Is it normal that i'm trying to dissuade my partner from having a breast reduction?

67% Normal
8 Comments

My partner isn't entirely sure if she wants a breast reduction, but she has mentioned it before, and I keep trying to convince her not to get one.
She cites back pain as well as body image issues as her reasons why she might get one. As much as I try to convince her that she's gorgeous the way she is, she still refuses to believe me and thinks I'm only trying to flatter her.

She's also been wearing bras which appear small, and I asked her to take some measurements and see if her bra size might be different. Turns out it was, according to the bra size calculator from "ABraThatFits", and the bra size she's been wearing for 10+ years is much more than a few cup sizes too small.
I've ordered a few new bras for her to try on, to see if perhaps that would help alleviate some of her pain.

What I want to know is, is it normal for me to try and dissuade her from getting this surgery done? Am I overstepping my bounds?
Or do you think it's fine for me to try and help her explore different options instead of going under the knife?

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 9 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • Wellyoudliketoknoweh
    4 years ago

    Let her do it, the back pain is really bad and there’s really not any good bra for that. It can mess up your whole physiology
    Support her decision, but keep her from doing any more. If she’s happy with one and there really is pain involved, I’d have nothing against it. My chest is quite big too, so I can tell you that it’s really not nice and there’s not much u can do except surgery

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  • Boojum
    4 years ago

    I think your true motivations are important.

    If you don't want her to have the operation because you like huge boobs, then that's selfish and disrespectful. You're not the one who has to deal 24/7 with all the discomfort (and unwanted attention) that large breasts can cause.

    However, that's not a factor you mention, so I hope it's not the case.

    Breast reduction is far from the most hazardous surgery, but all operations that require a general anaesthetic are inherently dangerous to some degree, recovery from any operation can take much longer than expected, complications can arise at any point and the end result might not be what was expected by either the patient or the surgeon.

    It would seem to me that the best thing she could do would be to talk to several women who have had the procedure and get their honest opinions about what the experience was like and whether they feel it was, on balance, the right thing for them to do.

    It's interesting what you say about her bra size being wrong. My understanding is that it's very common for women to settle on a particular size and stick with it for years, even though their body may change and what used to fit well no longer does.

    I hope the internet site you used will result in her getting bras that are more comfortable, but from what I've heard, the best thing for women to do is to visit a store where there are women who are trained and experienced with measuring and fitting bras.

    The body image of women can be a minefield for the men who care about them. On the one hand, we should respect their decisions about what they want to do with their own body, but on the other, we're often unable to see the faults that they believe exist. From the time girls are very young, they're subjected to all sorts of subtle and blatant messages about what a woman should look like. Very often, this means women are incapable of seeing anything other than all things that are "wrong" with their body. It can be very challenging for a man to deal with such things in a way that's perceived by women as being honest, supportive, sensitive and respectful. In the end, if you truly care about your partner, all you can do is express your opinions as clearly and lovingly as you can, and then accept whatever she decides.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      I mean, I do think I'd ultimately be able to accept whatever decision she makes, I just personally feel like it would be a bad decision. Just because I feel, in most cases, cosmetic surgery tends to end up with less than ideal results.

      I feel like if there was a safer or more natural way to go about reducing them, perhaps through stem cells or regenerative medicine, where the results would look exactly like natural breasts, just smaller, then I'd be much more fine with it. Hell, if it made her happy, I would encourage it.

      But the fact that it leaves horrendous scars and the breasts end up being re-shaped by a doctor, means they always just come out the other end looking entirely unnatural and unappealing. Perhaps that is a bit selfish, for me to worry about the appearance of her breasts, but also, I feel like if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't want a part of my body to go from being perfectly fine looking to terrifying, and I'm still not sure if she grasps the reality of just how unnatural looking the end results will likely end up.
      On top of that, there's so much potential for complications, since they would be removing so much tissue, and with her size would almost certainly need to graft the nipples back on after the fact.

      All of this has just always made me feel like the procedure is a bad idea.

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      • Boojum
        4 years ago

        Yeah, it's not uncommon for people to be less than totally satisfied with the results of cosmetic surgery. God knows, some high-profile Hollywood types end up looking positively freakish, and it's hard to believe they're genuinely content with the results.

        I haven't looked, but I assume there must be loads of post-op pictures somewhere on the internet. Presumably, both good and bad. I wonder if she's ever looked at those.

        If she ever got to the point of talking to a cosmetic surgeon about this, he'd be able to assess her individual situation and - if he's ethical and concerned about his malpractice insurance at all - he should discuss with her the possible best-case and worst-case results. Even so, there's always a potential problem with these sorts of discussions: the patient is so convinced that the result for them will be totally positive that they're incapable of hearing the negatives.

        You're clearly worried that you'll find her breasts ugly if she should proceed with this. That's not how you would be if you were a saint, but you feel what you feel. I see nothing wrong with you telling her this, along with acknowledging that you're conflicted about it, since you do feel it's selfish.

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        • Wellyoudliketoknoweh
          4 years ago

          There’s a lot of surgeons that put before and after pics in the internet.
          I guess just find a good one? She should ask her doc first and he could recommend one

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  • ellnell
    4 years ago

    If she's in pain then she should get the reduction. It's not like she's doing it for cosmetic reasons, big breasts can be very painful for the back even damaging and you're just trying to make her put up with daily pain so that you can have big boobs in the picture! Talk about being selfish, void of empathy and not loving her as a human being. It's great if the new bras work but if they don't and she still gets back pain then shut up and let her get the reduction.

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  • TerriAngel
    4 years ago

    Of course its normal.
    God blessed her.
    How would she feel if you wanted a penis reduction?

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  • Clunk42
    4 years ago

    I personally find size reduction surgeries to be a waste of money unless pain is involved. I understand trying to get her not to waste her money on pointless cosmetic surgery. If larger bras do relieve the pain, she shouldn't waste her money.

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