Is it normal that i run away from "good men"

29% Normal
7 Comments

I'm a 28yo artist and quite successful in what I do, but I am not yet in a place in life I feel comfortable or accomplished in. I want more and understand growing and progressing with someone is possible, but somehow feel insecure when someone who's interested in me reveals they too are successful. It's usually guys who adore me and would treat me like a Princess or queen . And I usually really like them back, even sleep with them, but go ghost when it gets too real.
I happen to like bad boys. Ones who would never take me seriously or who won't commit--- I find it easy to deal with them because it's not a solid bond or something lol
It's been 9 months since I left my boyfriend of 3.5 yrs. he was a good working guy who loved me but eventually let egos get to him-- I suffered verbal emotional and mild physical abuse.

I feel lost! I feel like someone would think less of me if they knew certain aspects of my life post- breakup -- I'm rebuilding myself financially and emotionally--- but do want to date some of the guys who have always appreciated me for who I am (and couldn't wait to hear I was single lol)
Or new guys who see something special.
I'm really afraid of a cookie cutter life like marriage and kids , maybe because I'm scared of it falling apart. But the bad boys I date would probably ruin my life to begin with, once I'm tangled up in shit lol

Weird.

Voting Results
29% Normal
Based on 7 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    I reckon this is about self-esteem. I've been in a similar pattern for my whole life, both with men and women.

    A counsellor I went to after I was raped, by a "bad guy" I was stupid enough to get involved with, told me that this is a common pattern for women who've been sexually abused as children, which I was.

    For me, it's connected with the fact that my earliest sexual experience was dangerous, so that's what I'm attracted to. My counsellor asked if I had the experience he'd seen in other clients, of being immediately attracted to a stranger on a crowd and later discovering h/she is the most dangerous person in the room for me to have anything to do with, and that counsellor was spot on!

    I haven't resolved it yet and time is running out (I'm nearly 69) and I have tried to change the pattern, but somehow it just never happens with the nice people.

    I hope you can change your pattern long before you're as old as I am! I'd suggest counselling before it becomes really ingrained

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Thanks for your awesome response!

      I think im in denial at times about whether or not my earliest sexual experiences count as some type of abuse or not:

      1)at the babysitter I went to once in a while maybe between the ages of 8 and 10, there were kids who knew a lot more than I did about sex and shared that knowledge thru show and tell in different ways - I feel like it's normal kid behavior to explore.

      2) at about age 9 I walked in on my mom having sex by mistake. Yikes. They broke up abruptly from what I remember maybe after a year and a half :( but I liked him best of the few boyfriends she had thru the years. YIKES. Sometimes I feel like there's something I should remember but I feel like I'm making myself remember something that's not real.

      I have considered counseling-- I've been before as an early teen. I just feel strange about needing to talk to someone about this stuff.

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        Whether or not those incidents technically constitute abuse isn't really relevant: if they frightened and/or confused you that's what matters in terms of how you may still be affected by them.

        If you feel there's something you should remember, maybe there is, and there would be nothing strange about needing to talk to someone about it, in fact I reckon it would be totally the right thing to do. A good counsellor should put you at your ease so that you feel safe to talk about anything at all.

        Good luck and I strongly recommend you don't let this go on and on and on:: the longer you leave it without getting help the harder it will be to break the pattern

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  • Arm0se
    8 years ago

    You can have a great relationship WITHOUT children ya know...

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Yes, I have considered that but desire a few mini me's running around lol

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  • Melora
    8 years ago

    Neither of these men are right for you. Get a nice intimate toy and stay single till you find someone totally different that makes you realize that you have never experienced actual attraction and love before. You are searching and are wasting your time with incompatible types so far.

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    I hear ya.
    :-)

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