Is it normal that i'm emotional but i feel no empathy, remorse, or love?
I'm about to ramble.
I don't want to change or anything like that. I'm not making this post because I hate myself. This doesn't bother me but I am curious.
I saw someone else post something similar on here and there was a comment saying that that person must have been lying to himself, so I'll start by saying that I welcome my feelings and I never try to suppress them. I'm not scared of getting my heart broken or anything like that. I don't try to be tough or dark or edgy, so please do not further ruin honesty for me.
Anyway, when I try to look this up, all of the search results talk about Antisocial Personality Disorder, but I've heard that people with ASPD aren't emotional and I am emotional. I cry, laugh, and smile just fine, maybe even more so than most people, and I have feelings. I even cry in front of people, but I have never cared about another human being in my life. I could torture and kill my entire family without feeling bad about it, but I'm NOT going to do that. Some people would say that I hate everyone in the world, but I don't know if I would say that because my "hatred" for every person is thoughts more so than feelings, unless I have a personal reason for it. If it is personal, I feel really angry.
I understand people but I don't "get" them. I'm good at making people think I care about them, but I don't like to keep it up for too long and I have absolutely no desire to maintain intimate relationships. I get too tired and my fake thoughts and feelings start to unravel until the relationship is an awkward mixture of truths and lies. I like being around fun people and I have friends but I don't open up to them at all (Crying around them doesn't feel like a big deal to me). I'm fine with expressing emotion but not my most prevalent ones. I'm usually pretty zen with pretending, but I still feel hopeful that I will actually be able to express myself to someone one day. Every once in a while I open up a bit, but afterward I don't want to keep that person around for long. They tend to react badly.
A lot of people talk about this stuff like it's almost unfathomable to them, but sometimes I wonder if anyone is actually capable of feeling guilt, empathy, or love. I'm not talking about caring for a select few people or trying to suppress these emotions. I just want to know if it's normal that I have never experienced them and I couldn't if I tried. Thank you guys for reading. I'm probably going to get hate but it still feels nice to express this.