Is it normal that i keep talking to the one that broke my heart?

69% Normal
13 Comments

I am just going with the flow with the man who has teared my heart apart. I mean we are still talking and haven't officially said its over, but it will probably fade away since we don't live near each other anymore unless we do keep it going. But regardless, I'm still talking to him even when I remind myself of everything he put me through. I don't feel like permanently deleting him out of my life. My intuition just tells me this is the one, and relationships go through ups and downs but overcome the obstacles so that's how I'm looking at it. Even at our lowest points, we'll still say random things to each other like inside jokes or something and we both go along with it. It can be annoying though because we're avoiding the situation but I rather be avoiding it and still talking to him than completely stop talking. By going with the flow and staying in touch, there is still hope we can finally be together and make it last. I thought after all these downfalls, he was going to be my lost love like a lot of other people have but nope, he's not since I haven't let him go and vice versa. The point is, he gave me my first heartbreak and its still fresh, and yet, I still don't find the balls or a valid reason to let him go permanently. Is this normal? Or is there something I'm missing?

Voting Results
69% Normal
Based on 32 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • Johnnytherat
    9 years ago

    What is love? baby dont hurt me!

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    • RoseIsabella
      9 years ago

      Don't hurt me, no more.

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  • mountain-man82
    9 years ago

    You should just let him go and move on. Thats not healthy for either of you.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    I know how you feel but trust me, this is not going to go anywhere if its already been a year and he's done nothing to make it official with you. I find it ridiculous that he's 27 and still can't man up and just ask you to be his girlfriend.. really. I mean by the age of 27 most mature guys who know what they want actually are engaged or expecting a baby at around that age. He has some serious issues and it shouldn't be your problem just cause he can't commit. I know this might sound weird, but where do you guys live? Like what country or city?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Well today, late twenties isn't the ideal age to start having babies or getting engaged. It's really different now. I might be 22 but I still feel like 20 and he might be 27 but he says he doesn't feel like it and he still feels like 24 ish. So its like time is passing by like nothing and shouldn't define how "mature" we should be acting. After all, age ain't nothing but a number. We live in sunny California.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Look.. I sympathize with you I really do but if you let a guy walk all over you like you're doing now, you're really the only one to blame for what's happening here. Would you rather be with someone who "doesn't know what they want" or with someone who's proud to call you their lady? No offense, but HE IS NOT SERIOUS ABOUT YOU. I'm not saying that to be harsh, I'm saying it because you NEED to hear it. It upsets me to see someone in a relationship hold on when the other person could feel a fuck for the relationship, if they even consider it that. I'm sorry but you need to give him an ultimatum. You're not breaking up with him, because you're not dating. Give him a choice. Either he grows a pair or you're outta there.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I know you're right. At the end of the day, its not him hurting me anymore, its me. He keeps saying he misses me and we should do this we should do that. He really doesn't know what he wants and the only way to get this over with is to give him an ultimatum. But I have before, and he gets so mad and stubborn because he thinks I'm crazy and delusional for thinking all of this. He always insists everything is fine and I think okay maybe I should chill out? But no, his behavior drains me. If we were on a reality show or something, the audience would see what I'm talking about that makes me so upset. Idk if I'm being manipulated when he tells me good things like he misses me and stuff, it would suck and if I were to mention that to him I know he would look at me like I'm just crazy. Its funny how I'm here spilling all of my real feelings at the same time I'm talking to him as if everythings fine. I love it when we talk like this but at the end of the day, I have to ask what's the deal.

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  • vanda99
    9 years ago

    It's normal, but not healthy for you.

    The only thing that's worked for me in a similar situation before was to cut all ties and any means to communicate at once. It was weird and a little bad at first, but I felt a lot better after.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    The way you're describing it, sounds like he's abit immature, that or he's just a player and doesn't wanna be official with you cause there's probably a whole bunch of other girls he's also "not official" with, you get what I'm saying? Like, if he likes you THAT much then its simple, you become his girlfriend. There is absolutely no reason to complicate it and it sounds like he's not genuine about you. I've known guys like this before, too scared of commitment to officially call you his girlfriend so he keeps making up excuses as to why what you have doesn't need a label, that you're special to him but its just how he is etc, all bullshit. I'm sorry and I know this is gonna sound harsh or even horrible but seriously? You're in your twenties, you're too old for this shit. Women mature faster than men (most of the time) and statistically most women will want a serious relationship by the time they reach mid twenties, that's just how our chemistry works. We want to settle down A LOT more than the majority of guys out there. Is the guy the same age as you? You'll probably do better with a guy a few years older than you and that way he will know exactly what he wants and will have no issue making things official with you. My boyfriend and I started dating when he was 24 and I was 18, and we've been together for a year. A week after our first date he made things official, told his friends, added it on facebook even though we don't even have facebook anymore, but my point is this guy is taking way too long to let you know what the fuck he wants. I think its high time you give him an ultimatum. Either he grows a pair and makes things official or you find someone else who will. I promise you, he's not the only guy out there and if he can't even call you his girlfriend, what kind of future do you guys have anyway? I swear to god, some men can be so immature. I hope you find someone you deserve and who will treat you the way a man should treat his lady.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      He's actually five years older than me. I'm 22 and he's 27. I mean he is mature but when it comes to relationships, he still thinks in an immature way I guess. And we have asked if we have been with other people and we both said no. I know I haven't and he's not the type to go around and get with girls because again he can care less and only thinks of his priorities with work and stuff. But idk, I have observed him and I think he does have a thing with someone and wouldn't want them to find out we have a thing. It can be annoying because it looks like he wants to look single in public sometimes or he doesn't even notice that he's acting like that. Guys most of the time don't know what they are portraying so we can't blame them for our delusional thoughts. He's told me he doesn't know what he wants with me because he likes me but he can't do it and everything else I said above. And yeah...it has been almost a year since we have been "talking." Obviously, someone has been holding on to it while the other one probably won't mind letting go. He definitely needs to grow a pair to tell me exactly how he feels. The reason why its so hard to make a decision is because I really want to make sure how he feels about me before letting go of something that would've been amazing. We have taken like two breaks and in those breaks, HE came back to me. So its like he does like me but doesn't know what he has until its gone but then he goes back to his old ways like wtf? Its also one of those situations where if you really like someone, then you'll just have to patient and accept the way they are until they are ready. I have no problem waiting for him because I am technically single so I have talked to a few guys and in general, there's no one else I want. But I do have a problem waiting for someone who doesn't want me. So all I want to know is what he wants/feels. But I don't know how to talk to someone so bottled up and who avoids serious conversation by playing around which is one of his traits I like but there comes a point where its enough and time to get serious. I want him to tell me something like "I want us to be together in the future but right now lets focus on us first and still talk but not be with anyone else." Simple.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    You can't let go because you still feel attatched to him, its normal, but very unhealthy. You can't find a valid reason to let go of him? Run over all the things he's done to you, and then ask yourself if that's what you deserve. If you still can't get over him, prepare yourself for a life full of pain because you seem like one of those women who when her boyfriend or husband hits her, she'll just keep coming back. Seriously, if you let him get away with hurting you, he'll know he can do whatever he wants and you'll be his doormat forever. Do you want to be his doormat? I'm not sure what exactly he did, or how old you are and how long you've been together, but the fact remains that if he broke your heart you need to move on. Yes SOME relationships face issues some time or another but him cheating, lying, leaving you or anything else bad enough to be classified as "breaking your heart" is NOT just a trial your relationship is going through, its a reason to leave him.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      It's going to be a year that we have been talking. And we are in our twenties. What he has done to hurt me the most is not putting a label on us and being committed to that. He just messes with my mind but says everything is fine with us. Throughout this whole year we have been "talking" "hanging out" "an item to friends" but nothing official. For me, that's fine but my feelings became stronger for him than I thought that it's not fine anymore. The point is you can't just be with someone you're freaken crazy about unofficially; it hurts, it's devastating. One minute he treats me right then the next minute he treats me like whatever. He claims thats his personality, that he doesn't show much emotion so its not his fault I feel like he treats me like a stranger sometimes. He says he likes me and wants me to be his gf but he doesn't want to get himself into trouble and then mess up our relationship along with the fact that he has other priorities to take care of first. God, I'm just sucha fool for him and wish I never met him because even if I leave him, he'll still be in my thoughts and heart messing with me. It is both a curse and a blessing to feel something so deep.

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  • Freedom_
    9 years ago

    He ain't gone change, hunny.

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