come to you.

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