Is it normal that i just want crushes from now on?

After falling in love and actually pursuing it, I think I'm just going to go back to my old self and keep the next guy I get infatuated with just as a "crush." That includes me stalking them without feeling guilty or weird, having fun stalking them, living in a fantasy world with them, etc. None of these things will hurt me like the real thing has. I remember before him, I had a huge crush on this guy in middle school until high school. I was infatuated with this guy and planned to marry him. We would go our separate ways and eventually find each other, date and marry. What made my infatuation with him fun and not hurtful was we never pursued anything, just one kiss. After that, we graduated and went to different colleges. Eventually, I got over him and as expected, it didn't hurt since we never got close. Then my last year of college, I had to meet my current guy. At this point, I wish I had just kept it on the same level as my high school crush because I've been through so much pain since actually pursuing him and getting close. I wish we never became an actual thing. So if we don't work then I know next time I feel strongly about someone, I'm gonna stay away from them and just keep them as my crush who I can stalk and play with without getting hurt.