Is it normal that i utterly hate my father, but secretly seek love from him?

82% Normal
9 Comments

Damn, life is such a contradiction.

I know most have a love/hate relationship with their parents, or fathers per say, but my story is a bit different and I am in dire need of advice.

I have an Asian father who possesses the typical/over bearing Asian father traits. He is controlling, narcissistic, egotistical, greedy, and just mentally hungry for everything (a result of his deprived childhood growing up in a third world country). When I was younger I was fully under his control, he was my puppet master. I did everything he told me to do and I was like a mini replica.

But during my teenage years I became pretty rebellious against his controlling ways and eventually went to college. The liberal education and independence of course corrupts you for the better, hence when I come back home to visit the family, I always get into these complex, deep rooted arguments with my father. The fights would chronicle all my anger and resentment towards him regarding my childhood and all the verbal abuse he gave me.

I suppose I am just looking for an apology from him or for him to accept that I am as fuck*d up in my head as I am now because of him. But we cant even have a decent talk anymore, so we just ignore each other. I have even thought about disowning myself from the father/daughter bond, but that might be too hot headed of a decision...

We are so distant now. I truly hate everything he is, and even more that Im becoming like him, but deep inside I feel as though all this is really because I just want love from him. Why cant he just accept me, strip down his ego and apologize?

Voting Results
82% Normal
Based on 51 votes (42 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • hairyfairy
    9 years ago

    My father was`nt asian, but he was controlling & dismissive to me. We never got on so I cut him out of my life. I don`t regret doing it because he would never have changed.

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  • Mersaphe
    10 years ago

    Dude your father brought you into this country otherwise you'd probably be working for less than minimum wage in China or Vietnam and having a pretty fucked up life. You need to worship your dad's feet and kiss his shoes and put his dirty underwear in the laundry. You owe your father with your life. Stop trying to be white and appreciate your father who worked so hard to bring you to America and give you opportunities. You're an ungrateful scumbag

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  • Bubbles3
    10 years ago

    It is normal,
    All children seek love from their parents. And as much as some try to deny it its just how we are made period. It's completely normal, he probably doesn't mean to make you hate him, but he just loves you and expects a lot from you is all. I hated my dad too, but he recently died. And I forgot anything bad he did because he is gone, just remember that if he died how would you feel?
    You only get one dad sweetheart, so you're stuck with him. Take him as he is. Since he doesn't have the balls to confront you, then you grow some and confront him. The world can end at any moment for no fucking reason! Or you can die for god sakes! Get over yourselves! Sit down and talk, if he doesn't want to talk then make him listen. You might hate him but the love for him will never die. Not to mention 'You Only Live Once.'

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  • echopure
    11 years ago

    Asian father too, but I learned when I was young, probably grade 8-9 that adults make mistakes as well. However, any decent parent will want their kids to do well and not walk the same hard path they took. So they will be hard on you. From then on, I used logic and thought to question them and ask them why they think like that, you'd be surprised, ask them like an adult. They will be more open and the discussions are more 'neutral'.

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  • Sophie5472
    12 years ago

    Parents are often stuck in there ways no matter how much you want him to accept you its probably unlikely to happen you hate who he is but you love him because hes your dad, imo try to talk to him lay all your cards on the table and if he dosent like it or accept say fine thens its hiss loss for losing you.

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  • theabider
    12 years ago

    I have an asian father too, and always felt that my mother was my only real parent, because she is caucasian, and thinks differently. Meaning, she is actually affectionate.

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  • tertater
    12 years ago

    I'm in a situation with my father too. I mainly want mine to not sigh at me when I do the littlest thing wrong.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I'm in the same situation.

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  • VladWhyte
    12 years ago

    Freud was right, Josef Fritzl FTW

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